Abundance

Hey Hey! Got back yesterday from my "gorge"ous time at the Gorge! It was there that I consciously worked my mind in not thinking too much about everything. I would catch myself thinking too much and wanting to send my guy streaming text messages of my thoughts...... but I drafted them instead. It was then that I realized just how blinking bipolar emotionally I am with this relationship. I can literally go from being happy to sad to angry to nervous to joyful to serene ... cross the board..... over a course of a day.
And what I remind myself is by asking myself this: "Why????? Why do I give so much power to this addiction/relationship?" And I go to answer it... and I can't..... it just irritates me that I do. So it irritates me enough to the point, that I STOP IT!

My dog of nearly 15 years.... my companion (esp. before the boys were born)... passed away on Sunday. I was on the phone with my guy when he found her. He and some friends took her to be buried that day. I'm so glad that she passed when I was not there to see her go. I *knew* somehow that she would do that. So... coming home yesterday and telling the boys - was very emotional. We all went out to the grave site and said our blessings.

My guy pee tested clean yesterday too. So that was good....... but the weekend here going through it on his own... was difficult for him. I'm sure no one wishes it more than him- that it was as easy as just not picking up..... but it's not. I think it's finally sinking in to him that he does have the disease of addiction.

I get to go back out this weekend with some friends for another triple night stand of DMB - now in Berkeley! It's total and complete self-indulgence..... I do feel guilty but at the same time..... D@mn..... I need this!

PS...... I'm not giving power to addiction........ NOPE! NADA! (well for today I'm not!)

Impurrfect

(((Abundance)))

So sorry about your dog. It's hard to lose a part of your family, even the ones with 4 legs and fur.

Good for you on the self-indulgence

You're making good progress, even if you don't see it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Abundance

aaaaaaaw Amy thank you

Abundance

Here is where I was a few hours a night for 3 nights And then camping and going to the river in the day!
*my seats were 4th row, 29th row, and 14th row! DMB MEGA fan!!!!! hahahaha! VIP one night before the show too! PRETTY COOL TIME!
Anvil- this should bring back memories

Abundance

Sylvie passed away on Sunday while I was at the Gorge. She was just a few weeks shy of turning 15 years old. She was my companion (esp. before kids). I got Sylvie when she was 6 weeks old and I was 20 years old. She was my traveling buddy when I'd go out of town for work, we have driven through several states together, stayed in many hotel rooms, (bk - she shared my bed), she was SO smart, she LOVED food, she never really thought she was a dog! She had a one year birthday party and graduated top of her puppy training class!

She died in her sleep - she went when it was her time. She knew to do it so I didn't have to see it. These past couple of years have been trying as she was sick and incontinent.

I knew the boys would be 8 and 10 when they experienced her death. I knew she would go on her own. She had THE best weekend before she passed. Ate from the pantry - stayed inside- was brushed - given tons of love and attention! She fell asleep on the kitchen floor and Gigi was next to her.

We took the boys to say goodbye at the burial site in the foothills. My youngest was emotional and said some beautiful things. My oldest was stoic and questioning himself as to why he doesn't cry in death. We listened to the Grateful Dead and smiled at times through tears.

Gigi (other dog) doesn't know quite what to do with herself. She is lounging in odd places around the house. (places she never has before). She is antsy as well.

Thanks for reading xoxo

Impurrfect

awww, what a beautiful dog!

I'm glad she had a great last weekend, and was surrounded by love.

BBD

Abundance~~Glad you had a great time at the Gorge but so sorry to hear about your dog. Its so hard to loose a pet....took me weeks before I was Ok with loosing my 16 year old cat~~ hugs~~~

Stellargirl

Given all that you are going through, I am amazed at your strength. Sylvie is just adorable, be kind to yourself as losing a pet is a very difficult thing to come to terms with and grief is understandable. Given yourself time to heal.
I'm so happy to hear you are still doing what you love, going to shows! You totally deserve it, mama! And not only is it good for you to focus on you but its totally fun too!
I love that you wrote that. Oh, and thank god for text msg. drafting, surely has helped me from sending some regretful, stupid texts.
YaYe, for the good things you are doing, I'm proud of you. Keep trusting yourself and following your intuition.
cheerio-
stellargirl

PS Thanks for posting those pics, I'm a real visual person and that made me feel really connected to ya! Peace out, Sister!

Chino

I'm sorry you lost your buddy. My furry friend has provided me moments of joy when I thought there were none.

Keep on rockin' lady, one day at a time

JMFburns

((Abundance))

I'm so sorry to hear about your dog passing away. Sending hugs and support for you and your family. I'm glad you've had the chance to have wonderful moments all to yourself around this same time so that it will be a good memory. Your dog sounds like it was well loved and cared for.

hope213

sorry about your dog. they become like our children but they listen better. i know u will miss it. hugs,

beegee

Abundance,
My posts seem to vanish here sometimes. I am so sorry to hear about your loyal, loving dog. She was really so cute! I think it was nice she shared a good week end with you. (((HUGS)))