Telling my parents-drug addiction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4
Telling my parents-drug addiction
Hello All,
I am new here. I have been looking online a ton these last few weeks for help with my addiction to cocaine (used by snorting). I have only been dealing with this addiction for about 8 weeks, but I would like to take care of it before it starts dominating my life. Thus far, it is not affecting my job, social life or taking care of responsibilities, but I can see it heading in that direction. I have been talking to professionals about getting help, so I think I am heading in the right direction. The reason I am posting here is because I would like to tell my parents. My parents and I are close, and my whole family is pretty good at discussing and working through issues. I would really like to be able to talk to them about this, because I want to be honest with them, and I would like their support as I am dealing with this problem. I am certain they won't be angry, but I think they will be sad and disappointed. This is what is keeping me from telling them- I think it will hurt them. I don't want them to feel as though this obstacle in my life indicates a failure on their part as parents. Can someone suggest the best way to talk to them about my addiction?
Thank you for any advice and insight you may be able to offer.
I am new here. I have been looking online a ton these last few weeks for help with my addiction to cocaine (used by snorting). I have only been dealing with this addiction for about 8 weeks, but I would like to take care of it before it starts dominating my life. Thus far, it is not affecting my job, social life or taking care of responsibilities, but I can see it heading in that direction. I have been talking to professionals about getting help, so I think I am heading in the right direction. The reason I am posting here is because I would like to tell my parents. My parents and I are close, and my whole family is pretty good at discussing and working through issues. I would really like to be able to talk to them about this, because I want to be honest with them, and I would like their support as I am dealing with this problem. I am certain they won't be angry, but I think they will be sad and disappointed. This is what is keeping me from telling them- I think it will hurt them. I don't want them to feel as though this obstacle in my life indicates a failure on their part as parents. Can someone suggest the best way to talk to them about my addiction?
Thank you for any advice and insight you may be able to offer.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
I have felt the same as you in that i do not want to hurt my parents or make them feel disappointed.
I am sure there are people here who can offer you advice. But as for me, i cannot.
My parents are the type who go silent when approaching these type of personal subjects. They both will want to change the subject.
I only spoke to my mom about my alcoholism after six months attending AA. I have not even told my dad i attend AA or spoke to him about my alcoholism. It's just one of those things that i cannot do, as first of all they do not understand it and secondly they do not want to talk about it.
I hope one day i can talk to them about it, but if i can't i will just have to accept that.
I hope things go well with you and i hope someone has some advice to give you. And welcome to SR
Paul
I am sure there are people here who can offer you advice. But as for me, i cannot.
My parents are the type who go silent when approaching these type of personal subjects. They both will want to change the subject.
I only spoke to my mom about my alcoholism after six months attending AA. I have not even told my dad i attend AA or spoke to him about my alcoholism. It's just one of those things that i cannot do, as first of all they do not understand it and secondly they do not want to talk about it.
I hope one day i can talk to them about it, but if i can't i will just have to accept that.
I hope things go well with you and i hope someone has some advice to give you. And welcome to SR
Paul
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Posts: 572
Well, I'm sorry I don't have any advice about that sort of stuff but would like to say well done in taking a step in the right direction and seeking help. That, in itself is a massive jump and you ought to be really proud of yourself that you've decided to do something about it.
Best of luck. I reckon you've come to the right place and sooner or later someone will jump in with better help than I can offer.
Hang in there.
Best of luck. I reckon you've come to the right place and sooner or later someone will jump in with better help than I can offer.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
One quick way of finding some answers as well is maybe to hit a meeting. My entire family drinks and I think them having to face my issues means they have to face theirs. It's been a hard road and it's been hard to admit that I'm an alcoholic but you know what? Most everyone knew it already, whether I thought I was hiding it or not.
I do wish you luck. It's hard to give suggestions since for everyone it is different. I hope you will continue to come here for support, this is a wonderful site.
I do wish you luck. It's hard to give suggestions since for everyone it is different. I hope you will continue to come here for support, this is a wonderful site.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I think a lot depends on your age.
My religious parents never saw me have a drink
They did not drink alcohol.
I lived 900 miles away ...had been responsible for
my life for years. I was an adult.
After 6 months of AA....I mentioned this to my
Mother in our weekly phone conversation.
"Oh really? Did you go to church this morning"?
Glad to know you are giving up cocaine
and getting professional help.
Welcome to SR!
My religious parents never saw me have a drink
They did not drink alcohol.
I lived 900 miles away ...had been responsible for
my life for years. I was an adult.
After 6 months of AA....I mentioned this to my
Mother in our weekly phone conversation.
"Oh really? Did you go to church this morning"?
Glad to know you are giving up cocaine
and getting professional help.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Welcome to SR, LC! By the way, I love your name. Lime and cilantro, best flavors ever, especially together!
Telling family is so different for different people. Have you told them something sensitive and difficult in the past? How did they respond?
I told my mom about my alcoholism just a couple weeks ago and she was so happy for me that I had recognized my problem and was getting help to deal with it. However, I'm in my late 20s and my mom has been in Al-Anon off and on for years. That helps.
Telling family is so different for different people. Have you told them something sensitive and difficult in the past? How did they respond?
I told my mom about my alcoholism just a couple weeks ago and she was so happy for me that I had recognized my problem and was getting help to deal with it. However, I'm in my late 20s and my mom has been in Al-Anon off and on for years. That helps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4
Thank you all for telling your stories, and giving suggestions. I am in my mid-20s, I have been (financially) independent from my parents for years, and live a few hours away from them. I have older brothers, so I decided to talk to one of them, as he has more experience with my parents than I do, having been around longer. On a side note, by chance, I had forgotten that my brother's best friend is a drug abuse and addiction specialist who teaches at schools and rehab centers. I never even thought about that valuable resource, and he got the two of us in touch. I spent hours last night on the phone with her, and it was incredibly helpful. Anyway, back to my point... my brother suggested that I say what I already did in my first post, the truth, that it is simply not their fault:
I have a drug problem, I am already seeking help, I truly want to get better, and I need your support through this. The start of my drug use coincided with a certain event in my life, that has nothing to do with the two of you. Do not think that this problem reflects on your parenting skills. I may have fallen into a pattern of addiction, but you raised me to look at myself and try to change those flaws which I am capable of changing. Addiction can strike anyone, of any background at all. You did not cause it, but you can help me have the strength to stop.
I am leaving this afternoon to go speak to them in person. I have not used today, and I feel pretty confident that I will not. Every minute, every hour, is one more that I am sober, and I don't want to have to start the count again!
I have a drug problem, I am already seeking help, I truly want to get better, and I need your support through this. The start of my drug use coincided with a certain event in my life, that has nothing to do with the two of you. Do not think that this problem reflects on your parenting skills. I may have fallen into a pattern of addiction, but you raised me to look at myself and try to change those flaws which I am capable of changing. Addiction can strike anyone, of any background at all. You did not cause it, but you can help me have the strength to stop.
I am leaving this afternoon to go speak to them in person. I have not used today, and I feel pretty confident that I will not. Every minute, every hour, is one more that I am sober, and I don't want to have to start the count again!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Outside Philly
Posts: 4
I'm in the same boat, and I have decided that at this point it would hinder my healing and progression to drag my parents into this anymore than they already are. Best of luck to you. If I figure out how to do it, I'll let you know.
I do know this however, that in the past when I have tried to speak to them about it, they come at me aggressive and very angrily. That's why I've chosen to try to walk this without them for the time being.
Love and light to you,
Spiorad Aillil
I do know this however, that in the past when I have tried to speak to them about it, they come at me aggressive and very angrily. That's why I've chosen to try to walk this without them for the time being.
Love and light to you,
Spiorad Aillil
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4
As I mentioned earlier, there was a particular event that really started me using... it was an event which everyone was so happy about, but it wasn't bringing me joy, and I just wanted to forget about it. I got engaged, then realized it was the wrong decision. I tried to escape instead of confronting the problem head on. My parents knew I was stressed about it, and I've always lost my appetite when stressed, so they don't suspect a deeper reason why I've lost 20 pounds since I started using. I'm fairly tall and was already lean, and I'll admit, dropping 20 pounds has made me look very weird, and of course, unhealthy. My clothes don't fit, even a ring I wear won't stay on my finger because it's so bony now. I was eating once or twice a week, because I knew I should be eating, but I never felt a real desire to. Today, I actually feel hungry! I forgot what that is like. Craving food, eating it and enjoying it, and satisfying the hunger. It sounds so silly, and it's so trivial, but it feels good to have that small bit of normalcy back. I am looking forward to gaining the weight back, because I love fashion, and all of my clothes fit my regular body, not this skeletal, freakish thing.
I am having cravings for cocaine today, not because I feel like I want it, or need it, but because it's just what I would normally be doing. But of course, my rational side knows it would be silly turn back, especially since my body isn't desiring it, but my mind, and hands are used to going through the motions. After reading through a lot of posts, it seems like this is pretty normal for everyone, including those of you who have given up alcohol addictions. It is strange to not want something, but to feel compelled to keep up the habit and schedule. I am still confident that I will not use today, and I'm determined not to let myself down.
The internal struggle with addiction is such an interesting thing. In my experience, part of my mind wanted the escape, but another part was telling me it was wrong, and making me feel guilty. And now the voice of addiction inside my head is telling me to do it... but the other part of my mind knows that it's pointless and would undermine my recovering. Thankfully, the part that is resisting is stronger than the addiction, at least for the time being. It is hard to understand my mind revolting against itself. Where did this damaging and harmful part come from? Or perhaps it was always there, but it was quiet until I fed it.
I am having cravings for cocaine today, not because I feel like I want it, or need it, but because it's just what I would normally be doing. But of course, my rational side knows it would be silly turn back, especially since my body isn't desiring it, but my mind, and hands are used to going through the motions. After reading through a lot of posts, it seems like this is pretty normal for everyone, including those of you who have given up alcohol addictions. It is strange to not want something, but to feel compelled to keep up the habit and schedule. I am still confident that I will not use today, and I'm determined not to let myself down.
The internal struggle with addiction is such an interesting thing. In my experience, part of my mind wanted the escape, but another part was telling me it was wrong, and making me feel guilty. And now the voice of addiction inside my head is telling me to do it... but the other part of my mind knows that it's pointless and would undermine my recovering. Thankfully, the part that is resisting is stronger than the addiction, at least for the time being. It is hard to understand my mind revolting against itself. Where did this damaging and harmful part come from? Or perhaps it was always there, but it was quiet until I fed it.
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
Posts: 1,946
Limecilantro, Welcome!
First, your name is making me hungry
You sound great! I am so happy for you that you are dealing with the problem early rather than late in your addiction. Because if you continue, it will get you.
You are very blessed with your support system and I think your plan to tell your parents is wonderful.
It is a testament to their good parenting that you are seeking help now!
Just one day at a time. Develop some new hobbies, stay busy. I took up kickboxing!
First, your name is making me hungry
You sound great! I am so happy for you that you are dealing with the problem early rather than late in your addiction. Because if you continue, it will get you.
You are very blessed with your support system and I think your plan to tell your parents is wonderful.
It is a testament to their good parenting that you are seeking help now!
Just one day at a time. Develop some new hobbies, stay busy. I took up kickboxing!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4
Whooo... okay! I am now back from visiting with my parents. I was really really nervous on the drive there yesterday, and they knew as soon as I walked in that something was wrong, so it only took me about 5 minutes to blurt it out. They were sad, and they really didn't understand... it is a hard thing to relate to. I know if someone told me this kind of stuff a few months ago I would be blown away, and have no idea what to say. No one in my family has ever battled with addiction before. They wondered how I let it happen, and why I let it go "for so long." I had to remind them that while it was a long time, that I'm glad I realized the error of my ways so soon into it, instead of waiting until my life to really started spiraling out of control. Eventually, they realized that I had a valid point. They expressed appreciation for taking the initiative to get help, and commended the fact that I choose really great people to have in my life (my friends, who have helped me a lot) and they thanked me for my honesty. Most importantly, they remembered that I'm still their daughter, the same person that they know and love. We had a nice, normal day together today. I think that helped the most. They weren't in denial about it, and they still had some questions, and still communicated about it, but they still treated me the same, and acted the same way towards me. For all the guilt and shame I had felt, it felt good to still be totally accepted by my parents. They stayed really positive, and once they got through the initial shock last night, they just kept talking about moving forward and thinking about all the right things to do in the future, instead of dwelling on the things I had done wrong in the past. They took me out for dinner last night and lunch today for some delicious meals, to celebrate the fact that I was eating again.
I got to wake up in a room this morning overlooking the ocean, and I felt great. My parents were there when I woke up, my brother called me this afternoon, and a few of my friends got in touch, and I haven't felt a craving for cocaine all day. I barely thought of it. But I did think, I have such a wonderful life, filled with beautiful people, why would I ever want to miss a moment of it again by being under the influence? Today, I can't imagine ever doing it again. My sinuses are clear, and it was great being able to smell the ocean air. I got back to the city, and some of my friends took me out to dinner, I even ran into a friend from high school walking to the subway. The whole universe was just throwing it in my face today: It's good to be me! I probably sound so corny, but I haven't been this happy in so long.
On another note, I got a PM from someone, but I don't have enough posts to respond, so if you read this...
Thank you so much for the message. I really appreciate you reaching out to me. It was great to hear from the parent of an addict. You were right, honesty is the best way to go. <3
Two nights ago I was having a full-on panic attack at the thought of flushing the cocaine down the toilet (as per the advice of many people), today, when I got home, I couldn't wait to get rid of it!
I feel like myself again.
I got to wake up in a room this morning overlooking the ocean, and I felt great. My parents were there when I woke up, my brother called me this afternoon, and a few of my friends got in touch, and I haven't felt a craving for cocaine all day. I barely thought of it. But I did think, I have such a wonderful life, filled with beautiful people, why would I ever want to miss a moment of it again by being under the influence? Today, I can't imagine ever doing it again. My sinuses are clear, and it was great being able to smell the ocean air. I got back to the city, and some of my friends took me out to dinner, I even ran into a friend from high school walking to the subway. The whole universe was just throwing it in my face today: It's good to be me! I probably sound so corny, but I haven't been this happy in so long.
On another note, I got a PM from someone, but I don't have enough posts to respond, so if you read this...
Thank you so much for the message. I really appreciate you reaching out to me. It was great to hear from the parent of an addict. You were right, honesty is the best way to go. <3
Two nights ago I was having a full-on panic attack at the thought of flushing the cocaine down the toilet (as per the advice of many people), today, when I got home, I couldn't wait to get rid of it!
I feel like myself again.
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