Aysha

The past 2 weeks have been horrible.
I feel like crap. No energy. I have been miserable. Being a douchbag to soem people. People I care about for no reason.
I dont even feel like laying in bed. Watching tv. Tried taking the baby cousin for a walk today and just got disgusted and came home.
I dont know what is wrong with me.

I am not thinking about getting high. I am not craving.
But I know I hear alot of people say a relapse starts way before actually doing it.
Is this what its like?

I dont want to get fed up with these feelings and say F it all.

I can not go back out there. If I screw up again. I dont know how I will take it.

I got alot of stress in my head. My back pain is getting tiresome. Wondering when this job is going to tell me they have to let me go because of the background check.
I got so mch swirling around up there.

I cant get anywhere further than walkign distance with no car.

It is getting to be a task to find a ride to work now.

I just feel like a big ole miserable pile of $hit right now.

Its been like 2 weeks..How long is this going to last?

I am trying to snap out of it. Everyday I try. It is not working.

:wtf2

Dee74

I don;t think you're heading for a relapse Trish. You're in early recovery - mood swings tiredness, irritability come with the territory. If it was easy we wouldn't need help.

If you let this get to you tho, and make it into a case of the eff its? might be a problem.

Don't sweat it - early recov sucks a bit but you can manage

D

CarolD

Meetings are a good way to stay moving forward for me.

kj3880

Yeah, I had a couple weeks like that recently. Hate to say it, but I had to get my depression medication adjusted. Turned out I was clinically depressed (again). Have you ever been evaluated for that? 2 weeks of being down prolly wouldn't classify you, but if it keeps up, maybe get checked out. I feel much better now that my meds are correct, and I never abuse them or get high in any way off of them. I just...feel more like me...with enough energy and positivity to exist.
KJ

scorpiogirl

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiynita

The past 2 weeks have been horrible.
I feel like crap. No energy. I have been miserable. I dont know what is wrong with me. I can not go back out there.

You don't have to go back out. Ride it out. It's easier to stay sober than to get sober (again). There's nothing wrong with you other than you're new to sobriety and your body is healing and still detoxing. I promise you, it won't stay this way. What does your sponsor tell you? If it stayed like this, none of us would still be here! It does get easier; it really does. Trust the process, little one. You've got about 2 1/2 months of sobriety - give yourself a real chance here. Coming up on 3 months is another milestone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chiynita

I got alot of stress in my head. My back pain is getting tiresome. Wondering when this job is going to tell me they have to let me go because of the background check.
I got so mch swirling around up there.
I cant get anywhere further than walkign distance with no car.
It is getting to be a task to find a ride to work now.
I just feel like a big ole miserable pile of $hit right now.
Its been like 2 weeks..How long is this going to last?
I am trying to snap out of it. Everyday I try. It is not working.

Whew! What a list. Keep it simple, girlfriend. Take one thing at a time and try not to do so much negative talk. Don't focus on them doing a backgorund check; just show up and do your job. Get out a journal and write down all the crappy feelings you're feeling. This stuff needs to come up and out of your body. Just think how much more harder it would be (getting a ride, etc), if you used again. You might not have the job to go to!

Be gentle on yourself - - you've been through alot when out there. Let your mind & body recover.

**{hugs}}

Anna

I also think that mood-swings are part of early recovery.

It sounds to me like you feel you're in a position of waiting for something to happen. Your back is bothering you a lot, so what can you do about that? You can go to the dr, try exercising, yoga or anything you can do to help your back get stronger. You're afraid that your job will fire you, so maybe you can be proactive. How about talking to your boss and if they like your work and you're honest, maybe they'll keep you on. Or, you could look for another job or go back to school. You do have choices, Trish and it will make you feel better to be proactive.

Aysha

They have been telling me I am depressed for about a year now.
I wont take the meds. I dont want to take meds.
Maybe thats my problem.
I dont rememebr the last attempts being this bad.
But I really havent ever been clean too long.
I am making a Dr appt for my back again Fri. I am going back to my old Dr.
I hate feeling like this.
Thanks Carol...I couldnt get to a meeting if I wanted to. Besides..the way I have been lately.The first person that tried hugging me would get the look of death.
Probably not a good idea for me to interact with people too much right now.

I hate feeling like this.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hey Trish,

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I think it's the newly sober stuff. When this hit me, I started going to AA. It helped. I know you have vehicle problems, so what also helps me when I'm in a funk (which I've been in too for the last couple weeks and I'm trying to get out of)is praying and meditation. Can you set aside 15 minutes or so and see if you can calm your mind?

Hang in there girl. You've come too far to chuck it now!

xo

Karen

adore79

You are doing a great job hanging in there Trish. I dont really know what to say other than I think you are great and I know you will make it.

Serenidad

The worst thing you can do in early recovery is isolate! Be careful. Get to a meeting everyday if you can. Don't sit in front of this computer all day and night! It will make things worse and drive you crazy! You need REAL human contact. This computer site is nice and everything, but IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO KEEP YOU SOBER AND CANNOT REPLACE AA OR OTHER RECOVERY PROGRAMS! Be careful! Try to eat right, sleep, and get some daily exercise. Even if you don't feel like doing those things, do them ANYWAY!

In treatment my counselor said that we are ALWAYS moving towards relapse or towards recovery, we are never standing still. Make sure you are moving towards recovery.

Just remember, drinking/using NEVER makes anything better...always worse!

Prayers are on the way!

Rusty Zipper

trish... PMS perhaps?

early recovery, and being a women have it double hard...

you'll get over the unknown hump...

keep reading your wonderful inspirations posts...

love ya girl

rust

1963comet

Have you thought about standing outside and Screaming? I've done that and felt better.

Right now BF grandson is staying here. Came here from jail because he cannot go to his mom's or dad's house. It has been two months and I have gotten so mad because of it. He even crashed my computer after being told to never use it. Will not leave the kid in my house alone ever again.

So, I understand feeling pressure right now. Heck I might just go scream again myself. Sorry for venting on your thread but it does help to talk abut stress.

Aysha

Vent away...I may need a punching bag.

doorknob

Do you have or can you get a bike? That would atleast double if not triple your travel range. It's great exercise and would help your natural endorphins to kick in. There were several chunks of time I couldn't drive and rode a bike for transportation. I even made it though a Montana winter, although it was pretty extreme! Just a thought...

Dee74

Actually Jen - it IS enough to keep me sober and a lot of other people I know here as well.

I think SR is a lifeline - sitting in front of this computer all day and night hasn't made things worse and hasn't driven me crazy - it's actually saved my bacon more than once.

You've found something that works and I'm happy for you....but as I go along in my recovery I find out how little I know...funny that.

If I've learnt one thing over the last 18 months it's that there's a million roads to recovery.

and Trish? like I said before - hang in there - I'm not convinced this means your recovery needs work - we all have ups and downs

D

Rowan

Boredom and isolation are big triggers for me. I can relate to your frustration, Trish.

I like what Anna had to say about being proactive. You have choices, and it's important to take action, rather than to be idle.

Human contact has become very important to me. Not just at meetings but with my co-workers, my daughter, going out for a walk and saying hello to strangers. And volunteer work is helpful too - it takes the focus off me, and I enjoy helping others. I don't have a lot of extra time outside of AA, my job, parenting, and managing my home, so I started donating blood regularly. That makes me feel good - every time you give blood, you are helping three anonymous people.

Change your perception of your life, if you can, and see the blessings that exist. I used to be plagued by what I call ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) - and I try to replace them with healthy, positive messages now - kinda like the affirmations we talked about that time.

Hang in there, friend - there's no need to go back out there and dance with the devil.

Love ya.

Ananda

I'm sorry you are struggling. I have been for a few weeks now, and for me it has been important to continue reaching out because if I don't I will end up alone with a bottle. I also need some time alone. I use SR and AA pretty equally at this point. The main thing is that whatever i was doing before when i was feeling better, i try to continue to do now even if my heart isn't in it.

It does get better again and isn't forever. And for me proper medication from my Dr. has been a part of my recovery

AW2486

I recently listened to an AA speaker named Clancy .. He talks about a spring in his guts, that just starts to churn, and churn. He mentioned two ways to fix it. Drinking Alcohol or getting active in recovery.

I'm glad your aware of that spring.. and what might happen. I hope you take the right action.

Praying for you

Aysha

I am not isolating. I probably should the way I have been acting.
I couldnt isolate if I wanted to. I got way to much family around to be alone. Kids running in my house all the time and they dont even live here.
Got my people at work I sit next to that are just as goofy as me.

As far as this not being a lifeline.. I get what you are getting at. BUT if it wasnt for this place I wouldnt be where I am today. This place helped me grow in so many ways I cant even begin to explain in words. I have tried meetings. And they are all fine and dandy. But not my cup of tea.
I do believe like Dee said everyone has thier own path. And I do believe there are many ways to recovery.
My father is over 20 years sober without a program. I have another friend who kicked a pretty intense crack addiction being homeless without a program.
Now he is well over 10 yrs clean from it.

I do also believe that just not doing anyhting and not making some kind of changes wont work. But it doesnt always have to be "program".

Thanks ALL of you.

I am just so use to running to the pipe without thinking. I am not sure where a relapse starts. I just want to be prepared.
Even though I dont feel the urge to do it. I never know what the next moment might be like.

Dee74

No matter what we do, we all have to be prepared Trish - always listen to ourselves and monitor how we're feeling - we know what the 'bad' feelings are like....

that's the key to staying healthy I think
D