thatguy7777777

Wife admitted cocaine dependancy. What's next? She claims to have turned the corner in a little over a week. looking for some one to talk to.

BayAreaPhoenix

Welcome ThatGuy! Have you read the stickies at the top of this forum? read around, and in the meantime tell us a little more of your situation - what does your wife mean she has turned the corner in a little over a week? What and how are you feeling?

hope213

glad you found us. we r here for you. welcome to S.R. my son is my addict & i know you can nothelp them. they have got to hit there bottom. the 3 c's are you did not CAUSE it, you can not CONTROL it & you can not CURE it. it is down hill untill she gets ready to stop. they are alot of caring people here going thru the same things u r. stick around, read around & stay with us. prayers

thatguy7777777

Started out thinking my wife was having an affair. She was comming and going a lot and things just didn't add up. Notice that she was stressed and grumpy most of the time. Not sleeping often. noticed her on the phone one night that she couldnt sleep. Checked her phone and found out what she was doing. When I confronted her she admitted that she was using and would stop. by the looks of the phone bills she's been using for at least six months. She claims that she was looking to tell me and now is releaved. She claims that she was using twice a week. The calls seem to indicate more. She claims be clean now for two weeks. She is strong willed and I believe she can kick this but i am not stupid enough to think it is that easy.

I want to trust but know i can not. I have threatened to leave her and take our 18 month daughter from her until she gets help. I know i cant solve this but I can make it worth her solving. Can a person using daily just stop, see the harm and turn the corner?

Our relationship was built on trust for my first marraige ended when my X had an afair. I feel that this is now not much different.

Ladybugg

I don't really think anyone here can tell you if she can just quit that easy. Maybe she really believes that she can. I think if you trust your instincts you will find the answers to your questions...which can be really hard when dealing with an addict. Addicts lie and manipulate and are very good at it. I think if you want to take your daughter away until she gets help because you feel her using is harming her (which I TOTALLY understand) then you should protect her form that. However if you are just doing it to try and make your wife stop and get help, be careful. Oh and welcome to SR!!

BayAreaPhoenix

You sound like you have good boundaries, or the ability to have boundaries that you are prepared to follow-thru with. That is the main thing. Also sounds like you are strong and clear enough to know what you know. Hold on to that strength, and keep doing anything to keep that strength!

I don't know about Coke. My AH tried to tell me that after 2 weeks "clean", with Dr. help, he was over it - but it wasn't true. He underestimated the disease that had him and still does, and he has not yet come to acknowledge why or how the addiction started, and so those issues are still with him and have now been compounded. His denial continues.

I think anything is possible. Some people are strong willed enough to do anything, but, IMO, this is not simply a matter of will-power. Keep your eyes open.

Serenity Bound

Welcome to SR. My AD is an addict, DOC Coke. (she's in rehab right now) she has a 6 mo old & a 6 yr old....been using off & on for years. As said above, we didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. The addict usually needs to reach their bottom (not ours) b/4 they can trully turn the corner.

SR is a great place to be, and I hope that you will also consider going to naranon/alanon meetings (for you) you will meet others who have or are going thru the same things.

"One day at a Time"
Chris

TTOSBT

Welcome thatguy!
I will let the others offer their experience, strength and hope on this one. I am a meth addict (clean 14 years) and an alcoholic (clean 4 months) and I wish I could have just seen that it was not a way to live and turn around. Unfortunately for me, I needed to want to be sober just as much as I used to want to escape and check out. I needed the support of a program (today that program is AA) and I needed the support of those who knew what I was going through and had gone before me.

I hope that she is able to stay clean for your family. All I can say is that maybe you can let her know that there is support and help out there for her if she wants and needs it.

hello-kitty

Hi there. Recovery from cocaine addiction is about people places and things. (I am a recovering coke/crack addict.) In order to quit an addict must eliminate all contact with the people you used with, the places you used, and the things that can trigger cravings. Easier said than done, trust me on that. Recovery from cocaine addiction IS NOT about willpower. Willpower goes out the window once cravings hit. It's about learning the tools you need to stay off the drug, and applying them. It's a life long commitment to dealing with life on lifes terms, and not using drugs to do it.

If she is truly willing to quit, I'd recommend looking into NA or treatment. Recovering addicts must have the support and experience of other recovering addicts. There is no easier way.

In the meantime, what YOU can do is focus on learning how not to enable her. Never forget that you didn't cause her addiction, you can't control her addiction and you can't cure her addiction.

It's a tough road. But there are many wise people on this site that will support you in your journey so keep reading and posting. Only time will tell with your wife...

Hangin' In

Welcome. So glad you've found this site. There is great support here and lots of people who understand what you are feeling and going through. We're all here because of some kind of disease of addiction in our lives, so you are with like kind.

I agree with hello kitty. You can't change her. Only she can do that. And you can't make her get to the place of wanting recovery any faster. Her recovery is on her time table. And I agree, she will need help. No one I know has done it alone.

As far as you are concerned, you can help yourself. I'd recommend finding some Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings in your area and start attending. They really do help the loved one of the addict figure out where they fit into this disease of addiction. I'd also recommend attending some open AA or NA meetings where you can hear and see what true recovery on that side of the fence looks like. It really does help to educate yourself.

I hope you'll stick around and keep reading here and posting. There is lots of experience, strength and hope here.

Hugs,
Hangin' In

wooforever

Are you willing to live her? YOu can say yes I am going take your child away from her but that is just a threat not a promise. I am also a recovering addict DOC: Meth and coke. Funny thing is yes I decided I no longer wanted to use the drugs and I did them for over 10 years and just decided no more and that was the end of the drugs.

I also was married to a drug addict and he is still using to this day. I am no longer married to him because of the drug use. All addicts say they are clean. She as been using for 6 months and you never knew, then what is to say that she has not been using longer. I would look into a rehab for her, if she is willing to quit on her own then rehab will help her.

Good luck in the future it is a long and winding road to recovery. It is not going to easy, so I wish you the best.

PS I still have the cravings to do the drugs, but since I gave up my old life and everyone in it I just let the those feelings go away.

thatguy7777777

thank you all. I will stick a round to learn what I can. I will stand by my wife as long as she is honest to me and working to help herself. I hope that her hitting rock bottom does not include me turning my back. I think right now my greatest challenge is dealing with the fact the she lied to me. She was with out a doubt my best friend and trusted soul. She needs to take the next step and i need to find peace and direction with this wrinkle in our lives. Thanks again. I'll hear any advise that is offered.