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in need of some help...

Old 08-30-2008, 07:42 PM
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in need of some help...

I do apologize if this is strictly a forum for recovering substance abusers... I have come to the point where I can't live like this anymore... Maybe someone can relate to me and give me some feedback


I'm 28... and I've been an alcoholic on and off for 5 years...

I work as a manager in customer service (GREAT JOB), Im friendly, nice, very personable, attractive (VERY MODESTLY) and most of the time I have a smile on my face. (I dont drink at work) I have a great sense of humor and can laugh at anything, mostly myself. The people I work with are like my family which is a blessing now a days. I have a great family that would do anything for me at anytime... I am lucky to have good people in my life as well as a good family... I couldn't ask for more... but...

I'm an alcoholic... I've stopped a few times with in the 5 years but not long...

I've lost everything in a sense... who i am, interests... I was thinking about it today... I dont enjoy life anymore and all I think about is going home to drink! My life has gone to the bottle... Some days I dont even remember things... thats not me... but for some reason I drink till I cant function...alone...I am a completely different person when I drink... an awful person... not like the average who can have a drink and get giddy and lovey... i get nasty and angry... which is not me...

I used to love the person and my appearance... I'm a mess... from drinking so much...

I wake up EVERY morning and hate who I am, but yet I still have a loving boy friend who loves me and wakes up to me smelling like stale booze...ugh

I say to myself everyday that I wake up that this is the day... this is the day that Im not goin to drink anymore... but yet... i continue.


I'm dying
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Old 08-30-2008, 07:46 PM
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everything is already ok
 
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hi and welcome to SR

Your in the right place as am I.

There is lots of support here, read the stickies here and the in Alcoholics forum as well as other posts and most important keep talking here.

I came here over 3 years ago beaten and hopeless and today I have a life that full of love and hope.

Good to meet you

Kevin
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Old 08-30-2008, 07:59 PM
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Welcome youdneverknow. But you know don't you? That's the reason to get help and you'll find it here and in yourself.
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:03 PM
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Last time I checked, alcohol was a substance. Welcome to SR!

DK
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:05 PM
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I guess I meant more of the "recovering" part... still in this process is what I meant.
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:08 PM
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I think doorknob was just teasing you youdneverknow. We know what you meant!!
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:15 PM
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You're in exactly the right place. I came here a year ago and read everything I could - read, drank, and cried. Then finally I started to write a few things. I was shocked by the welcoming reception I got - no judgmental lectures. (Honestly if anyone had said anything discouraging to me back then, I'd have been gone, but it didn't happen.) I credit SR with helping me become strong & determined enough to lay it down almost 8 mos. ago. When I was your age I had no clue what was ahead of me - you are wise to see what is happening to you and to try and do something to stop it. You can do this and we'll be here to help see you through. This is a good thing, please don't be sad. It's time for your new life to begin, a life not lived as a slave to alcohol. Love, Joanie
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:48 PM
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Hello!! Welcome. I am 25 years old and also suffering as you, alot of what you said is very familiar to me because I can TOTALLY relate! I quit last november and stayed sober for three months, I think had I gotten a sponser and gone to more meetings I probably wouldnt have started slow drinking again, alas I did and regardless today I am only 18 days without booze but wow I feel great...you deserve to feel great too. I also drank alot alone and I also turned into a person that was a complete opposite of who I considered my true self to be...my true sober self. When I drank, almost immediately one drink in I would start to get a bit sassy, and my mind would twirl around the thoughts I, in a sober state, would contimplate without worry..all of a sudden I was two or three drinks in and I was mad, pissed at my boyfriend who like yours, still for some strange reason has loved me throughout some really low points in my drinking career...I would come to the decisions that my life sucked and I hated everything and eventually I would almost always blackout..In my blackouts I would either turn into big mouth know it all debater or act as if I was a single 18 super hottie on the prowl..much to my still very caring boyfriends dismay All in all, I was just miserable, the anxiety and guilt day in and day out, only to be subsided by another damn drink..and the viscious cycles continues...I went to a meeting when I decided eighteen days ago I was sick and tired of hating myself..and I keep going, I am working towards getting a sponser and I feel very proud. GO TO A MEETING GIRL I dont like them allways so find a womens group, thats what I love and try it out. I really hope you can be easy on yourself while being tough with yourself and taking care of yourself..You deserve to be happy, and I have learned that the women of AA arent toothless dirty haggard old crabs I once had envisioned, we are strong, beautiful smart loving kind women who want to live a good happy life and love ourselves enough to work on it. We all share the same disease, and only our will power can cure it ! I am rooting for you honey and keep posting on here you have tons of support! XOXO
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Old 08-30-2008, 08:51 PM
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Cool

Hey There ----

Welcome to SR, youdneverknow....there are lots of good recovering/recovered folks here.....from substance abuse, from alcohol specifically, from codependence, and alanon and naranon.....this is truly a great place, for any and all.....

Besides reading and posting here, I don't know if you're interested in AA, but whatever you've heard in the past (be it good or bad), you might just want to go over to their website.....: Alcoholics Anonymous : There's lots of information there...what it is, is it for you....you can also download and read the first 164pages of AA's BB (Big Book; they're basic text), and you can also download and read most (if not all) of their pamphlets too.....very kewl....we used to have to find a meeting and hope they had the pamphlets, and then scrape together the $$.....ahhhhh, the good ole dayz.....lol Their site will also help you if you're interested in finding meetings close to where you are.

Now, don't be put off; if AA is not your cup of tea, there are a couple of good forums right here on this site.....: Christians in Recovery (if that's your belief); Spirituality; Secular Connections; and Secular 12-Step Recovery....to name a few..... (o:

...and there are also other recovery methods (recovery truly is NOT a one size fitz all world...lol).....: Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery, LifeRing, Women For Sobriety....All their infor is around and about on the internet.....

Well, welcome to the rest of your life.....sober.....and happy hunting.... (o:


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Old 08-30-2008, 08:55 PM
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Old 08-30-2008, 10:12 PM
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Originally Posted by youdneverknow View Post
I guess I meant more of the "recovering" part... still in this process is what I meant.
My bad.. I misunderstood ya. No one expects you to have it together and many consider the process to be lifelong. I'm only 11 days along. Glad you're here!
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Old 08-30-2008, 10:20 PM
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Hi there,

Welcome to SR. You are definitely in the right place. I for one can relate to you. I saw a lot of myself in what you wrote. I was just thinking to myself yesterday that I don't know ME anymore, and I don't like that. I have lost almost all of my good habits and developed a bunch of new, bad habits. I don't like that, either.

While I can't promise you that everyone here will always tell you what you WANT to hear, I can promise you that we will tell you what you NEED to hear, and we will ALWAYS support you and encourage you to continue your recovery.

I'm ending my 4th day sober, by the way. I've stopped and started the recovery train more times than I can count.
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Old 08-31-2008, 12:42 AM
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Welcome to SR Youdneverknow, best wishes to you.
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Old 08-31-2008, 03:05 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Hi and Welcome!

Congratulations on seeking a way out of the vicious
cycle of alcoholism. I felt like I was 3 women in
one body when I decided to quit.

Carol ---the hard working ...friendly .attractive me
Barbara...about 6 drinks ...here she was loud..flirty...argumentive
Delores...10+ drinks...hysterically crying...phoning sleeping friends..
paranoid and shame filled. A sodden lump of depression.

Yes! I found my way out of the misery-go-round
.... So can you!

Please keep posting ...ask questions if you want
You have found a place full of new supportive friends.
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Old 08-31-2008, 04:37 AM
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Welcome YNK !

There are just tons of support here.

You are not alone in this.

My little suggestion is to get a copy of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous", The "Big Book" of AA.

No, it is not really big or huge or anything, one of the original copies was printed on the cheapest paper available (which was very thick) because they didn't have enough money to afford better paper. So, the book was thick and heavy and the name "big Book" stuck!

You can order it online, find it in almost any book store, or you can get one at any AA meeting (they are simply given to a new person or sold for cost).

You can also keep checking in here for support.

I try to check in here and at least read some posts every day. It just helps me to keep my head on straight.

I will have been sober a year next month and this site has been a fantastic resource!

I wish you peace and love and light,

Groucho
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Old 08-31-2008, 04:41 AM
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Welcome to the site! I came here in March wanting to get and stay sober but only today I have 49 days sober. I too have stopped and started back up more times than I can remember. But I'm finally serious about sobriety and determined to stay sober.

You can get and stay sober too! Lots of support and understanding here. We're all trying to win over our addictions. Please come back here often to read and post and get support and info!

Welcome to the site!:ghug3
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Old 08-31-2008, 04:03 PM
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Thank you everyone... I keep reading everything and tears come to my eyes... and all I do is think and think and think... Of how disappointed I am that I let it go this far... I've thought about all the ridiculous things Ive said or done... just little things like eating stuff in a drunken stooper (kinda like David Hasselhoff... not to make fun but...) And I do all of it alone... My boyfriend works 2nd and I work 1st... so when I get home at 3 thats when the "party" begins... I would wake up the next morning and not remember the condition I left the apartment in the night before... unexplainable things like why is the shower curtain ripped down (from me falling or something). I cant even begin to tell you how many unexplained bruises Ive had most likely walking or more like stumbling into the end tables.

Ive gone to family functions drunk (to me... I didnt think I was drunk, but I never thing Im drunk), to my bf's parents for dinner, out anywhere and everywhere... I really am ashamed...

My boyfriend drinks everynight but he has 2 and can stop... me on the other hand, I dont stop until I actually pass out... I think hes starting to see that I might have a problem... noone knows about it... He knows now right away Ive been drinkin b/c with the first drink I change...

Thank you everyone again for letting me talk about my experience and being supportive. It means ALOT to me...
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Old 08-31-2008, 05:11 PM
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you found us.

Omigosh, I turned into a horrible person when I drank. I was like Carol described, my mood depended on how much I'd been drinking. And, my life became smaller and smaller. I stopped my activities and hobbies, stopped seeing friends, all I wanted to do was to stay home alone and drink.

Don't spend energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty. Early sobriety is a very tough time because you need to really face, completely sober, the messes you've made in your life. But, don't let it overwhelm you because it can drag you back down. You're at the place you are for a reason. You can make a choice to move forward.
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Old 08-31-2008, 05:13 PM
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Thanks for posting, youdneverknow. I've been sober in AA since November 22, 1988. You are helping me stay sober. I need to remember where I came from or I'll go back there.

Here's some AA slogans that may be helpful. Take what you like and leave the rest:

One day at a time. You're just trying to stay sober today, just for this one day, no more. Today is all you've got. You can't have tomorrow's dinner today; you can't have tomorrow's sobriety today either.

Live and let live: I drank for many reasons, most of which included how I felt about others and myself. That doesn't make sense.

Think, think, think: My own best thinking got me where I was. To go somewhere else, I had to think differently.

(end)

I strongly suggest AA.
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Old 08-31-2008, 05:18 PM
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Welcome- youdneverknow!

I too was several different women in one body; I can relate to you as well as many others here.

Glad you found SR... Please keep posting!
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