maisie

hi i haven't been around for a while, you guys were right it did get worse before it got better, but my alcoholic, coke addicted husband hit his rock bottom, he threw himself into AA, NA, CA and anything else he could find, got his sponsor (to whom i'm eternally grateful) did his steps, and stayed clean and dry the whole time, it was hard for us, me accepting his other life, women included, but we battled hard and i felt we were stronger and happier than ever but 4 months on and he has now decieded that he's dealt with his demons, he wouldn't touch coke if his life depended on it, but he now believes he can become a social drinker, every piece of literature i've read tells me other wise, i'm scared that i'm now gonna sit here and watch our lives become the train wreck it was 6 months ago, we have 2 babies and i really don't want to leave any advice much appreciated

riaerif

I don't know about advice, but I can tell you my experience. There was a point in time where I had to decide that I was in control of my life and not my addict. It's SO hard and I don't say this lightly when I explain what I did. It isn't easy and it hurts more than anything to do, but I had a point where I said no more.

My addict could be addicted or do whatever she wanted with it, but it would not be a part of my life. She is now in recovery with the understanding that if she goes back to her addiction or to the pattern of behavior that led to her addiction that I am gone, out of here and she's on her own.

It's not easy because our lives become so wrapped up in theirs, but it's THEIR life and their choice and it's not fair for it to have such a direct impact on our own lives.

You're strong by the sounds of it, but you are not responsible for his addiction and you will not be responsible for his recovery. That's all on him. Your choice, though, is whether to get on that rollercoaster with him or step back and say you're ready to stand on solid ground while he does with his life what he will.

I wish you the best of luck with this horrible situation.

Freedom1990

I understand the fear.

I find that it helps me to not focus on waiting for the other shoe to drop when I start focusing on what can I do for myself?

Far too often I gave the addict in my life complete control over me, and it only got worse.

I've also practiced very hard on living in the moment right in front of me, rather than letting my mind race to the future and the 'what ifs'.