cyclelady

So we had our first councelling session on Saturday. My step dad came down to pick up the kids. My AH had asked my 9 yo -what are you guys leaving so early for?, my 9yo said that he couldnt tell him.
My AH got angry cuz he thought that I was telling him to say this and was trying to hide something. AH confronted me, I said REMEMBER the session is today that is all and maybe since you werent getting dressed and I was leaving in 5 min he thought you werent going. I DONT KNOW!! ughh

Anyways he got dressed and came along with me! We got in the session and he had an attitude from the getgo. The counselor asked normal questions about family history and such. Then started asking why we were there, oh brother! AH started saying "I drink and she wants to control me and doesnt want me to drink" He said that I B*&ch about EVERYTHING- He gives me everything and I'm NEVER satisfied. He GAVE me a motorcycle! HUH! I work and earn money also, It kills me when he says that he gives me things and I dont appreciate them! He acts as if I sit on my behind all day and have servents give me everything as he is out struggling to make things happen! It drives me crazy -Needless to say we "got into it" at the session and the couselor was actually surprised. He said that people usually try to contain themselves for the first few sessions, but not us! I said well we wouldnt be here if we were able to "contain" things.

The counselor said that we never finish anything and keep pulling other subjects into the discussion ~ (do all alcoholic relationships do this? Is this normal for the situation)

It ended with the counselor saying we dont respect each other (true) and we need to learn to talk to each other (true) but how can you talk to beer? It is in the equation daily now, again. The counselor gave us a work sheet to do "together" things we will change about ourselves. HMMMM, since "I'm perfect" (sarcasm) I dont see a need!! I need to think about things I want to change for ME! We are to bring the sheet back on the next visit.
I like this counselor, he seems to be well aware of addictions.

On the other hand my AH said went from "I will only have a beer every now and then" to He has had beer EVERYday this past week (again) It used to be 12+++ beers a night to a "few" Since he drinks at work as well I cant really see how many he is drinking, guess it doesnt matter how many only bout the behavior. UGHHHH. This is a never ending cycle and I need to get off the merry-go-round sometime.
I am irritated and guess needed to vent Thanks for listening

denny57

Being aware of addiction and understanding it are two different things.

Most counselors who understand addiction wouldn't, in my opinion, be doing couples counseling until the addiction was addressed. Listen to your gut - it isn't possible to learn communication skills with an active alcoholic. All they want to hear is "it's ok to drink."

Good luck.

cyclelady

Most counselors who understand addiction wouldn't, in my opinion, be doing couples counseling until the addiction was addressed.

Thanks Denny - I have heard this. I guess I'm hoping that he wants to "build" a raport (trust)with AH first then go from there? AH said something about a HP and the counselor asked how he knew about that and also asked if I had any other counseling and I told him I had attended Al-anon.

After the fact I thought how can we communicate when the "beer" is the voice daily that I try to talk to. Lately, my gut is telling me just to leave the AH and NEVER look back becuase it is a merry-go-round! For my mind sake I need to believe that I have exasperated every available option out there for MYSELF. I dont want to feel like a failure I guess for not trying.
Thanks again.