TwelveXII

Well let me first start off by saying I am new to the site and am Incredibly grateful that it exists. I don't have very good oultets into talking about this subject. Most my friends come from good homes and good parents, so it is hard to talk to people who undertand.

I registered for this site because things have gotten so bad at home that I can't just bottle it up anymore.

I am 22 years old, I live with my mother and my two siblings. I work part and go to college full time for law enforcement.

My mother has been drinking for about 10 years. In the last six it has gotten really bad. When my grandfather died in 2002 (her father), my mother started to drink heavily. It ended up with her getting a divorce from my step father.

Every night for the past six years my home has become a nightmare. My mother will drink from the time she gets home from work until she passes out.

She verbally assaults mys siblings and I for hours and hours..

Recently my grandmother passed away this past November. As a result, my mother has reached a point where she will become physically abusive. (just last week she threw a toaster at me.

She ended up getting fired from her job because she showed up drunk. We've moved three times in the past year because of her alcoholism.

I would love to just move out, but to do so I would have to work full time and drop out of school.

I have always been able to take her punishment until recently it seems. I feel like a Prisoner of War and my interigators have finally broken me.

I cant maintain a relationship with a girl because of my mother (when i bring them around she verablly assaults them)

I cant fall asleep before 3am (because she usually does'nt pass out until then)

I can't study in peace.

I constantly feel trapped and hopeless. I recently contemplated just calling the police when she acts out.

Really in all the years I've dealt with her I think I've reached a point where I honestly feel like I no longer love her. I dont know what to do anymore.

wish he'd quit

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I wish I had some sort of magical advice to help you. What I can tell you is that dropping out of school is not a good idea if you can avoid it. Have you thought about maybe checking into county benefits like food stamps or TANF? I am currently going through a divorce and go to school over half time and work part time. I am going to apply for benefits. Getting through school is hard enough when you are young let alone when you get older and have kids. I'm to stubborn to let anyone hold me back. If it is just you maybe you could rent a room someplace or if you have kids you should qualify for something anyways. Good luck!

linasandy

Son of an alcoholic mother feels a lot in his life for love,happiness and affection. Mothers must take care of her children from childhood ,then the children will get happy life.
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linasandy

linasandy

:praying

benblesed5

Welcome, you will find many who can relate to what you are going through and hopefully having support will begin to ease some of your anxiety and pain. I am so sorry for all you and your siblings are having to endure, I am assuming you are the oldest, which places you in a position of feeling responsible. Know that this is not your fault, that it is ok, to feel as though you don't love her any longer as well, it is very difficult to feel love for someone who treats you so horribly and unjust.

The best thing might be to find others who can help out, adults, family members and even government help if your siblings are minors. It isn't right for you and your siblings to be abused in any way. Alanon is a great beginning and there are many people there who have been where you are and can help guide you on your way to heloing yourself and getting help for your siblings as well. Keep coming, keep striving one day at a time, and know that you can't fix your Mom but you can help yourself and in return you siblings can find help and understanding as well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

respektingme

TwelveXII,

Your story is heartbreaking. I don't have the answers for you. I'm sure others will have some suggestions. But I'm thinking about you and hope that you have a very positive life after you get away from her insanity.

HopeandPrayer

you might try checking at your college for assistance. They sometimes have counseling and other programs free of charge to their students, I know mne does.

Lilyflower

TwelveXII, welcome to SR! I am going to just repeat what I said to Williamsditto, you guys are in the same situation...

Have a read of the stickies at the top of the forum. Remember that you didn't cause this, you cannot control it and you cannot cure it. You must take care of yourself. Reach out to your school, caring adults within your family, contact CPS.

It is not wrong to reach out to these people for help for you! Your mum may well have you believing that if you speak of it, you are betraying her. The opposite is true. Your mum needs help. So do you. However, your mum's problems are not yours, they are hers, and you have every right to ensure that your life is not hampered or suffering because of a problem that she needs to take care of.

Do not hold secrets regarding this, it is nothing to be ashamed about.

Try to get to an Ala-teen, al anon meeting where you will find extra support about how to deal with alcoholism in a healthy way. Keep reading here and posting for support.

Also, TwelveXII, your college should definately be able to get you into counselling for free, check out all the support available to you. I had a baby at 18yrs, went to college and then on to university, worked and managed to support myself. It was very hard, but not impossible!

Love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

YellowRed

Try to get help from college or go to an al-anon meeting if you can. Are there ways in which you can find time to study away from home so your studies aren't disturbed? I would really try to encourage you to stay in school if possible as it will be better for you in the longer term. However, one BIG caveat is that if you get to the point where you feel you are in danger or are being physically abused, then you should remove yourself from the situation. no-one deserves that. You say you have siblings - are they old enough to talk about this with you? Hang in there - your future is yours, and no-one can take that away from you.

respektingme

One little thing.... I used to study at Denny's. A friend of mine used to study at Kinko's too. Would give you more time away from the house.

Chrysalis123

First, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I applaud you for reaching out for help. You have found a great site full of people that can understand and that have developed wisdom while working their own recovery.

There is hope and you will get out of this mess. It is probably hard to see at this point in time. Alanon and its books would be a great place to start. Really check into the counseling at your college because lots of us, including me are using counselors to help us become healed.

Please come back and post as much as you need. We are here for you.

Janitw

Ohhhh sweetie.....your story sounds all too familiar to me. I have children that are your age and I could only wonder how they would have handled my XAH if they hadn't had me here while they were growing up. I too had an alcoholic mother and I flew the coup as soon as I possibly could. Which for me was 18. I never spent the night there again. The only thing that I can suggest for you to do is come and go as you are now but maybe try studying at the library where you can study in peace. School is so very important and I have to say that in the future you could very well be the only care taker of that family with regards to your siblings. Your mother is in desperate need of rehab - this is not a problem that you are equipped to handle within the household hun. By all means call for help from Family Services at once. I know you are capable to take care of yourself but I have to worry about the younger ones. Please Please get some help over there okay.

Janitw

Bernadette

Hey 12--
Welcome to SR.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and your Mom is going to continue to deteriorate. How old are your sibs?
Can you get to a AlAnon meeting? AlAnon is the group for people who love, live with, or are related to, or friends with alcoholics and who are finding the disease is ruining their own lives too. You'll meet people there and you can get some literature that will be very helpful. It is anonymous and free.
Here's the link Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
Check it out-- It saved my sanity when I finally found AlAnon. I had an alcoholic father and I have 3 alkie brothers. It really sux- and you are suffering like this because you are a good person trying to do the right thing-- but alcoholism is stronger than your mom and stronger than you too- you cannot fix it, make it stop, control it - as I'm sure you've seen. Only your Mom, if and when she has had enough, can seek sobriety and recovery. And that help often comes from other alcoholics - it doesn't come from us.

You're young and smart- check out the mental health counseling offered at your school. It's probably free to students. I'd get in there asap and tell them the whole story. They may be able to really get the ball moving and help you and your sibs.

Things will change once you decide to really change them and take some action. You don't have to live with this insanity. Please take care of yourself. We are all here for the same reason you are, and collectively on this site we've seen everything-- you are not alone.

Peace,
B.