My Mom Needs Help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: DC Metro Area
Posts: 1
My Mom Needs Help
Hello Everyone!
I have come here, in an attempt to seek advice from those who have possibly witnessed what I have my entire life.
My mom has been a drug addict and alcoholic my entire life (I am 25). I was not aware of her problem when I was younger, but now that it is in the forefront of my life, it is hard not to notice the signs now. I will not waste anytime explaining past experiences or signs, as what is occurring right now needs to be addressed and I hope someone can help me determine what to do.
My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer earlier this year. She is single and lives with my grandmother now. She has been depressed her entire life, on and off anti-depressants. The problem at hand is her irresponsibility and stealing habits from my grandmother. To be precise, she has stolen over $20,000 in two months. She was caught and denied what she used the money for, although I have proof it was on drugs. My grandmother does not know for sure she did it, but the rest of us in the family do know she did it.
How do we confront her? Because she is sick and everything, it is making things really hard. She is doing well, the doctors say she is a walking miracle. But, what she is doing to my grandmother is not right. Please help! She has no where else to live or go and I don't know how we can help her, if we don't have the resources to do so. The true dilemma is how to approach her with the truth and show her we all know she is a liar and not to be trusted. I know you cannot force someone to get help, but some resources that might be free for her would help.
I have come here, in an attempt to seek advice from those who have possibly witnessed what I have my entire life.
My mom has been a drug addict and alcoholic my entire life (I am 25). I was not aware of her problem when I was younger, but now that it is in the forefront of my life, it is hard not to notice the signs now. I will not waste anytime explaining past experiences or signs, as what is occurring right now needs to be addressed and I hope someone can help me determine what to do.
My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer earlier this year. She is single and lives with my grandmother now. She has been depressed her entire life, on and off anti-depressants. The problem at hand is her irresponsibility and stealing habits from my grandmother. To be precise, she has stolen over $20,000 in two months. She was caught and denied what she used the money for, although I have proof it was on drugs. My grandmother does not know for sure she did it, but the rest of us in the family do know she did it.
How do we confront her? Because she is sick and everything, it is making things really hard. She is doing well, the doctors say she is a walking miracle. But, what she is doing to my grandmother is not right. Please help! She has no where else to live or go and I don't know how we can help her, if we don't have the resources to do so. The true dilemma is how to approach her with the truth and show her we all know she is a liar and not to be trusted. I know you cannot force someone to get help, but some resources that might be free for her would help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR!!!
Wow, you have a lot to deal with.
I'm not sure about resources in your area, but I know Salvation Army has a good program and you can get it for free.
Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help, it will not do any good.
I'm a recovering addict, and the only way I sought recovery was to hit bottom, which meant facing consequences of my actions.
I know you say she has nowhere to go, but we addicts are very resourceful. The best thing for her would be for your grandmother and the rest of the family to not enable her. As long as she is "getting away" with what she's doing, she will continue to do it.
You can confront her, but she will most likely deny everything. We addicts can be caught red-handed and still deny it.
I know it's even harder, since she has cancer, but she will use that as an excuse to get sympathy. It IS a legitimate concern, but it is not an excuse to take advantage of anyone.
I highly recommend al-anon or nar-anon meetings for you and your family, especially your grandmother. They can help you set boundaries, which are basically saying what you will and won't tolerate from her.
Addiction is a family disease, and you will get dragged down with her if you allow it.
There are a lot of good "stickies" here (the threads at the top of the forum) and if you read the posts, you will realize you are not alone. There are some wonderful and supportive people here.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Wow, you have a lot to deal with.
I'm not sure about resources in your area, but I know Salvation Army has a good program and you can get it for free.
Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help, it will not do any good.
I'm a recovering addict, and the only way I sought recovery was to hit bottom, which meant facing consequences of my actions.
I know you say she has nowhere to go, but we addicts are very resourceful. The best thing for her would be for your grandmother and the rest of the family to not enable her. As long as she is "getting away" with what she's doing, she will continue to do it.
You can confront her, but she will most likely deny everything. We addicts can be caught red-handed and still deny it.
I know it's even harder, since she has cancer, but she will use that as an excuse to get sympathy. It IS a legitimate concern, but it is not an excuse to take advantage of anyone.
I highly recommend al-anon or nar-anon meetings for you and your family, especially your grandmother. They can help you set boundaries, which are basically saying what you will and won't tolerate from her.
Addiction is a family disease, and you will get dragged down with her if you allow it.
There are a lot of good "stickies" here (the threads at the top of the forum) and if you read the posts, you will realize you are not alone. There are some wonderful and supportive people here.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
You have so much to deal with. You mother will probably deny the theft even caught red handed. All part of the addiction the lies, the thieving, and the manipulation. I honestly believe they tell so many lies they almost believe it to be the truth. You are right what she is doing to your grandmother is terribly wrong. Remember it is the drug that makes your mother behave this way. You and your family need to confront your mother, even though she will be in denial, she will be aware that you all know what she has been doing. It probably won't stop her addicts are extrememly resourceful. I'm sorry your mother has been ill, but that is no excuse for stealing from someone. There are so many knowledgeable people here on this site, people that understand please keep coming back. Naranon is also a wonderful support for you and your family. I know you love your mother, but I also know they must want the help first.
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