I Feel Lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OKLAHOMA CITY OKLA
Posts: 43
I Feel Lost
I have been with my b/f for 2 years. He is 62 I am 46. He is a horrible alochlic he is a binge drinker.
Yes I love him but I hate the other person he becomes when he drinks he complety changes. He calls me horrible foul names I would not even mention on here.
I just do not respond. We have gone back and froth at least 5 times.
This last time I moved and I let him come stay with me the rule was no liquor in my home he was doing great we were happy but in the back of my mind I knew it was bound to happen.
I was sitting at my computer and he came in and his voice sounded funny I knew right then I said have you been drinking he said no of course he lies then I staeted finding whiskey bottles. He was ranting and raving about what I have no idea I told him to get out he would not leave I meant what I said this was it no more. Finally my stepfather and brother came and got him out of my apt and took him to a motel. He shows up at my place the next day I gave him his belongins and said go leave. I had to call the police . The police said he says he has a place to go he has no where at all to go but they did not believe me. He shows up again he gets taken to detox. Detox calls me and asks me to pick him up the next day I said no I have had it.
Well they called me back and said they had transferred him to the mental ward at the VA hospital because he was acting strange.
They let him loose the next day he shows up again at my home late that night drunk he goes to jail this time. He gets out the next day and comes back I let him in for a moment to cool off since he had walked and I refused to pick him up he was not drunk he comes out of my bathroom and acts totally differnt. I went to my bathroom and he had drank all my mouthwash!!!
I said Tom my God have you sunk this low. I was horrifed. We were driving one day and saw some men sitting around drinking mouthwash and I said how sad and Tom said yes that is stooping really low. Well he did it. I got him out of my place he left oh by the way he did have a nice truck but lost it got impounded which I think is best he does not need to be driving. Well here he comes again pounding on my door telling me I better let him in I kept calling the police everytime they got here he would vanish. I called the fifth time the officer said I just went back to my car now where is he. I am bipolar but no one woulf ever know if they met me. So the officer says I have to ask you a personal question I said what he said do you have a history of mental illness I was shocked. I said why are you asking? He said I just have to ask in situations like this. I said you do not believe me!!! I was very calm I was scared of course but I was not screaming or yelling or acting like a nut.
The officer had 3 more patrol cars come out. They could not find him it was like he was vanishing into thin air. Well they finally caught him hiding in some bushes.
They came and told me it was a differnt officer I broke down crying and I said do you believe me now? I said I was not calling you out just for the fun of it he kept on saying he was very sorry for the comment he made. Then the other officer came and said he was so sorry. I was polite but I have never felt so humilited in my life. But anyway he went to jail again.
He has two nephews and one uncle they will not take him in.
I felt sick with guilt but I just could not take the binges anymore and I meant what I had told him if you stay with me fine if you want to go on a binge leave and come back when your bing is over and you are sober it did not work that way.
My brother has a shop where he works on cars and he lets tom stay there and in back there is a small RV he sleeps in.
I do go check on him from time to time he called one day and he was so hungary and I took him some food and some of his clothes and personal hygine products.
I have begged cried pleaded hid whiskey bottles nothing works.
Then I thought why am I hiding whiskey bottles he is a grown man.
He can get free treatment at the VA he will go away for 6 months I told him I will support his descison I will stand by him if he will go.
Plus it is all free since he is a veteran. I have tried to talk to him a couple of times but he says we will see. I miss the sober man he is a good kind man but the drunk man is horrible just horrible. He has never raised a hand to me but I just got sick of every hoilday he spoiled never failed he would embarass
me. I was getting sick when he would go on his binges I felt like I was going crazy. But I have such a deep deep sadness in me. At times I feel such relief he is gone and then at times I cry from missing him. I have tried everything to try and get him help now I just pray a lot. I feel so awful calling the police having him thrown in jail not picking him up him walking in this heat was I wrong? He gets a check each month and he paid me for the food and the stuff I got him he is living in a dump but at least my brother was kind enough to let him stay in his shop or out back in the small RV.
His parnets were both alcholics and all his brothers were also one brother killed himself. I fear Tom will end up dying from drinking himself to death.
I know he has a horrible disease it must be pure hell. I just needed to write this I am so so depressed. I feel love and hate at times. I am bipolar and I checked myself into the hospital because I knew I needed help this was four years ago and I am doing very well because I do what I have to do to stay well. But to be honest this last time I thought I was going to end up in the hospital because of him. Why he wants to hurt me when he is drunk I do not know why. He will go on and on and on with calling me vile ugly names and I just ignore him when he would do this. Then when he would be sober he would not remember or not want to talk about it.
Are my feeling normal? Did I do the right thing? Yes I still love him but I am not going to live the rest of my life being miserable and having to worry when will the next binge be.
I feel like I lost a little piece of myself. If he would go for his treatment I would be there for him but it looks very slim that this will happen.
I have always been drawn to men who drink why I have no idea I like to drink every once in a while but I know when to stop.
Right now even meeting a man I have no intrest in at all. And if ever I do again I will make sure he does not drink.
Thank you for listening
Kelli.....
Yes I love him but I hate the other person he becomes when he drinks he complety changes. He calls me horrible foul names I would not even mention on here.
I just do not respond. We have gone back and froth at least 5 times.
This last time I moved and I let him come stay with me the rule was no liquor in my home he was doing great we were happy but in the back of my mind I knew it was bound to happen.
I was sitting at my computer and he came in and his voice sounded funny I knew right then I said have you been drinking he said no of course he lies then I staeted finding whiskey bottles. He was ranting and raving about what I have no idea I told him to get out he would not leave I meant what I said this was it no more. Finally my stepfather and brother came and got him out of my apt and took him to a motel. He shows up at my place the next day I gave him his belongins and said go leave. I had to call the police . The police said he says he has a place to go he has no where at all to go but they did not believe me. He shows up again he gets taken to detox. Detox calls me and asks me to pick him up the next day I said no I have had it.
Well they called me back and said they had transferred him to the mental ward at the VA hospital because he was acting strange.
They let him loose the next day he shows up again at my home late that night drunk he goes to jail this time. He gets out the next day and comes back I let him in for a moment to cool off since he had walked and I refused to pick him up he was not drunk he comes out of my bathroom and acts totally differnt. I went to my bathroom and he had drank all my mouthwash!!!
I said Tom my God have you sunk this low. I was horrifed. We were driving one day and saw some men sitting around drinking mouthwash and I said how sad and Tom said yes that is stooping really low. Well he did it. I got him out of my place he left oh by the way he did have a nice truck but lost it got impounded which I think is best he does not need to be driving. Well here he comes again pounding on my door telling me I better let him in I kept calling the police everytime they got here he would vanish. I called the fifth time the officer said I just went back to my car now where is he. I am bipolar but no one woulf ever know if they met me. So the officer says I have to ask you a personal question I said what he said do you have a history of mental illness I was shocked. I said why are you asking? He said I just have to ask in situations like this. I said you do not believe me!!! I was very calm I was scared of course but I was not screaming or yelling or acting like a nut.
The officer had 3 more patrol cars come out. They could not find him it was like he was vanishing into thin air. Well they finally caught him hiding in some bushes.
They came and told me it was a differnt officer I broke down crying and I said do you believe me now? I said I was not calling you out just for the fun of it he kept on saying he was very sorry for the comment he made. Then the other officer came and said he was so sorry. I was polite but I have never felt so humilited in my life. But anyway he went to jail again.
He has two nephews and one uncle they will not take him in.
I felt sick with guilt but I just could not take the binges anymore and I meant what I had told him if you stay with me fine if you want to go on a binge leave and come back when your bing is over and you are sober it did not work that way.
My brother has a shop where he works on cars and he lets tom stay there and in back there is a small RV he sleeps in.
I do go check on him from time to time he called one day and he was so hungary and I took him some food and some of his clothes and personal hygine products.
I have begged cried pleaded hid whiskey bottles nothing works.
Then I thought why am I hiding whiskey bottles he is a grown man.
He can get free treatment at the VA he will go away for 6 months I told him I will support his descison I will stand by him if he will go.
Plus it is all free since he is a veteran. I have tried to talk to him a couple of times but he says we will see. I miss the sober man he is a good kind man but the drunk man is horrible just horrible. He has never raised a hand to me but I just got sick of every hoilday he spoiled never failed he would embarass
me. I was getting sick when he would go on his binges I felt like I was going crazy. But I have such a deep deep sadness in me. At times I feel such relief he is gone and then at times I cry from missing him. I have tried everything to try and get him help now I just pray a lot. I feel so awful calling the police having him thrown in jail not picking him up him walking in this heat was I wrong? He gets a check each month and he paid me for the food and the stuff I got him he is living in a dump but at least my brother was kind enough to let him stay in his shop or out back in the small RV.
His parnets were both alcholics and all his brothers were also one brother killed himself. I fear Tom will end up dying from drinking himself to death.
I know he has a horrible disease it must be pure hell. I just needed to write this I am so so depressed. I feel love and hate at times. I am bipolar and I checked myself into the hospital because I knew I needed help this was four years ago and I am doing very well because I do what I have to do to stay well. But to be honest this last time I thought I was going to end up in the hospital because of him. Why he wants to hurt me when he is drunk I do not know why. He will go on and on and on with calling me vile ugly names and I just ignore him when he would do this. Then when he would be sober he would not remember or not want to talk about it.
Are my feeling normal? Did I do the right thing? Yes I still love him but I am not going to live the rest of my life being miserable and having to worry when will the next binge be.
I feel like I lost a little piece of myself. If he would go for his treatment I would be there for him but it looks very slim that this will happen.
I have always been drawn to men who drink why I have no idea I like to drink every once in a while but I know when to stop.
Right now even meeting a man I have no intrest in at all. And if ever I do again I will make sure he does not drink.
Thank you for listening
Kelli.....
tyler50
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: toronto, ontario
Posts: 11
Thank you for sharing. Sometimes we support our partners even though they are bad for us. We have to let go. Our self respect should mean something. There is deep sadness in all of us, but tomorrow is a new day and we should grasp this and move on. Keep up the good fight
When Pigs Fly
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: california
Posts: 894
Many times my husband would make me feel like I was the 'Crazy" one,Because I suffer from PMS and get very depressed and suicidal around my cycle, so one day I was going to kill myself but instead I saw a Dr. and got help and the right medication, I think my husband liked to use that against me, made me "feel" crazy. That said, I think you did the right thing by asking him to leave and that you no longer would be part of his life. Kicking my husband out of the home was the hardest thing I have ever done, I was Lost, sad and had no idea what I was going to do. But it has been over two years now and I'm okay.. And you will be too. The hardest thing to do is not look back. I'm glas you found us and you will get alot of help here. Good luck and stick around.
Kermmie
Kermmie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Did the police ever suggest you get a restraining order so your bf would be immediately arrested if he came withing 100 feet of you? His showing up uninvited at your doorstep so many times sounds to me like harassment. There are laws that protect you from this.
It's his addiction. He has to want to get better. No amount of pleading or begging is going to make him get sober. It's up to him.
I was married to a man who called me vile names. The name-calling escalated to physical violence. I was a battered spouse. I took it for almost five years. Then I had the police haul him out of the house so I could move my stuff in peace. I also carried a restraining order with me 24/7.
The verbal abuse you are describing could very well escalate. Again, I would suggest you look into getting a restraining order. You deserve to be SAFE.
It's his addiction. He has to want to get better. No amount of pleading or begging is going to make him get sober. It's up to him.
I was married to a man who called me vile names. The name-calling escalated to physical violence. I was a battered spouse. I took it for almost five years. Then I had the police haul him out of the house so I could move my stuff in peace. I also carried a restraining order with me 24/7.
The verbal abuse you are describing could very well escalate. Again, I would suggest you look into getting a restraining order. You deserve to be SAFE.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: OKLAHOMA CITY OKLA
Posts: 43
Thank to all of you.
I am still going through days of feeling peace and feeling sadness.
He has hit rock bottom living like a bum lost his truck everything. I still talk to him every once in a while his health is not the best and I asked him if he would go to a six month treatment center for me and himself and he will not discuss it.
I can tell he is drinking by his voice he is not angry I think he is happy in a way where he can drink all day without me causing a stir about it.
I have talked to my manager at my apt he is banned from the premises here and if he shows uo I just call security and he will go to jail because there is a police officer that works here. I kept going back going back but this time I meant what I said and went tru with it.
I did not feel good in the least sending him to jail twice and to detox. The thing is he never got mad when I had him arrested why I do not know. I will not ask him to go to rehab anymore I am tired of asking. Why so some acholics turn so mean when they drink and when sober be the nicest people in the world"?
I am not lonley but I miss what we had the good part but I feel peace also.
My emotions are all over the place.
I cannot stand the smell of liqor anymore I guess that happens when you are around it fot to long. Thanks for letting me talk where others understand.
Bless you all
Kelli...
I am still going through days of feeling peace and feeling sadness.
He has hit rock bottom living like a bum lost his truck everything. I still talk to him every once in a while his health is not the best and I asked him if he would go to a six month treatment center for me and himself and he will not discuss it.
I can tell he is drinking by his voice he is not angry I think he is happy in a way where he can drink all day without me causing a stir about it.
I have talked to my manager at my apt he is banned from the premises here and if he shows uo I just call security and he will go to jail because there is a police officer that works here. I kept going back going back but this time I meant what I said and went tru with it.
I did not feel good in the least sending him to jail twice and to detox. The thing is he never got mad when I had him arrested why I do not know. I will not ask him to go to rehab anymore I am tired of asking. Why so some acholics turn so mean when they drink and when sober be the nicest people in the world"?
I am not lonley but I miss what we had the good part but I feel peace also.
My emotions are all over the place.
I cannot stand the smell of liqor anymore I guess that happens when you are around it fot to long. Thanks for letting me talk where others understand.
Bless you all
Kelli...
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