Soul Searching
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
Soul Searching
Hi Everyone-
I've been reading this site and others for a few years as my husband of 17 yrs. is an alcohol and drug addict. Crack addict to be exact. We married young (18) and we have a 13 yr. old son. We are now seperated for the 5th or 6th time, I've lost count. That's so sad. I have done alot of soul searching these last few weeks and realize our marriage has no substance or truth to it. I am so very codependent but I'm working on that each day. My husband has been chronically unemployed for years. He would be at a job from 2-6 months and that's about it. I finally moved home with my mother and when I did that he lived behing a gas station in a tent in the woods until he got the job he has now. He is a truck driver and pretty much lives in his truck.
I have been in denial about alot of stuff for a LONG time. I used to hold out hope for him but I don't have any hope left. I am in the process of detatching from him and the getting rid of the need to know what's going on in his life because if the past serves me right he's probably up to nothing good. He has really caused me lots of heartache and headaches over the years. I've given him chance after chance and he still makes bad decisions all the time and he is a pathological liar very bad.
He was supposed to come in town for a couple of days, he has court for a drunkeness charge later this week. He is right now as I type this on a crack/alcohol binge instead of coming here for a little down time and to spend time with his family. We are all he had besides the streets, his own family has NOTHING and I mean nothing to do with him. I'm just SOOOO....... very tired of his addictions, issues, and problems. He has so many you wouldn't even know where to start. We have a very unhealthy relationship and I'm just starting to realize how very unhealthy it is. I can't have expectations out of him because he will alwatys let me down. How is it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time? I do.
I have hung in with this marriage for way to long and now it's time to leave it in the past so I can see what awaits me in the future. It's kinda weird the way I'm feeling right now. I still love him but in a way like he's my son's father and I hope he hits his bottom sooner than later but not really wanting to be in any kind of relationship with him, not even friends. I guess you could say I'm letting go and damn it feels go to let all this BS go. Everything I've been worried about is his problems and I'm tired of him and his addictions/issues/problems.
Ok now I feel like I'm rambling so I'll close this one for now. I'm really just looking for some support and suggestions for detatchment. I know I'm doing the right thing but it still hurts and is hard but my son and I are more important than that and we deserve better. He can go throw his crumbs to someone else.
I feel very thankful to have a supportive and half way normal family. I'm going to see if I can find a codependent or al-anon meeting to go to. Maybe that will help. Thanks for reading and for sharing yourselves over the years. I've learned ALOT from the members of this site which is what got me into all this soul searching lately. About time!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been reading this site and others for a few years as my husband of 17 yrs. is an alcohol and drug addict. Crack addict to be exact. We married young (18) and we have a 13 yr. old son. We are now seperated for the 5th or 6th time, I've lost count. That's so sad. I have done alot of soul searching these last few weeks and realize our marriage has no substance or truth to it. I am so very codependent but I'm working on that each day. My husband has been chronically unemployed for years. He would be at a job from 2-6 months and that's about it. I finally moved home with my mother and when I did that he lived behing a gas station in a tent in the woods until he got the job he has now. He is a truck driver and pretty much lives in his truck.
I have been in denial about alot of stuff for a LONG time. I used to hold out hope for him but I don't have any hope left. I am in the process of detatching from him and the getting rid of the need to know what's going on in his life because if the past serves me right he's probably up to nothing good. He has really caused me lots of heartache and headaches over the years. I've given him chance after chance and he still makes bad decisions all the time and he is a pathological liar very bad.
He was supposed to come in town for a couple of days, he has court for a drunkeness charge later this week. He is right now as I type this on a crack/alcohol binge instead of coming here for a little down time and to spend time with his family. We are all he had besides the streets, his own family has NOTHING and I mean nothing to do with him. I'm just SOOOO....... very tired of his addictions, issues, and problems. He has so many you wouldn't even know where to start. We have a very unhealthy relationship and I'm just starting to realize how very unhealthy it is. I can't have expectations out of him because he will alwatys let me down. How is it possible to love someone and hate them at the same time? I do.
I have hung in with this marriage for way to long and now it's time to leave it in the past so I can see what awaits me in the future. It's kinda weird the way I'm feeling right now. I still love him but in a way like he's my son's father and I hope he hits his bottom sooner than later but not really wanting to be in any kind of relationship with him, not even friends. I guess you could say I'm letting go and damn it feels go to let all this BS go. Everything I've been worried about is his problems and I'm tired of him and his addictions/issues/problems.
Ok now I feel like I'm rambling so I'll close this one for now. I'm really just looking for some support and suggestions for detatchment. I know I'm doing the right thing but it still hurts and is hard but my son and I are more important than that and we deserve better. He can go throw his crumbs to someone else.
I feel very thankful to have a supportive and half way normal family. I'm going to see if I can find a codependent or al-anon meeting to go to. Maybe that will help. Thanks for reading and for sharing yourselves over the years. I've learned ALOT from the members of this site which is what got me into all this soul searching lately. About time!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
welcome to S.R. i am glad you are joining us. letting go is taking care of ourself. it does not matter if you live with the addict or not. we deserve so much better. you can let go or get dragged. the addict will blame,lie, cheat, steal & it is never enough. read the stickys at the top of the forum. keep coming back.there is a lot of info here. prayers going up for u & your family.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 427
Welcome,
It is good that you have been reading here for awhile. You know how wonderful this site can be for you and for all of us.
I wish you the best in staying strong and doing what you have to do for you and your son to get through this.
Prayers for you both and keep posting. There will be many more to welcome you and share their wisdom with you.:ghug
It is good that you have been reading here for awhile. You know how wonderful this site can be for you and for all of us.
I wish you the best in staying strong and doing what you have to do for you and your son to get through this.
Prayers for you both and keep posting. There will be many more to welcome you and share their wisdom with you.:ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 159
Thanks for the welcome!
I am really trying to understand why I put up with it and for sooo.... long. We've been together since we were 16. He has called twice today but got voicemail. There's nothing left to talk about except child support and I won't count on that. Even though I've been married for a long time I have always felt like I walked that road alone. Our son has no respect for his dad and dosen't really even care about talking to him. Our son also has a rare eye disease and is considered to be legally blind but he can function with his glasses. He is a handful too since he's getting into those teenage years. Lord help me!
So see you guys I already have enough on my plate without having to worry about another adult making the right decisions. Sometime I just want to be the one to be able to runaway from my problems but as we all know that dosen't work for long. I guess the fact that I have to handle it alone except for my family who by the way are always there for me no matter what i decide to do when it comes to my marriage, I guess it just seems overwhelming at the moment but that will pass too!! I really think he thinks what he does dosen't affect us, can he really be that much of an idiot? Anyway I've come to a point where I'm not trying to understand nothing cause you can't, you just can't. I have had life insurance on him for years because of the lifestyle he lives (he knows this) and if he keeps on going it won't be long. He goes around some nasty, dirty, and dangerous people and places. I feel like throwing up just saying that. My mom, son, and I live in the country so I'm starting to enjoy the quiet of things.
My hope for him would be for him to do whatever he hell it is he wants to do as long as it's FARFAR away from me. Pray for me to be strong!!!!!
I am really trying to understand why I put up with it and for sooo.... long. We've been together since we were 16. He has called twice today but got voicemail. There's nothing left to talk about except child support and I won't count on that. Even though I've been married for a long time I have always felt like I walked that road alone. Our son has no respect for his dad and dosen't really even care about talking to him. Our son also has a rare eye disease and is considered to be legally blind but he can function with his glasses. He is a handful too since he's getting into those teenage years. Lord help me!
So see you guys I already have enough on my plate without having to worry about another adult making the right decisions. Sometime I just want to be the one to be able to runaway from my problems but as we all know that dosen't work for long. I guess the fact that I have to handle it alone except for my family who by the way are always there for me no matter what i decide to do when it comes to my marriage, I guess it just seems overwhelming at the moment but that will pass too!! I really think he thinks what he does dosen't affect us, can he really be that much of an idiot? Anyway I've come to a point where I'm not trying to understand nothing cause you can't, you just can't. I have had life insurance on him for years because of the lifestyle he lives (he knows this) and if he keeps on going it won't be long. He goes around some nasty, dirty, and dangerous people and places. I feel like throwing up just saying that. My mom, son, and I live in the country so I'm starting to enjoy the quiet of things.
My hope for him would be for him to do whatever he hell it is he wants to do as long as it's FARFAR away from me. Pray for me to be strong!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
I congratulate you on being at this place! If nothing changes THEN nothing changes....... FOR REAL! Sounds as though you have hit your bottom! There is SO much drama in addiction. Ironically - there not being drama when my guy was clean for nearly 2 months - is what he started missing - the drama! And when he relapsed.... the drama was more intense than he had ever experienced all at once! AND I have no problem letting him go to seek out that drama if he needs to - he just won't have me in it with him.
I'm sure you feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of you!
ROCK ON!!!!!!!!
I'm sure you feel like a ton of weight has been lifted off of you!
ROCK ON!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
My ex is a crack addict and your story just reassures me that I made the right decision ending it when our child was just an infant. Your story makes me sad. But you have your whole future ahead of you so it's not too late! Let go of the past. It's not giving up, it's accepting and then putting faith in yourself that you will get through this and come out far better for it on the otherside. And your son too.
Keep reading and posting ok. You will find lots of support and understanding on this site.
Keep reading and posting ok. You will find lots of support and understanding on this site.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 123
good for you , you need abreak,,, life can be challenging at times and you have proven to yourself you can make it on your own already your just getting rid of the extra weight that has been tying you down to really flourish in life...once you release yourself from all of this, you will feel alot of weight come off and be able to relax.. good luck
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