Boleo

Abstinent and recovering. These two words appear to have the same meaning but they differ substantially when looked at over a long period of time. Abstinence may measure the same as recovery in a urine sample or blood test but the intention, expectations and the long-term durability of the two paths to “legally defined sobriety” are qualitatively quit different.

The abstinent addict is looking for a quick-fix for their problem where the person living in recovery seeks, desires and expects to find a new way of living without the need for any substances (crutches) in their lives. Abstinence may cure back problems (getting your license back, job back, family back) but it does not address the underlying causes of needing a mind-altering substance in the first place. A person seeking true recovery recognizes the truth about themselves, that is, that there was some kind of problem that existed prior to seeking out drugs or alcohol initially.
For the person who was uncomfortable in their own skin to start with, not drinking or drugging does not treat their bigger malady (anxiety, frustration, guilt or despair). The individual who is merely abstinent must go on to face these obstacles long after obtaining their short term goals or getting their stuff back.

There are a series of “simple to grasp” slogans used within recovery groups designed to get the newcomer through the next day/week/month or whatever short-term goal that particular program has. In all fairness to any counselor/teacher/sponsor these psychological tricks and tips are essential in the first few months of any kind of recovery and there is no practical way around them. The danger for the person in recovery comes when they continue to rely on these “band-aids” permanently and fail to heal the wound.

The limitations and weaknesses of abstinence typically do not show up until sometime later-on in the recovery process, when the now sober mind starts to realize that only a few things get better while most “life challenges” go on. They begin to recognize that most of the slogans they heard were simply not true or were gross exaggerations. One such slogan is; “just don’t drink, go to meetings and life will get better”. Your parole officer might think your life is better but he is looking at the situation from the perspective of a baby-sitter who is responsible for cleaning up your mess. The reality is that if you can’t sleep at night because of worries and fears, your life may in fact get worse and the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse may even move in with you. Peace of mind is a precious commodity to the soul living a sober life. Drugs and alcohol may have been a “rock” comfort-wise, but life without them may prove to be the “hard place” for the person who was caught in the middle and must now choose one side or the other. Now where does he or she find refuge?

A person taught to say the serenity prayer in his or her treatment program is in a better position than someone not familiar with the importance of peace of mind. Serenity is the deluxe edition of sobriety, which includes peace of mind, acceptance and a starting point for meditation. Without serenity, sobriety may not be worth having. True sobriety rides on the coat-tails of serenity. The next time you can’t sleep at night try asking yourself if sobriety is of any help in this particular situation.
Where humility has teaching power, serenity has healing power. That is the power to instill peace of mind. Just because someone was powerless over their drinking or drugging does not mean they have to be powerless over their recovery.

Jersey Nonny

Very profound. I'm interested in knowing if the statement is "original", or "taken out of context". If the latter, perhaps some of us would like to know the source, so we may read further.

KarenOskie

The thing for me, on my ninth day of sobriety and hoping so much for recovery, is that until I get some recovery the sobriety hurts like hell! I have SUCH a hard time coming home after work knowing there won't be anything to drink. It's gotten some easier but it's still hard. The only way I can do it is to promise myself that if I change my mind after an hour or so at home then I can go get some. Then I log on here, have some juice, read, whine a little to you guys (thanks for letting me) and it gets better. Not all better but enough that for nine days I haven't succumbed. I want so much to stay sober. I know I want true recovery and not just abstinence because I'm just not strong enough to hang on to just abstinence for very long. I've done it before, and once had developed some true recovery that lasted a couple of years! But it's harder this time. I wish I had stuck with it before, but the past is gone. I know I should probably be going to AA every day. Maybe that answered my own question. I really would rather not do that, though. I'd love some input. Thanks folks.

Ananda

Hi KO...I got sober again a little over a year ago. I remember what it is like to be in that first period of time. It was far worse this time than the first time. I think you are on the right track by taking it in smaller peices than 1 day. I had to do that. It helped to keep my schedule busy and yes, meetings is one way to do that. I also had to learn that the craving/draw to drink, IF i don't feed it...doesn't last to long. I have to acknowledge that the desire is there and then try to focus on other things. I recently went through a very powerful desire to drink. One of the problems was that I started focussing on just how badly i wanted to drink and why....don't know how to explain it, but was definatlely NOT letting that thought fade away and puting something else in its place.

For myself, I believe that abstenance is the key first stage of recovery and is recovery because once I stop drinking...i don't really have a choice but to change. Otherwise i will drink again. But seeing recovery in myself can be dificult, and I need to enjoy and cherish the little stuff instead of judging my progress as pitiful. Today my house is still pretty badly a mess...but there is not dead 1 month old food all over the floor. Today, I am not getting along with my friends, but i am able to spend some time with them without going balsitic.

Baby steps.

Boleo

Yes it is original.

If you would like to read more like it read "Knowledge vs Wisdom"

Aysha

I am just wondering why it is always thought that people with addictions had some underlying problems.
Is it at all possible that someone just tried drugs or alcohol and liked it. Hung around people who were into those things and went along. Nothing more?
Then as time progressed so did the addiction?
Then comes the problems. Many of them that seem to keep burrowing deeper as time goes by.

Then when recovery is attempted.Then there are underlying problems that stem from the many years of addiction.

Is that possible?

Gmoney

What I want to know is, how does one "legally define sobriety?" And is sobriety the same as recovery? I guess that would depend on which program or fellowship one is a member of, eh?

As a member of NA, and one who has made numerous attempts (through numerous ways) to find lasting recovery...I contend that abstinence is a requirement for lasting recovery (can't have recovery without being abstinent) and not all those who are seeking to be abstinent are looking for a quick fix to the "ultimate problem" (themselves). Many people in recovery understand that getting clean is just the beginning of the journey. I've also found that being abstinent (or clean) doesn't always mean the so-called "back problems" get solved. Because we differ in degree of sickness and rate of recovery, there are many who, after extensive periods of clean time, never reap the benefits that others do because of an inability to be totally honest with themselves. Denial, rationalization, justification, distrust of others, guilt, shame, isolation, self-deciet, and a whole myriad of factors may prevent them from enjoying complete recovery and acceptance within society. IMO, it doesn't do anyone justice to stereotype or pigeon-hole. People in recovery are a very, very diverse population with needs, goals, and problems specific to each individual.

As far as the slogans go, I've found that many of them are made up "on the fly", so to speak...so they can be taken with a grain of salt. Yet, many others are based in truth and experience, and they serve a purpose for the newcomer as well as the member with decades clean. Let's take a look at the slogan you offered as "simply not true or were gross exaggerations."

Sounds simple, and for many it is. And since many addicts tend to complicate things (newcomer & oldtimer alike), this slogan may simply remind them that staying clean must always come first - no matter what their problems may be, using won't solve it. By going to a meeting, they may hear the solution from other members sharing their ES&H. Or by sharing their problem with others, they may find that their problem isn't as bad as they first thought it was. It has been my personal experience to vent and talk myself up on a solution, where otherwise I would've stuffed it and continued to carry it. When I allow others to help me and I stay open to new ideas (and I apply what I've received), my life usually does get better.

I can't speak for anyone else, but there have been times when I've had anxiety or worried about things out of my control - and even struggled to get to sleep. But not once have I ever questioned whether my recovery was of value. IMO, that's a no-brainer because no matter what living life on it's own terms brings my way, I know that staying clean (come hell or high water) grants me the greatest opportunity to overcome it. If I use, I lose. So, for me, there is peace in knowing, "At least I'm not throwing my life away by getting high!!"

Honesty is the antidote to diseased thinking. Humility is a spiritual principle, and spiritual principles never conflict with one another. As a matter of fact, they always compliment or "run" together. IMO, where ever there is humility, there is honesty. If there is honesty, there is acceptance. If there is acceptance, there is serenity. Serenity is peace of mind. I can have acceptance, serenity, willingness, humility, etc... when I open my mind to the reality that I cannot change reality. Surrender is the key. Things are the way they are because they're suppose to be that way. It is only when I fail to accept my powerlessness that I make my life unmanageable. The paradox is that when I surrender, I win.

G

bostonluv

Trish, I was thinking the same thing about this. Obviously some people (maybe a lot?) had underlying problems before they picked up. However, addiction strikes people everywhere. Maybe for some of us, we just liked to drink or drug and got addicted to it. Once again I am proving that I'm not a great thinker but simple answers aren't always wrong.

Aysha

All my great thinking went out the window when I decided to use drugs.
And now..I am told not to think too much.
Keep it simple.
I dont know..Works for me.