BarstoolBlues

I'm an alcoholic...I can no longer deny it. I know I am, but in the end what does it all mean? we all have our dependancie's...but what does it all matter? It's all the underlining motives. I have OCD, social anxiety among other things...but I look around this world and all I see is garbage...I see scum. I have this rage inside me thats building and i'm becoming more and more unable too...and really unable to keep in check. I'm not a bad person...it's the garbage in this world that has distresed me those child molesters, murders, wife beaters, ******* scum...I just want to kill them. Maybe my alcoholism only fuels it...as I know it fuels my rage and maybe brings it on, but you can only keep so much inside. I just feel myself uncoiling like a unruly rope...more and more things are becoming out my hands...like my drinking...come a certain time I just can't...can't not drink. Yet AA is not for me, ******* cult that it is. Preach this and that preach GOD...god lol, there is no god. I ask everynight to not wake up yet here I am? Maybe "god" is telling me something? telling me more hten I know. Who really konws?

bostonluv

Welcome. Maybe try not drinking for a week and see if things look better. Alcohol can distort the way we view things...just a thought. Hope you'll stick around and look at some posts on how abstaining from alcohol has changed people's lives/outlook for the better.

Wishing you the best,
Kathleen

BarstoolBlues

To try and to accomplish are two very different things.

Aysha

Trying is a good start.

Jig

Hello and welcome.

Like you I have struggled with hatered and rage in my life. I have questioned the validity of existance and searched in vain for meaning in my life.

I still struggle with these things to some extent but removing alcohol from my life has given me a very different perspective. We all have to find our own truth, we all have to follow our own path. For me, to live without alcohol is the hardest thing I have ever had to face. It is also the only thing that has given me any hope of finding a life worth living. It has given me the capacity to begin to find love and peace in my life.

I hope you find support and strength here, I know that I have.


Jig.