I am so angry at her

Old 09-05-2008, 01:00 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3
I am so angry at her

My sister uses Meth and has now lost her children to the state ( which put them with us)

She seems to be doing NOTHING! She is not trying to get her children back yet she cries she misses them yet She is not trying to better her life . She refuses any help we try to give her and denies the abuse happened to her children ( IT HAPPENED!!) She is playing the victimi and whoa is me .


I love her so much but I am angry at her at the same time. I can't help her anylonger or even try to bc she pushes us away.So I've given up on helping her. Now I am just putting all my time in her children.

At this time I do not think she could be a good mom anytime soon. Which is very hard for me to admitt. Has anyone else delt with something like this? I LOVE my sister I just can't help her any longer.
aworriedsister is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 01:14 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I want to speak to you as a recovering meth addict (my drug of choice in the end), the ex-wife of a meth addict, and as the mother of two addicts, one of whom ended up in jail for 9 months after being busted for running sudafed into a meth lab.

I don't think I've ever seen such family destruction and despair as I have with meth over the past few years.

Meth depletes the dopamine in your brain, and the longer you use, the more damaged you become.

You become numb to the chaos in your life.

I am very blessed as my parents' prayers were answered, not in their time, but in God's time, and I have 18 years clean/sober now.

My ex-husband, on the other hand, was buried last year at age 47. He never found recovery.

My oldest has lost custody of her children. She lost them when she overdosed in front of them one day.

She's been in and out of jail numerous times over the years, is currently on probation for more charges, and thinks it's a joke.

She hasn't worked a real job in over 10 years.

The last time I went to see her in jail, she sat on the other side of the glass, smirking the entire 30 minutes, and told me quite distinctly she is not an addict.

I walked out of there with a sense of closure, knowing I have done everything possible as far as reaching out to her, and I turned her over to God 100%.

What I felt were the worst things that could happen in my life at the time-being married to an abusive meth addict, no longer being able to put the needle down myself, being beaten on a regular basis by the husband-were all blessings in disguise because that is exactly what it took for me to drop on my knees and hit bottom.

I understand your anger. To the normal person who can think logically and sanely, the actions of the addict are maddening!

I hope that you can find some peace of mind and have faith that God does have a plan for your sister, just as he does for each of us.
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 02:12 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3
Thank you for your post. I am just so upset. Upset because she has abused her children, Upset she is using, upset she is refusing help. She is throwing her life away I fear she will not wake up in time ( before she loses her children forever) On the hand I am terrfied of her children ever going back to her. She can not care for them and you can't undue all the years of abuse she has done in just a few months. I want to protect them and keep them with me where I know they are safe.

I can't believe that her children are not enough for her to stop using.
aworriedsister is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 04:18 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Freedom1990's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I understand the frustration, fear and sadness.

An addict will quit when the pain of using outweighs the fear of getting clean, and not any sooner.

You are so incredibly blessed to have those precious children with you.

I tried and tried to get custody of my granddaughter, and by the time my grandson came long 5 years later, I had given up.

Short of having wads of cash to toss a very good attorney, which I never had, no one would help me.

I will keep all of you in my prayers. :ghug2
Freedom1990 is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 06:19 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Virginia gal
Posts: 132
Dear Worriedsister, I know from where you come from. I am the parent of an AD. She abandoned her two children to me. Thank goodness. But she has been gone since May. Both children have survived what no child should have to live through. Because I have not been an A I do not understand how their brains work. I can only use my thoughts and my heart to NOT understand what they do. To leave your children is beyond my understanding, my brain will not wrap around that. But as has been said above we must leave it to our HP because we cannot stop what is happening. I can only do what He gives me the strength to do. Which is take care of these children the best I can. Let go and Let God!!!! Prayer for you and yours.
painter is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 08:26 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 3
I do feel so blessed to have the children . I love them so very very much and would do anything for them. I keep going back and forth at being angry at my sister and then sad then angry then sad . I do know I love her and I am just extremely sad about where she is heading or where she already is.
aworriedsister is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 10:28 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 6
I don't have any words of wisdom to share, but wanted to say I'm very sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad those children are with you. *hugs*
Luxx is offline  
Old 09-05-2008, 11:14 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by aworriedsister View Post
I keep going back and forth at being angry at my sister and then sad then angry then sad .
I recently did a lot of soul searching and reading on anger. The bottom line is that anger is rooted in pain. It's self defense because who in their right mind wants to feel pain? But we are feeling pain when we're angry, we're just externalizing instead of internalizing, which can lead to depression. Anger is being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Sooner or later we have to give into the pain or the anger will eat us alive. Then we have to fight our way out of the pain before it drags us into a bottomless pit. Like walking a tightrope, it's one heck of a balancing act getting to the other side.

The only way I know how to let go of anger is to reach deep down inside myself and find love, healing love. I pray for whomever has caused me that anger (pain). If I'm dropping into depression I reach inside myself and find self love; it holds me steady and leads me to self preservation.

My prayers are with you as you work your way through the pain.
Chino is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:51 PM.