Getting toward the end
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 3
Getting toward the end
Hi,
My husband seems to be heading into (or in) the later stages of his disease of alcoholism. He's now taken to drinking heavily and driving.
He wrecked his car the other day. Unfortunately, I went to pick him up, but did not call the cops on him. About all I could bring myself to do was to take my time getting to him, hoping that the local PD (which is actually pretty much around the corner from where he was) would see him or someone would call it in.
The next morning, I had him go down and have the car towed and arrange the repair. Unfortunately, I let him take my car. He came home drunk in that.
I know what I need to do. The next time I know he's driving drunk, I need to call 911 and have the cops pick him up. The complicating factor is that my husband is a retired law enforcement office himself. My concern is that my husband will be so humiliated to be arrested that he'll kill himself sometime after he's out on bail for a DUI. I can go ahead and lock up the guns we have, but, by law, he won't have much trouble getting another one.
As I write this, I know I have to do the right thing to protect him and others by calling him in. I have to Let Go and Let God. My inability to do the right thing before this must be a lack of faith, as I know fear is the absence of faith.
I'm going to attend an Al-Anon meeting tonight; my sponsor is gone for the holiday weekend. Can anyone share their strength and hope with me now?
Thanks,
SoloRider
My husband seems to be heading into (or in) the later stages of his disease of alcoholism. He's now taken to drinking heavily and driving.
He wrecked his car the other day. Unfortunately, I went to pick him up, but did not call the cops on him. About all I could bring myself to do was to take my time getting to him, hoping that the local PD (which is actually pretty much around the corner from where he was) would see him or someone would call it in.
The next morning, I had him go down and have the car towed and arrange the repair. Unfortunately, I let him take my car. He came home drunk in that.
I know what I need to do. The next time I know he's driving drunk, I need to call 911 and have the cops pick him up. The complicating factor is that my husband is a retired law enforcement office himself. My concern is that my husband will be so humiliated to be arrested that he'll kill himself sometime after he's out on bail for a DUI. I can go ahead and lock up the guns we have, but, by law, he won't have much trouble getting another one.
As I write this, I know I have to do the right thing to protect him and others by calling him in. I have to Let Go and Let God. My inability to do the right thing before this must be a lack of faith, as I know fear is the absence of faith.
I'm going to attend an Al-Anon meeting tonight; my sponsor is gone for the holiday weekend. Can anyone share their strength and hope with me now?
Thanks,
SoloRider
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 112
Hey SoloRider,
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. I am not married to an alcoholic but I feel that I am surrounded by them. I personally quit drinking because I saw some early, but scary, signs of psychological alcohol dependency in my own behavior. I also put myself and people I care about through a lot of pain because of some of my drunken debacles during my college partying years. Anyway, you are aware of how serious and dangerous driving drunk is...both for your husband and everybody else on the road.
I am wondering if calling him into the police and having him arrested is the most effective strategy for confronting him on his drinking. Have you already tried to talk to him about your concerns? If so, how did he respond?
Having him arrested is inflicting a punishment on him. This will probably contribute to his depression and make him more inclined to take up drinking again as soon as he is bailed out. I've learned from dealing with alcoholics in my own life that they do not respond well to punishment or criticism as long as they are in the throes of addiction. Just last night my friend showed up at my apartment at 2 am. He was sober last night but he told me he had just stormed off after having a fight with his girlfriend because she "accused him of having a (drinking) problem." He is only 22 and probably in the earlier stages of alcoholism. Even still, his drinking problem being brought to his attention made him storm out of his g/f's apartment in the middle of the night and he said "ironically, all i wanted to do was drink during the entire fight."
I wish you the best and hope your husband is able to start his recovery as soon as possible. Remember to protect yourself first and foremost because there is little you can do to control his behavior.
I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. I am not married to an alcoholic but I feel that I am surrounded by them. I personally quit drinking because I saw some early, but scary, signs of psychological alcohol dependency in my own behavior. I also put myself and people I care about through a lot of pain because of some of my drunken debacles during my college partying years. Anyway, you are aware of how serious and dangerous driving drunk is...both for your husband and everybody else on the road.
I am wondering if calling him into the police and having him arrested is the most effective strategy for confronting him on his drinking. Have you already tried to talk to him about your concerns? If so, how did he respond?
Having him arrested is inflicting a punishment on him. This will probably contribute to his depression and make him more inclined to take up drinking again as soon as he is bailed out. I've learned from dealing with alcoholics in my own life that they do not respond well to punishment or criticism as long as they are in the throes of addiction. Just last night my friend showed up at my apartment at 2 am. He was sober last night but he told me he had just stormed off after having a fight with his girlfriend because she "accused him of having a (drinking) problem." He is only 22 and probably in the earlier stages of alcoholism. Even still, his drinking problem being brought to his attention made him storm out of his g/f's apartment in the middle of the night and he said "ironically, all i wanted to do was drink during the entire fight."
I wish you the best and hope your husband is able to start his recovery as soon as possible. Remember to protect yourself first and foremost because there is little you can do to control his behavior.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
Solorider, im sorry to hear things are this bad for you.
My ABF doesnt drive but i know when things have got seriously out of hand at home when he was blind drunk i called the police every time,. Yes mainly for my safety because he was either throwing stuff at me or attempting to attack me, but also to protect him from hurting himself too. He used to self harm alot when he was drinking.
At no point did i enjoy doing this, it was the worst feeling handing him over to the police and landing him with several court hearings/fines but it had to be done.
So my point is really that no matter how hard it is for you or your husband, if he ever gets in a car drunk again you MUST inform the police. He could kill someone and land in worse trouble.
Please take care of yourself.
sam.xx
My ABF doesnt drive but i know when things have got seriously out of hand at home when he was blind drunk i called the police every time,. Yes mainly for my safety because he was either throwing stuff at me or attempting to attack me, but also to protect him from hurting himself too. He used to self harm alot when he was drinking.
At no point did i enjoy doing this, it was the worst feeling handing him over to the police and landing him with several court hearings/fines but it had to be done.
So my point is really that no matter how hard it is for you or your husband, if he ever gets in a car drunk again you MUST inform the police. He could kill someone and land in worse trouble.
Please take care of yourself.
sam.xx
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Originally Posted by SoloRider 
I know what I need to do. The next time I know he's driving drunk, I need to call 911 and have the cops pick him up. The complicating factor is that my husband is a retired law enforcement office himself. My concern is that my husband will be so humiliated to be arrested that he'll kill himself sometime after he's out on bail for a DUI. I can go ahead and lock up the guns we have, but, by law, he won't have much trouble getting another one.
Thus, he knows the risks involved (for himself and others) when he drives intoxicated.
Surely he arrested many others for similar offenses.
In my opinion, you are doing nothing wrong in alerting the authorities when he chooses to drink and drive - you certainly don't sound as though your intention is to punish or condemn him.
His choices have consequences.
I am sorry that you have to feel the impact of those consequences.
Addiction is terrifyingly sad.
Situations like this reveal to me the extent of an alcoholic's powerlessness over their drinking - my husband has made similar choices.
I'll be praying for you.
-TC
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Go read my past threads. I turned in my AH two months ago for drinking and driving. He still does not know it was me, but he may find out. I was in a panic but thanks to those on this board I knew I did the right thing. I couldn't live with myself if he killed himself or some innocent person or child because I didn't speak up.
What he is doing is illegal and immoral. Call him in.
What he is doing is illegal and immoral. Call him in.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
Do call. I am not looking forward to the day if/when he finds out but I know I can stand tall. He goes back to court again on the 18th so it may be any day now if it will happen. Good thing though it has stopped him from drinking and driving. Hope he doesn't go back to it.
HE is doing the wrong thing with deadly consequences to others. Its one thing to drink your ownself to death. It's another to take innocent people with you.
HE is doing the wrong thing with deadly consequences to others. Its one thing to drink your ownself to death. It's another to take innocent people with you.
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