Anger
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
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Anger
I've recently noticed that lately I'm looking for reasons to get mad, so that sent me down the road of introspection. I know and accept that I can't control others so I spent a lot of time studying anger this past week and found something that speaks to me -- a low tolerance for frustration.
I no longer want to control people or situations, I want them to leave me alone at my convenience. I don't want to have to deal with them so I start to fume.
Somewhere along the way I decided I shouldn't have to deal with annoyances but they are all around me every day. When a construction worker parks in front of my mailbox and I get upset because I have to go outside and ask them to move, that is a problem. I have control over that situation and yet I resent it. Emotional laziness isn't good.
When did I develop a sense of entitlement? I may never know the answer to that and honestly don't think it serves any purpose to know, but I do know I better come to terms with it really quick. Time for me to get back to work on controlling myself.
I no longer want to control people or situations, I want them to leave me alone at my convenience. I don't want to have to deal with them so I start to fume.
Somewhere along the way I decided I shouldn't have to deal with annoyances but they are all around me every day. When a construction worker parks in front of my mailbox and I get upset because I have to go outside and ask them to move, that is a problem. I have control over that situation and yet I resent it. Emotional laziness isn't good.
When did I develop a sense of entitlement? I may never know the answer to that and honestly don't think it serves any purpose to know, but I do know I better come to terms with it really quick. Time for me to get back to work on controlling myself.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
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I hear you Chino.
Once I started really grasping the fact that I could only control me, I started becoming really frustrated with those who controlled themselves differently.
I thought...I now make the rules, so EVERYBODY better start paying heed lol I'm pretty sure thats not what is meant by taking back control.
I will say, however, that I DO let someone know when they are interrupting my piece of the world.
I took my grandbaby to a county fair recently. She wanted to play a stupid fishing game, and the lady was charging $5! I asked about the high price and she said that every game was $5. OK...we paid, and I walked a bit further to find that the others were $2.
I marched back down and told her, to which she replied "Oh, I didn't know" I responded "Now you do" and marched away.
Didn't solve anything, but at least I spoke my piece.
My BF was laughing out loud
Once I started really grasping the fact that I could only control me, I started becoming really frustrated with those who controlled themselves differently.
I thought...I now make the rules, so EVERYBODY better start paying heed lol I'm pretty sure thats not what is meant by taking back control.
I will say, however, that I DO let someone know when they are interrupting my piece of the world.
I took my grandbaby to a county fair recently. She wanted to play a stupid fishing game, and the lady was charging $5! I asked about the high price and she said that every game was $5. OK...we paid, and I walked a bit further to find that the others were $2.
I marched back down and told her, to which she replied "Oh, I didn't know" I responded "Now you do" and marched away.
Didn't solve anything, but at least I spoke my piece.
My BF was laughing out loud
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
we can't control other people but we can control situations. i will not let people run over me or take me for granite any more. i used to be the type that would let anyone do anything to me but not today. i am in control of myself & how i will be treated. that is getting the respect i deserve & taking care of me. recovery has taught me this.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
I think these everyday irritations will occur no matter what, and some days we just deal better than others. There are three things I know for me:
1. Frustration = I am not control of a situation and need to step back and see if there really is anything I can do about it? If I can ask someone to move their car - there's my answer, if not, I have to let it go. Either way, I do what I can and/or I have to let it go.
2. Confusion = lying and manipualtion - at least when it comes to my AH, even it's just about whether or not he watered the lawn. If I feel confused for any reason, the chances are I'm being lied to and/or manipulated and I tune out.
3. Should = stop. When I start using should statements in reference to myself or anyone or anything else, I'm trying to control something, and while I might wish or think it would be better for something to be one way or another, it's not my place to decide if it "should" or not be that way and I stop.
Wishing you peace!
1. Frustration = I am not control of a situation and need to step back and see if there really is anything I can do about it? If I can ask someone to move their car - there's my answer, if not, I have to let it go. Either way, I do what I can and/or I have to let it go.
2. Confusion = lying and manipualtion - at least when it comes to my AH, even it's just about whether or not he watered the lawn. If I feel confused for any reason, the chances are I'm being lied to and/or manipulated and I tune out.
3. Should = stop. When I start using should statements in reference to myself or anyone or anything else, I'm trying to control something, and while I might wish or think it would be better for something to be one way or another, it's not my place to decide if it "should" or not be that way and I stop.
Wishing you peace!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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I'm glad I typed this out yesterday. About 30 minutes after I did, I had a chance to share it with my family. The four of us were getting ready to hit the water on jet skis and the boat, each of us with different agendas. Whether it was locking the door or grabbing a gas can, it was like we were all speaking four different languages at the same time.
My husband and son were starting to fume because they wanted to leave RIGHT NOW and my daughter's head was spinning from the confusion. I just started laughing and asked everyone to hold on for a minute. I told them what I realized earlier about my inappropriate anger over trivial frustrations, annoyances. They calmed down pretty fast.
My husband and I spent the night on the lake and this is what greeted us this morning. It was a great way to start this day and put yesterdays anger in it's proper place
My husband and son were starting to fume because they wanted to leave RIGHT NOW and my daughter's head was spinning from the confusion. I just started laughing and asked everyone to hold on for a minute. I told them what I realized earlier about my inappropriate anger over trivial frustrations, annoyances. They calmed down pretty fast.
My husband and I spent the night on the lake and this is what greeted us this morning. It was a great way to start this day and put yesterdays anger in it's proper place
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
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Ahhh Chino I would love that picture framed in my living room - it's gorgeous!! Taking in the beauty of the world in such a way sure does help me remember what is important. (I envy the jet ski ride though too...as much as I love serenity I love the thrill of full throttle )
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I definitely identify. I've found I value my serenity so much that I do start carrying resentments when peple or events challenge it. Something I need to focus on as well.
) Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I definitely identify. I've found I value my serenity so much that I do start carrying resentments when peple or events challenge it. Something I need to focus on as well.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
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first off, that is one incredible photo. That's a mood changer all right. Second, I so identify with getting easily annoyed. I have noticed most people (this is most apparant at work) do not get as annoyed at little stupid stuff as I do. I think for me, its about perfectionism and expectations. I have high standards for myself. I have expectations that everyone else should do stuff "the right way" and not half-assed. so stupid stuff, shoddy workmanship, laziness, excuses, people not following the rules - all of that really pisses me off. I actually have this written and posted it in my kitchen
"Let Other People Do it Wrong".
That's how much of a problem its been. I just keep asking my higher power to remove my defects of perfectionism, judgementalism, lack of acceptance, too high expectections of others -(ala the 7th step) but its sure slow going to see real progress - though some days are way better than others. The irritability and lack of tolerance are worse when I'm tired and stressed in general.
"Let Other People Do it Wrong".
That's how much of a problem its been. I just keep asking my higher power to remove my defects of perfectionism, judgementalism, lack of acceptance, too high expectections of others -(ala the 7th step) but its sure slow going to see real progress - though some days are way better than others. The irritability and lack of tolerance are worse when I'm tired and stressed in general.
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I wasn't very happy at waking so early because I'm not a morning person on my best days. When I watched the light changing I remembered my problem with frustration and gave myself a mental punch on the arm.
That made me think about the phrase "roll with the punches." I looked it up out of curiosity and had to laugh at myself again. It originates from boxing of course, and I knew that, but had forgotten the physics of it. I haven't been under attack but have perceived a few situations that way. This has all been shadow boxing on my part and the shadow is me.
Time to put the gloves away and get back to riding the waves (thanks greet
)
That made me think about the phrase "roll with the punches." I looked it up out of curiosity and had to laugh at myself again. It originates from boxing of course, and I knew that, but had forgotten the physics of it. I haven't been under attack but have perceived a few situations that way. This has all been shadow boxing on my part and the shadow is me.
Time to put the gloves away and get back to riding the waves (thanks greet
)
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