tanyapmc

Today has been one of my hardest days clean and sober so far. I have been clean and sober for 19 1/2 months and I don't want to throw it away.

My Mom fell today and broke her elbow in three places. She is still in the hospital. She will have surgery sometime this week. My dad is in his 80s and has had a couple of strokes and can't stay alone. I feel so pulled apart.

I am staying with him tonight and will return to the hospital in the morning.

During all of their other health problems I was using so I have never been the one to rely on. I am grateful that I can be depended on but I am so freaking overwhelmed.

They have pills in this house. I already looked. I just want to escape. Take the edge off.

I'm not going to take them tonight, but I really really really want to.

Thanks for reading this.

Dee74

I know you won't Tan

It's hard being the go to guy but I know you can do it.
My advice is just stay in the moment....don't run ahead too much, 'k?
Keep it real. You're not that Tanya anymore.


D

oh and LOL

nogard

hey tanya,

I give you back your kind words, just hang on, lets both hang on and do the things that we know work.

What I do know is that it has not changed out their its still jails institutions and death, all of those are possible for me.

I am posting here, talking about it and constantly connecting with my hp, at present saying the serenity prayer like a chant.

What are you doing Tanya?

Kevin

Jules62

Oh Tan Hang in there hun.As Dee said-that's the old you and you don't need to go back there.You are stronger than you know-even if you don't feel it right now.

We love you and we'd hate to lose you.Remember that.You are a special woman who deserves to stay clean and have a better life.

I don't know what else I can say but just know I'm here and pulling for you.

Much love,

Julesxox

bostonluv

I'm glad you posted your thoughts out loud here. Sometimes that helps in itself just to admit what you're thinking. Gosh, you have a lot on your plate. Of course you're tempted. You already know what to do and sounds like you are doing it. Just adding that I am supporting you also. You have your own little cheerleader section here.

Aysha

(((Tanya))))

nogard

Still here and chanting Tanya, chanting for you as well

tanyapmc

Yall made me cry. Again. Seems like I've done alot of that today. Thanks for your support. What would I do without yall? Luckily I won't have to find out. I'm hanging in there. Praying alot. Trusting the process.

Ananda

we're all hangin in there with you tanya! do whatever it takes to stay sober and clean!

Glenn67

My mother fell in the shower and broke 4 ribs last year.I know the percs I had doing my gall bladder op. were great.I had to stop myself from getting more.Remember they are a gateway to heroin etc.I take seroquel my dr. gave me to calm down when I feel anxious.
Might want to try something like that.Remember your mom needs them much more then you.Thats what stopped me from taking them.

tanyapmc

Glenn, my Mom is still in the hospital. But they have pills here. I haven't taken any. I won't not tonight anyway. I don't want to give up my 19 months that I have clean and sober. I have worked WAY to hard.

It's 3:20am and I can't sleep. Someone please remind me that I won't die from one night of not sleeping!

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Thanks again to all of you for your support. I means more to me that I can express.

Dee74

You won't die from one night not sleeping

You did well. Proud of you Tan

See you tomorrow (not going to bed LOL just TV)

D

Lenina

You won't die from one night of not sleeping. You won't die even if you don't sleep the next. You've got a lot on your plate right now so it's normal that you would be stressed. Take a warm bath, listen to some soothing music or read a book.

You'll be OK.

Love,

Lenina

Rowan

I couldn't sleep last night either, Tan. I wish I had logged in and seen this thread; we could have kept one another company - one pillhead to another.

If you haven't already, please call your sponsor or other friend in the program. If possible, have them stay with you at your parents' house while you are there. Don't feel bad about asking for this - I've had to do the same.

I hope your Mom is okay. A broken elbow must be painful!

I'll be on later from work - PM me if you need to. Will be thinking of you and sending you strength across the miles.

Love you.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Thinking of you this morning..

xo

stone

Take it from me you do not want to go back to how it was before! Love ya Tan.

gypsytears

You won't die from not sleeping Tanya.

However,you might die from starting up again.I know those "want to" thoughts and feelings. As hard as they are, they do pass. You have come so far to throw all that you've worked for,all that you've become away. I know you won't. Thinking of you and your parents. I'm sorry you're going through this rough patch right now. I know between your parents and all that you've been through health wise yourself how difficult it must be some days. Keep posting and don't let your thoughts lead to trouble .

Love you hun .

Anna

Hi Tanya,

I hope you feel better today!

Prayers for you and your family.

Rella927

I could not have said it any better! Tan hang in there
sweets...breathe and take us idiots with you like Gyps does
and you will be fine!

parentrecovers

mornin', tanho. here and cheering for you! prayers - for you and your parents.

hugs, k