dry drunk...him, not me....I drank
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
dry drunk...him, not me....I drank
I'm just going to spit it out....yesterday I went to my husband's appt with his psychiatrist. (husband has 3 yrs clean from 20+ yrs of crack/diagnosed with bipolar in June/doesn't work a program). Basically, the man told him that he is a "dry drunk". Definitely wasn't news to me. I've lived with it and knew exactly what it is. Dr. M told him that I was in a different place than he is - recommended the same thing that everyone else has told him....work a program. He's just not going to - bottom line. The bipolar meds are helping but I am just so sensitive to all of his crap that nothing escapes my radar.
I am inbetween two canals of alligators. Either way I go I am bit - and probably eaten up. Stay or go - neither is pretty. I've been sober for 2 1/2 years - up until tonight when I drank a bottle of wine. It's been building up. I never felt like I fit in at AA (too high of a bottom and always felt like a "wannabe"). I heard a number of women say that if you aren't happy in sobriety then you might as well drink. Finally succumbed to the thought.
Anyway - maybe I'm just trying to serve as a warning. Sobriety without recovery isn't worth living with in the long run. I am consumed with guilt and shame for my choices in life and feel like a friggin lost cause. I feel beaten down and everyone I know can see it in my eyes. I feel like I have dragged my sons (ages 13 and 14) through so much. They desparately want to move back into my home that husband gutted and has completely rennovated. It is about as deluxe as they come (he is a contractor and went into a mania when it began - thus, the Taj Mahal). It is a gorgeous home but overbuilt for the neighborhood. All of my equity is caught up in it and it will be years before we can recoup the investment.
I don't know that point of any of this but I did need to just say again....sobriety without recovery ain't worth sticking around for. Addiction is one nasty disease - and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the substances are but a symptom....what is really at the root of it is a sickness of the spirit.
I am inbetween two canals of alligators. Either way I go I am bit - and probably eaten up. Stay or go - neither is pretty. I've been sober for 2 1/2 years - up until tonight when I drank a bottle of wine. It's been building up. I never felt like I fit in at AA (too high of a bottom and always felt like a "wannabe"). I heard a number of women say that if you aren't happy in sobriety then you might as well drink. Finally succumbed to the thought.
Anyway - maybe I'm just trying to serve as a warning. Sobriety without recovery isn't worth living with in the long run. I am consumed with guilt and shame for my choices in life and feel like a friggin lost cause. I feel beaten down and everyone I know can see it in my eyes. I feel like I have dragged my sons (ages 13 and 14) through so much. They desparately want to move back into my home that husband gutted and has completely rennovated. It is about as deluxe as they come (he is a contractor and went into a mania when it began - thus, the Taj Mahal). It is a gorgeous home but overbuilt for the neighborhood. All of my equity is caught up in it and it will be years before we can recoup the investment.
I don't know that point of any of this but I did need to just say again....sobriety without recovery ain't worth sticking around for. Addiction is one nasty disease - and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that the substances are but a symptom....what is really at the root of it is a sickness of the spirit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 718
I am so sorry for your pain. I think you nailed it... It is a sickness of the spirit. IMO, the addicted person may get "healthier" when sober, but it's dealing with the demons and issues that needs to occur. Of course, the person has to want to do it and also has to see his current behavior, attitudes, beliefs, etc as an issue.
Ok, so you slipped up and you drank. Not good, but not the end of the world. Move forward. Do what he is not doing. Reach out... I think you just did... go to a meeting, start over today. Go back and read the various posts here... choices are choices. They don't have to be going from the frying pan into the fire... they are just different. You know what you want and you know what you need. Stay strong. He has to find his way and it sounds like you have done more than your share to help him along. Now, help you.
Here's to a better day. Clear the cobwebs, pull yourself up and get going!!!!!
HUGS
Ok, so you slipped up and you drank. Not good, but not the end of the world. Move forward. Do what he is not doing. Reach out... I think you just did... go to a meeting, start over today. Go back and read the various posts here... choices are choices. They don't have to be going from the frying pan into the fire... they are just different. You know what you want and you know what you need. Stay strong. He has to find his way and it sounds like you have done more than your share to help him along. Now, help you.
Here's to a better day. Clear the cobwebs, pull yourself up and get going!!!!!
HUGS
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((lightseeker))
Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal, there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or it may just blend in with all the other surroundings, but it is there. It's your path, and it is calling you hun.
As you know, you can only change yourself, not him. I know that when you look around, it probably feels like you are in a trap. Damned if you do and damned if you don't situation, trapped by what seem like limited choices, limited surrounding.... limited control.
You do have control, over you. When was the last time you consentrated on you. Did something just for yourself that gave you pleasure? Walked by a lake or river, looked at a sunset or sunrise, by yourself. When was the last time you were in a beautiful, quiet setting, and put all your worries aside to just obsorb the beauty, and listen to your own heart.
Try to find that safe beautiful place, just to escape to once in a while, just to rejuvinate and replenish your own soul and feel some peace. Then try to carry that image with you, use it as a tool when it feels like you just can't take any more.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal, there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or it may just blend in with all the other surroundings, but it is there. It's your path, and it is calling you hun.
As you know, you can only change yourself, not him. I know that when you look around, it probably feels like you are in a trap. Damned if you do and damned if you don't situation, trapped by what seem like limited choices, limited surrounding.... limited control.
You do have control, over you. When was the last time you consentrated on you. Did something just for yourself that gave you pleasure? Walked by a lake or river, looked at a sunset or sunrise, by yourself. When was the last time you were in a beautiful, quiet setting, and put all your worries aside to just obsorb the beauty, and listen to your own heart.
Try to find that safe beautiful place, just to escape to once in a while, just to rejuvinate and replenish your own soul and feel some peace. Then try to carry that image with you, use it as a tool when it feels like you just can't take any more.
Hugs and Prayers
B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Man - you guys have totally nailed it. Thank you for your concern and extremely wise words. I had an ankle reconstruction 2 months ago and am still in a walker boot. The pain remains pretty intense (especially since I am back at work) and has limited my ability to get around and enjoy some of those places that bring me joy. The visual of a place between the gator canal and the taj mahal that is my path REALLY helps me a ton. It had grown over with kudzu and I forgot that it was there.
Thanks again
Thanks again
turning red!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: hong kong
Posts: 254
Hi lightseeker,
love the "between the gator & the TajMahal is your path"
That sounds just so exotic isn't it? Let's just say you're right now in the jungle and it might be difficult to see clear with all the vegetation and mosquitoes but hang in there, you almost there!
x
love the "between the gator & the TajMahal is your path"
That sounds just so exotic isn't it? Let's just say you're right now in the jungle and it might be difficult to see clear with all the vegetation and mosquitoes but hang in there, you almost there!x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
(((light)))
I'm with the jungle scenario - sounds so appropriate and easy to visualize! You are almost there and are doing great! Thank goodness you, me and everyone else - we're not perfect, but we keep reaching for the life we want - and that makes all the difference as much as I can see!
I'm with the jungle scenario - sounds so appropriate and easy to visualize! You are almost there and are doing great! Thank goodness you, me and everyone else - we're not perfect, but we keep reaching for the life we want - and that makes all the difference as much as I can see!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
lightseeker, I had my ankle reconstructed 23 years ago when my son was 5 months old. I had no help because I was a stubborn ass and too proud to accept it. The pain and frustration was enormous. The one smart thing I did was to call everyone I knew and pester them constantly.
I can't imagine having that surgery today with all the issues you have going on. I'm just glad you're reaching out and and welcome back to sobriety, recovery
I can't imagine having that surgery today with all the issues you have going on. I'm just glad you're reaching out and and welcome back to sobriety, recovery
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Donna)))))
Hey there, sweetie. I am so sorry you are in such pain...physically and emotionally. No beating yourself up - you know that does absolutely no good! You are a wonderful and caring person who is doing the best she can with crummy circumstances. You have had a little step backwards, but I find my steps backwards tend to happen when there is something i need to learn in order to take a huge step forward.
It helps me when I feel stuck and can't get to somewhere serene to create some serenity where I am at. I love candles and aroma melts...I create alittle area in my room with a wooden statue that to me exudes peace and I light my candles, filled the room with scent and put on some calming music. It helps me take my mind to that special place and visualize taking positive forward steps.
I also tend to think that no matter what 12 step program, it crosses over and helps in every aspect of my life. So if AA feels uncomfortable, how about a few extra Alanon or Naranon meetings and work the steps focusing on whichever aspect you find particularly troubling at the time? I have the Woman's Guide to the 12 steps and have used the workbook at various times for various things...codependency; feeling I started to abuse drinking to numb pain; my workaholic tendencies, maybe some day even to quit smoking. The things we share in naranon tend to carry over everywhere too.
And you know my friend that if you ever need an ear, I'm a phone call away, okay?
I read this the other day and thought it worth saving...wanted to share it with you.
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.--Orlando A. Battista
In our lives, we have always been drawn to extremes. If it isn't white, it must be black. If a little bit feels good, we take a lot. If we are going to do something, only perfection is good enough. So if we don't win, we lose, and if we can't do it perfectly, we feel like a failure.
In this program we learn to seek progress, not perfection. And we can only make progress by trial and error. We learn nothing if we don't try new things and sobriety the moment we decide to enter this program of recovery. When we surrender to our powerlessness over our addictions and codependency, we have to begin to learn how to live in a new way. It doesn't just happen all at once. So when we take our errors and our slips and agree to learn from them, we become stronger in our sobriety.
Today I accept my imperfection as a permanent condition, and I will keep coming back to the program of recovery. - From Wisdom to Know
Lots of hugs. :ghug3
Hey there, sweetie. I am so sorry you are in such pain...physically and emotionally. No beating yourself up - you know that does absolutely no good! You are a wonderful and caring person who is doing the best she can with crummy circumstances. You have had a little step backwards, but I find my steps backwards tend to happen when there is something i need to learn in order to take a huge step forward.
It helps me when I feel stuck and can't get to somewhere serene to create some serenity where I am at. I love candles and aroma melts...I create alittle area in my room with a wooden statue that to me exudes peace and I light my candles, filled the room with scent and put on some calming music. It helps me take my mind to that special place and visualize taking positive forward steps.
I also tend to think that no matter what 12 step program, it crosses over and helps in every aspect of my life. So if AA feels uncomfortable, how about a few extra Alanon or Naranon meetings and work the steps focusing on whichever aspect you find particularly troubling at the time? I have the Woman's Guide to the 12 steps and have used the workbook at various times for various things...codependency; feeling I started to abuse drinking to numb pain; my workaholic tendencies, maybe some day even to quit smoking. The things we share in naranon tend to carry over everywhere too.
And you know my friend that if you ever need an ear, I'm a phone call away, okay?
I read this the other day and thought it worth saving...wanted to share it with you.
An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.--Orlando A. Battista
In our lives, we have always been drawn to extremes. If it isn't white, it must be black. If a little bit feels good, we take a lot. If we are going to do something, only perfection is good enough. So if we don't win, we lose, and if we can't do it perfectly, we feel like a failure.
In this program we learn to seek progress, not perfection. And we can only make progress by trial and error. We learn nothing if we don't try new things and sobriety the moment we decide to enter this program of recovery. When we surrender to our powerlessness over our addictions and codependency, we have to begin to learn how to live in a new way. It doesn't just happen all at once. So when we take our errors and our slips and agree to learn from them, we become stronger in our sobriety.
Today I accept my imperfection as a permanent condition, and I will keep coming back to the program of recovery. - From Wisdom to Know
Lots of hugs. :ghug3
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by frankly 
((lightseeker))
Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal, there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or it may just blend in with all the other surroundings, but it is there. It's your path, and it is calling you hun.
Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal, there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or it may just blend in with all the other surroundings, but it is there. It's your path, and it is calling you hun.
Light, you don't have to do anything today, I have a feeling that time will lead you to what is right for you.
Keep taking care of you, I'm not too good with those gators myself.
Big Hugs and Lotsa Love
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Nomore, that's not a jerky thing to ask at all. Yes...I've definitely worked a recovery program and been an active member of AA, have a sponsor, and have worked the steps. I had 2 1/2 years and now have a day. In a way I'm glad that I did it because it quieted the voices in my head....I needed to do a little more research. I had forgotten about hangovers, not sleeping, and wasting days of my life "the next day". It definitely hasn't gotten any better. I think that it's always a good question to ask and reminds me to do the next right thing - even when I stumble.
Ya'll have been awesome and so loving and kind with your insight and support. I've learned that when you relapse it helps to quickly hear that one mistake is just one mistake. Somehow, I feel more centered and able to focus on me and able to better address all that is on my plate. I feel like I was spiraling and soaring out of control, fell, and a bunch of angels caught me and reminded me of God's presence (I mean all of you). Today I've felt a curious mixture of embarressment, shame, oh well, and some kind of strange reassurance of my humanity that has actually lightened my soul. Each of your comments has been exactly what I have needed to hear today -
Things have really been rough and bad for awhile. Talk about a dark night of the soul. Funny how even another rough/bad thing can actually be a breakthrough of sorts. I am planning to up my alanon/naranon meetings. It's a reminder to me to pay even better attention to my own self care.
Thank you everyone - your support always inspires me and continues to keep me humble.
Thanks
Ya'll have been awesome and so loving and kind with your insight and support. I've learned that when you relapse it helps to quickly hear that one mistake is just one mistake. Somehow, I feel more centered and able to focus on me and able to better address all that is on my plate. I feel like I was spiraling and soaring out of control, fell, and a bunch of angels caught me and reminded me of God's presence (I mean all of you). Today I've felt a curious mixture of embarressment, shame, oh well, and some kind of strange reassurance of my humanity that has actually lightened my soul. Each of your comments has been exactly what I have needed to hear today -
Things have really been rough and bad for awhile. Talk about a dark night of the soul. Funny how even another rough/bad thing can actually be a breakthrough of sorts. I am planning to up my alanon/naranon meetings. It's a reminder to me to pay even better attention to my own self care.
Thank you everyone - your support always inspires me and continues to keep me humble.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: southern cal
Posts: 84
(((Lightseeker)))
Ok I'll be selfish.......a very unusual and uncomfortable thing for a Codie to do......
But ya know what? I'll speak for many.... WE in this forum need you.
Your support and insight to me has been amazing and if you haven't realized yet how valuable of a human being you are...I will make it known now.
Just go read again some of your own posts.....many of them have become my own personal stickies in a file that I use to get through the day.
Yes, YOU are one of the reasons that I am getting healthier today.
YOU have provided me with tools, confidence, strength and courage to. Get through a really ugly and painful time.
I don't think I have the experience and wisdom to reciprocate, but if I could take the hope that I've developed from reading your posts and infuse your mind and heart with it to help YOU now, I would.
I have no place to preach to others what to do, but perhaps I can offer this:
You are loved by hundreds of people in this online family; you have no doubt saved many of us from perpetuating harmful behavior; and you have offered so much more hope than we could ever find on our own.....
Please know your calling may not be as obvious to you, like it is to the rest of us.
Rivka
Ok I'll be selfish.......a very unusual and uncomfortable thing for a Codie to do......
But ya know what? I'll speak for many.... WE in this forum need you.
Your support and insight to me has been amazing and if you haven't realized yet how valuable of a human being you are...I will make it known now.
Just go read again some of your own posts.....many of them have become my own personal stickies in a file that I use to get through the day.
Yes, YOU are one of the reasons that I am getting healthier today.
YOU have provided me with tools, confidence, strength and courage to. Get through a really ugly and painful time.
I don't think I have the experience and wisdom to reciprocate, but if I could take the hope that I've developed from reading your posts and infuse your mind and heart with it to help YOU now, I would.
I have no place to preach to others what to do, but perhaps I can offer this:
You are loved by hundreds of people in this online family; you have no doubt saved many of us from perpetuating harmful behavior; and you have offered so much more hope than we could ever find on our own.....
Please know your calling may not be as obvious to you, like it is to the rest of us.
Rivka
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: on top of the hill
Posts: 197
(( lightseeker ))
Sweetie, I have been where you are in the relapse department. The smartest thing I did was to go and confess the next day to my AA group. That helped me so much, all the understanding was amazing. Things certainly can build up, but as you and I both know, we can't ever use that to justify a drink. Remember, today you have one more day than you did yesterday. You'll get back to your two years, I'm sure. Hang in there, if you ever want to talk, please pm me.
Susan
Sweetie, I have been where you are in the relapse department. The smartest thing I did was to go and confess the next day to my AA group. That helped me so much, all the understanding was amazing. Things certainly can build up, but as you and I both know, we can't ever use that to justify a drink. Remember, today you have one more day than you did yesterday. You'll get back to your two years, I'm sure. Hang in there, if you ever want to talk, please pm me.
Susan
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
(((((Lightseeker)))))))))))
So thankful you have posted here about your recent slip. So??? It was a slip. And I see you are already getting back up, brushing yourself off and taking a good look at what is going on inside of you.
I pray you'll be able to find the right kind of recovery that works for you. I know you've been in recovery at least 2 1/2 years, but am wondering if there could possibly be a better meeting, meaning a "better fit" meeting for you, you know, different folks? Maybe you've posted before now that you've tried 16 meetings and I just missed it. Or maybe there is only one meeting in your area. Guess I'm just going into my natural codie mode, trying to help you figure this out.
Gee, Light, you think I NEED a meeting?
You hang in there. You've got a good foundation and I just don't think it's going to crumble.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
So thankful you have posted here about your recent slip. So??? It was a slip. And I see you are already getting back up, brushing yourself off and taking a good look at what is going on inside of you.
I pray you'll be able to find the right kind of recovery that works for you. I know you've been in recovery at least 2 1/2 years, but am wondering if there could possibly be a better meeting, meaning a "better fit" meeting for you, you know, different folks? Maybe you've posted before now that you've tried 16 meetings and I just missed it. Or maybe there is only one meeting in your area. Guess I'm just going into my natural codie mode, trying to help you figure this out.
Gee, Light, you think I NEED a meeting?
You hang in there. You've got a good foundation and I just don't think it's going to crumble.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Earth School
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by lightseeker
I heard a number of women say that if you aren't happy in sobriety then you might as well drink. Finally succumbed to the thought.
GAWD I hate when people say that kind of thing -
"if you aren't happy in sobriety then you might as well drink". Gee, why don't they just go on out and buy the person a quart?! I swear, that's the kind of stuff that can help people take that drink - like you did. AA doesn't promise us that we'll feeeel better, it says we won't have to drink, a day at a time. If I drank every time I felt like crap and wasn't happy, I would have never, ever gotten sober or put together some time. I lived with horrible, deep, dark depression for many years into my sobriety. It's a wonder I stayed....yet, stayed I did and waited for the miracle to happen. I'm glad someone told me to hang on and wait for the miracle instead of telling me to go drink if I felt horrible. (Like that would make anything any better!??) I would NEVER tell someone if they're unhappy, to drink. That's what the steps are for, inventories are for and sharing. aghdghdghhghg! People! People that think they have all the answers for other people.[/QUOTE]Hangin}
(((((Lightseeker)))))))))))
So thankful you have posted here about your recent slip. So??? It was a slip. [/QUOTE]
I also don't believe in slips. We take a drink lonnnng before we pick up that drink or drug. That's really a crummy saying (to me). I'm not going to pat someone on the back and say, "there, there, you slipped". You drank, you know you drank, and you already have your own bad feelings and guilt about it. But the good news is....
you're getting right back on track again cause you know that isn't the life for you (drinking). THAT I can applaud. (I hate to see the disease win and take another soul with it). We must all hang together and be victorious against that ugly demon! (by myself I am nothing; in a group, I am strong). I'm sorry you saw drinking as your solution yet, there are no mistakes. Another reason why I would encourage people to hang on, just hang on as, every time we feed the disease by drinking, we subliminally tell the disease, "it's okay, I'll just drink when the going gets too bad".I'm very, very happy for your awarenesses and you see that the journey and recovery is about you.
One thing I don't get is this psychiatrist going with you to your husband's place? I'm surprised a doc like that would be involving the family.
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Scorpio,
My words were encouragement for Lightseeker. I feel sure she knows whether I used the word "slip", "relapse", "stumble" or whatever, I am proud that she is going after sobriety and recovery again.
Light, you have my umost respect.
Hangin' In
My words were encouragement for Lightseeker. I feel sure she knows whether I used the word "slip", "relapse", "stumble" or whatever, I am proud that she is going after sobriety and recovery again.
Light, you have my umost respect.
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Earth School
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by Hangin' In
My words were encouragement for Lightseeker. I feel sure she knows whether I used the word "slip", "relapse", "stumble" or whatever, I am proud that she is going after sobriety and recovery again.
Yes, I know they were words of encouragement.
I just don't use that word "slip" lightly. It downplays the truth (to me). My truth is and will always be that to make light of a slip, is hazardous to our health. It's important to know that when a person finally drinks after some time, the drink was there brewing inside for quite a while before the person acted on it. It's important to know what led up to it so it doesn't (hopefully) happen again.I meant no harm, LightSeeker (love that name!), as I am thrilled you received the awarenesses you did by your going out and this can and will be a strength for you going forward. It's a beautiful analogy that your chosen name is what you are striving to become more of.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
It has really helped me so much to read all that you have written to me over the weekend. At least today I am feeling less hung over.
Rivka - your post brought tears to my eyes. I had convinced myself that I had become invisible to the world. I'm grateful that anything that I might have shared has helped anyone in any way. Any wisdom that each of us gains is certainly through the school of hard knocks. Knowing that it ever helps anyone makes the pain of the past that much less. I hope that you've been doing okay and moving on through your experience.
Mjpaao-confession is good for the soul. It helps to hear from people that have been there too. I haven't made it back to my home group yet but I will. I have confessed though and am looking at all that has led up to that moment. Nothing is an excuse to pick up but at the time it did seem like the best option. All we each have is today and boy - is that true for me today. Thanks for the support.
Hangin - I'm glad that you put your post exactly the way that you did. It was what I needed to hear. Slip, relapse, skid, splat.....it doesn't matter what you call it. Personally, I've long referred to a slip as a limited step off of the path vs. a full blown return to the lifestyle (which is what I think of as a relapse). I know that there are many that choose different definitions but, hey, that's okay with me. It helped to read your words. Your suggestion to look for some other meetings is actually good advice. The meeting that I usually go to has a smoking porch that you have to walk up to and through to get inside. For some reason, that walk up has always felt uncomfortable. I know that I am not the only one in my group that feels that way - it makes a number of people feel left out. I've been to a number of different meetings in my city so I have a lot of options. I love the double winners here - my codie is constantly in relapse mode!
I'mAlright - your words felt like a great big warm hug. Thank you so much for your quick reply to me. It felt like a life line.
Scorpio - I've heard "stick around for the miracle" more that I heard the might as well drink if you aren't happy. I have spent most of my time in sobriety not in a good place. After 2 1/2 years I guess that the latter saying got into my head big time. It's been building and I know that I didn't do what I needed to do. I have learned that it is very important to be careful about idle comments like that and will make sure that they don't come from me. I too hate to see the disease take hold and am glad that my so-journ served as more of a reminder of the bad stuff that happens than anything else. I needed a refresher course in hangovers. They definitely have not improved. The psychiatrist visit that I went to w/my husband was to the doctor's office. The doctor likes to meet with family members periodically to get an additional read on the situation. He is adjusting bi-polar meds for my husband and I was glad to hear his (the doctor's opinion) on things. I think that it is fairly common for psychiatrists to do that. My sister in law is a nurse practitioner in the psych field and she said that it is very helpful to have family input from time to time.
Frankly, your wise words began to bushwack through the jungle. Your words picked me up off of the ground and allowed me to start the walk forward again.
Greet - ahhhhhhhh. We've walked a lot of miles together here haven't we. I agree that no matter what 12 step program we work it all crosses over. Ironically, it was the alanony and codie issues that led me to down the wine. I'm heading to an alanon meeting in the morning and that feels really good. I'm going to take your advice and start being better to myself. I know that all of this ankle pain has worn me down big time. Thank you always for your love and support!
Ann - your words were like oars steadying my boat in the water. Thank you for all that you do on a daily basis for this forum.
Funkzter - thank you for your support. You know that I'm throwing it right back at cha. Keep on truckin.
Thank you again everyone. As I always say - it's a journey.
Rivka - your post brought tears to my eyes. I had convinced myself that I had become invisible to the world. I'm grateful that anything that I might have shared has helped anyone in any way. Any wisdom that each of us gains is certainly through the school of hard knocks. Knowing that it ever helps anyone makes the pain of the past that much less. I hope that you've been doing okay and moving on through your experience.
Mjpaao-confession is good for the soul. It helps to hear from people that have been there too. I haven't made it back to my home group yet but I will. I have confessed though and am looking at all that has led up to that moment. Nothing is an excuse to pick up but at the time it did seem like the best option. All we each have is today and boy - is that true for me today. Thanks for the support.
Hangin - I'm glad that you put your post exactly the way that you did. It was what I needed to hear. Slip, relapse, skid, splat.....it doesn't matter what you call it. Personally, I've long referred to a slip as a limited step off of the path vs. a full blown return to the lifestyle (which is what I think of as a relapse). I know that there are many that choose different definitions but, hey, that's okay with me. It helped to read your words. Your suggestion to look for some other meetings is actually good advice. The meeting that I usually go to has a smoking porch that you have to walk up to and through to get inside. For some reason, that walk up has always felt uncomfortable. I know that I am not the only one in my group that feels that way - it makes a number of people feel left out. I've been to a number of different meetings in my city so I have a lot of options. I love the double winners here - my codie is constantly in relapse mode!
I'mAlright - your words felt like a great big warm hug. Thank you so much for your quick reply to me. It felt like a life line.
Scorpio - I've heard "stick around for the miracle" more that I heard the might as well drink if you aren't happy. I have spent most of my time in sobriety not in a good place. After 2 1/2 years I guess that the latter saying got into my head big time. It's been building and I know that I didn't do what I needed to do. I have learned that it is very important to be careful about idle comments like that and will make sure that they don't come from me. I too hate to see the disease take hold and am glad that my so-journ served as more of a reminder of the bad stuff that happens than anything else. I needed a refresher course in hangovers. They definitely have not improved. The psychiatrist visit that I went to w/my husband was to the doctor's office. The doctor likes to meet with family members periodically to get an additional read on the situation. He is adjusting bi-polar meds for my husband and I was glad to hear his (the doctor's opinion) on things. I think that it is fairly common for psychiatrists to do that. My sister in law is a nurse practitioner in the psych field and she said that it is very helpful to have family input from time to time.
Frankly, your wise words began to bushwack through the jungle. Your words picked me up off of the ground and allowed me to start the walk forward again.
Greet - ahhhhhhhh. We've walked a lot of miles together here haven't we. I agree that no matter what 12 step program we work it all crosses over. Ironically, it was the alanony and codie issues that led me to down the wine. I'm heading to an alanon meeting in the morning and that feels really good. I'm going to take your advice and start being better to myself. I know that all of this ankle pain has worn me down big time. Thank you always for your love and support!
Ann - your words were like oars steadying my boat in the water. Thank you for all that you do on a daily basis for this forum.
Funkzter - thank you for your support. You know that I'm throwing it right back at cha. Keep on truckin.
Thank you again everyone. As I always say - it's a journey.
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