savingmaggie

I decided yesterday to answer the phone if my ABF called...I haven't spoken to him in 8 days and thought if he calls I will finally tell him it's over. When he called he was sobbing uncontrollably... said he woke up to a huge mess in the house....his daughter was incoherent....he looked around and found her sleeping pill bottle empty...it had over 20 pills in it.

He was crying and did not know what to do...he said he convinced her to lie down and she was sleeping when he called me...I told him she may not wake up and that he should call an ambulance....he asked if I would answer my phone if he called for one and I said I would....he said he needed a friend...

The ambulance had to divert to a closer hospital because her pulse dropped to below 40....later in the day they transported her to the bigger hospital and committed her to the psychiatric unit....they called him last night to come get her....she was no suicidal she was just busy getting high....He talked them into keeping her and this morning she called as if nothing happened and stated she wanted him to come and get her....he refused...

I tried to talk to him about calling the prosecutor and asking him if they will place her back in jail....she only lasted 40 hours at the long term rehab she was supposed to get treatment from for the next 7 months and it was a condition to having her released into his custody...

I have tried to maintain my distance....I still believe that I am ready to move on...I just couldn't drop that bomb on top of what he is dealing with....I sense this situation with his daughter is not going to end well....but it is out of my control...I guess I wanted to offer some support but I could really benefit from the insights of the members here...

Thanks all

Maggie

Lilyflower

Yes, I can see why you didn't want to tell him when all that is happening in his life. I think I would do the same.

I think you handled the situation with him well. It sounds as though you offered a sympathetic ear and advice, but did not jump in on his problem.

One thing I would say is that with an A and an A who has an addicted daughter, there is probably always going to be some mini crisis going on that may have you thinking, ''but he is dealing with such and such now'', then it will be his birthday, valentines, christmas, it goes on and on.

I would tell him soon if you are going to, just so that you can move on, and he knows were he stands. JMO

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Freedom1990

I agree wholeheartedly.

savingmaggie

Thanks for your responses. I decided to accept his invitation to supper tonight in order to talk to him about how I feel and that I can no longer remain in a relationship that is unhealthy.

Well....I get there and a moment later his car pulls in. His friend is driving....I knew in that moment that my ABF spent the afternoon drinking with his friends. He and his 76 year old alcoholic neighbor peeled out of the vehicle. My ABF was trying hard to appear sober but failed miserably.

I started to feel very emotional. I watched as they made their way into the house and his friend that was driving starts to drink and play guitar....our supper remained on the cupboard. His girlfriend shows up to pick him up and after working long hours today she stated that she was tired and wanted to go home....he proceeded to try to get her to stay for one more beer...they finally got into a big fight and when she left without him....I left too..

My ABF called me trying to get me to come back....I told him that I was hurt and no longer wanted to spend one more day involved with someone drowning in alcoholism....What the hell would I be coming back to? I told him to feed out supper to his friends....I told him that he was actually one parent who gave a sh*t about his daughter but was too drunk all the time to be effective...he eventually told me to F off and I hung up...

He later called and left a message about how could I do this to him when he is already dealing with enough and that he wasn't drinking very much and did not know why I would do such a thing to him....I mean geez I went to all the trouble to pick up steak and salad...blah blah blah

I feel like such a fool for even going there....I mean what did I expect? Some miracle....that he would see all he is losing....that I would matter....oh man..

GiveLove

As usual, Maggie, he is making you out to be the bad guy. It's all about him, just like always. How could she do this to MEEEEEEEEEE ? Dragging you into the crisis with him, regardless of its effect on your life & happiness. Yeah, I said it: the "H" word. You deserve happiness, not this bizarre psycho-drama.

You need this kind of relationship like a fish needs a bicycle. You can't save him, and you can't save his daughter, and he doesn't even respect you "as a friend" and supporter enough to not get drunk when you're going to get together.

I know this hurts, but I hope you are at a place where you can cut your losses and move on. Somewhere out there is someone for you who will listen to what YOU need & want, someone you can really be there for (knowing he'll be there for you.) With this relationship, you're just throwing all that love down a hole.

Hugs to you, to take care of yourself and move on to a better life

savingmaggie

I am going to be okay...I had a good cry then focused on doing something nice for myself....had a hot bath....painted my nails...cleaned out the bottom of my closet and put away all the things that reminded me of him....now I am heading to bed...I have a good book to read and I hope to sleep well...

Tomorrow I will do the same...I will put one foot in front of the other and move forward...I will try very hard not to look back....

I really appreciate everything you all have said to me....thank you....you are such amazing people on this site....

Hugs