stopped going to meetings

Old 09-03-2008, 04:52 PM
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stopped going to meetings

My AH came over to see me in New Zealand after being in rehab and then recovery for a few months. Things were going really well but now he has started to not go to meetings and making excuses for it. First it was because his GPS got stolen and he doesnt like reading maps so doesnt know where he is going. Now it seems he doesnt like the people at the meetings in New Zealand. And of course he doesnt want me asking him about his recovery. I am getting frustrated and of course you cant control them and tell them what to do.

He was meant to be staying on so he is waiting on getting a work permit but now he thinks he should go back to the States and work there as he can make more money and then come back here in a few months time. I dont really know what to make of this all.

Any ideas?
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Old 09-03-2008, 06:38 PM
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A Flacid Excuse

Ma'am,

That is a very weak excuse and you should call him on it... something you will hear in AA a lot is that sobriety absolutely has to be the number 1 priority in an A's life because without it they lose everything else... If going to meetings is essential for someone then they will get there come hell or high water, so making an excuse like 'I don't like reading the map' does not hold water... put another way, ask your A if, when he was drinking, and he needed to make it to the bottle shop before closing in a city he was unfamiliar with, if he would let the same excuse prevent him from getting his grog... I think you get the idea.
I know that the recovery community in NZ is a little less visible than in the US, but there are still plenty more meetings in NZ than there are in other parts of the world where people nonetheless get sober and stay sober. I personally know several Kiwis who live in the US who got sober in NZ and are leading plenty fulfilling lives now...
Hope that word of advice helps
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:48 PM
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thanks for that. I even went and bought him a new GPS but surprise surprise he still hasnt been to a meeting. he is too tired and often not feeling well and doesnt want to go out.

Great to have clarity. thanks
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Old 09-04-2008, 02:37 AM
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Hi Jen,

Regarding your husband, it's a shame he doesn't go to meetings but i won't be too alarm with it because at the end of the day if he relapses or not is up to him, meetings or not.
Meetings help to stay focus on recovery, for sure, but i've heard it doesn't work for everyone (or is it excuses i heard? ;P)

Regarding him going back to the States, not sure what to say as i don't know all your story... It might be true that he can make more money in US but i think, since he is in recovery, it might be better he stays in NZ with you and stay clear of temptation (don't know where he used..)

Take care
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Old 09-04-2008, 04:10 PM
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thanks for your post. I think these things were excuses and America is also a place where he can get drugs. He doesnt have any contacts here so it is not really an option. I called him in all his excuses and told him that he had come so far and why blow it all and to get to a meeting. He didnt like that much but he ended up going to a meeting last night. I try not to control him and tell him what to do but I cant be a fool either and believe his nonesense. He has to work a programme wherever in the world he is living.

Thanks for the support
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Old 09-04-2008, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by jen960 View Post
He has to work a programme wherever in the world he is living.
Could you clarify what you meant by he has to work a program, regardless of where he is?
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Old 09-04-2008, 06:29 PM
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What I meant by that was that my AH has to work his program whether he is in the USA or NZ. He was saying that he didnt like the meetings here in NZ but he liked the meetings in the USA so that was why he wasnt going to the meetings.

If he doesnt work his program we dont have a future.
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