HI Everyone LTNS
Fantastic Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
HI Everyone LTNS
Hi!
Missed you guys....life has been reallly busy. Th A moved back n about 2 months ago..............at first it was great......he is totally sober and is a devoted AA member...he does not drink ...but slowly I can see that ol personality come peeking through. He is still the same guy....in many ways. I guess I was expecting way toooooooooooooo much. I am not sure if I can handle this. He was great when we only saw each other socially...........this whole thing is stressful. Next month will be one year I kicked him out...hard to believe it.
I am really struggling with my adult kids they just hate him.....and honestly I don't know how I feel now that he is back... 10 months were really was peaceful.....but lonely too.
any suggestions>?
Love
Kitty
Missed you guys....life has been reallly busy. Th A moved back n about 2 months ago..............at first it was great......he is totally sober and is a devoted AA member...he does not drink ...but slowly I can see that ol personality come peeking through. He is still the same guy....in many ways. I guess I was expecting way toooooooooooooo much. I am not sure if I can handle this. He was great when we only saw each other socially...........this whole thing is stressful. Next month will be one year I kicked him out...hard to believe it.
I am really struggling with my adult kids they just hate him.....and honestly I don't know how I feel now that he is back... 10 months were really was peaceful.....but lonely too.
any suggestions>?
Love
Kitty
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
****{Kitty}}
It's sooo good to see you.
When our A's are using, we tend to blame all the bad behaviour and things we don't like about them on the substance. Often, when they get clean, we find the same problems are there. In many cases these personality problems were part of the underlying reason they drank/used in the first place.
Only you can decide what you want to live with Kitty. You sound disappointed in the direction your relationship is going, and you may have to work out which issued really matter to you and which ones just annoy you, and then decide what you want to do about it.
I don't know if you ever went to meetings, but I think they would help you a lot (and they are tons cheaper than a therapist). Learning to live for ourselves and to be happy, alone or with our A's, takes time and work, but in the end we receive a gift that will enrich our lives forever.
Sending hugs and prayers, Kitty, and hope things get a little better for you.
Hugs
Ann
It's sooo good to see you.
When our A's are using, we tend to blame all the bad behaviour and things we don't like about them on the substance. Often, when they get clean, we find the same problems are there. In many cases these personality problems were part of the underlying reason they drank/used in the first place.
Only you can decide what you want to live with Kitty. You sound disappointed in the direction your relationship is going, and you may have to work out which issued really matter to you and which ones just annoy you, and then decide what you want to do about it.
I don't know if you ever went to meetings, but I think they would help you a lot (and they are tons cheaper than a therapist). Learning to live for ourselves and to be happy, alone or with our A's, takes time and work, but in the end we receive a gift that will enrich our lives forever.
Sending hugs and prayers, Kitty, and hope things get a little better for you.
Hugs
Ann
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Good to see you Kitty,
In addition to what Ann said I want to say that your kids opinion really should wiegh in a whole lot...they are grown if I remember correctly. Your life and future is just that...yours.
Also...expectations are what Ann is taking about. Expectations can be the worst thing we do to outselves. They are almost always a direct path to disappontment and resentment. Being realistic and eliminating expectations allows us to see what is...and appreciate the good that is there. Then we can make a sane decision based on reality.
Hugs,
JT
In addition to what Ann said I want to say that your kids opinion really should wiegh in a whole lot...they are grown if I remember correctly. Your life and future is just that...yours.
Also...expectations are what Ann is taking about. Expectations can be the worst thing we do to outselves. They are almost always a direct path to disappontment and resentment. Being realistic and eliminating expectations allows us to see what is...and appreciate the good that is there. Then we can make a sane decision based on reality.
Hugs,
JT
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