For Reddmax
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Join Date: Jan 2006
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For Reddmax
Originally Posted by Reddmax 
Its amazing and frustrating how someone else's addiction and behavior can suck the enjoyment right out of your life. There are so many things that I can't do, because the aggravation after you do it is so much greater than the pleasure you get from an activity. No microbrews, no naps, no movies, no beach time with your family, no socializing with friends. Your life, especially in a small town, becomes this grey ghost of what it once was. I know this sounds co-dependent, but its true... I don't go to the library because my A might destroy what I bring home. I don't get movies, because she'll pass out before we're done watching it, and won't remember even if she does stay up to the end. We don't go to movies, because it cuts into her drinking time.
Oh well, it won't change until something changes..
Redd
Oh well, it won't change until something changes..
Redd
Can you see the victim language in this post? "I can't," "I don't get to," "I don't because."
Redd, these are all choices you make. You can make different choices. You can go to the library. You can go to the beach. You can watch a movie. You can take your power back! Just because she ruins activities you do with her doesn't mean you have to stop doing the activities. It means you stop doing them with her.
I feel so sad for you when you describe your life as a grey ghost. It doesn't have to be. Live your life! Alcoholism is stealing your wife's life away from her. Don't let it steal yours, too!
L
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Thank you, LTD. I go places by myself and enjoy what I do. My AH no longer figures into the equation. I sincerely hope that Redd hears what you are saying in this post because it DOES work. And, no, nothing changes if nothing changes. And I found this to be true when I took my own matters into my own hands and changed them. Thanks again, LTD!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
This was one of biggest effects living with alcoholism had on my life. Before it, I had no problem taking myself anywhere, anytime (and this included the dating time of 4 years with xAH). Once I was living it 24/7, the slow change started. By the end I was using victim speak as a 2nd language.
For me, Al-Anon was the most helpful in this particular area.
For me, Al-Anon was the most helpful in this particular area.
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