self pity/a stupid and pointless blather
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Los Angeles CA
Posts: 149
self pity/a stupid and pointless blather
any advice for what to do when you're tired of yourself? i feel like i cant succeed with the simplist of things. i have been divorced for almost a year, seperated for about 2 yrs before that- i don't feel like i have accomplished anything. i was trying to take care of my dad and ran out of money. i am in debt. my dog got into my tenant's herb bed tonight while i was out, and a neighbor called to complain about my dog barking. i got burned by a friend whose car i bought and the very day i drove it, the clutch went completely and i had to get it towed/a new 800 clutch job. she isn't returning my calls. i don't have kids. i just feel like a waste. when i see my husband once or twice a year, he cries, so i never feel angry with him or tell him how i feel. i end up telling him not to worry, things are fine im fine, he shouldn't feel guilty. but then later, i am left with anger and saddness and he seems happy with his life and girlfriend. i don't begrudge him that. but it reminds me that i failed. his new girlfriend is like me, only she accomplishes things. things i only talk about. i don't know why i don't take more action. why don't i write those articles i said i would, call those people, act like a normal person. sometimes i wish society eliminated people like me. i don't want my sister or family to be sad, but sometimes i fantasize about getting in a car accident nd going instantly. i have had a new boyfriend for a year, but am realizing that, though i feel comfortable, i am not in love with him the way i was with my husband. if i were religious, i could join a convent. i wonder if the peace corp would take me. i just want to get out and call it quits to the life i was trying to have- homeowner and the dog. i failed and i want out. if i weren't 37 i'd want to go to the nursing home and wait for some nurse to roll me out into the yard and ill drool till i stop breathing. have others felt this way? i have been up and down, mostly up, but somehow ive slpped down the past month to the point where i just want to be eliminated.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
(((lillian)))
Your post has me really worried. Sounds like you're really down on yourself just now.
Have you been to see your doctor? What you're describing sounds a lot like how I felt before my clinical depression diagnosis and getting prescribed anti-depressants but your doctor would know better than me. Please, please go see your doctor. If you have depression, anti depressants can help lift the mind fog. Seeing a counsellor would also be a good idea (even if you don't have clinical depression).
You sound in so much pain. Be kind to yourself. Set smaller goals for yourself to get a sense of achievement - remember its all about baby steps! You've been through so much, of course its going to take you time to first recover and then move on to be the person you can love. You haven't failed at life. It isn't some test you pass! Its a journey and about finding what makes you happy rather than conforming to some standard of 'normal'. Oooh, I just want to reach out and give you a big ol' hug!
Please take care of you!
Your post has me really worried. Sounds like you're really down on yourself just now.
Have you been to see your doctor? What you're describing sounds a lot like how I felt before my clinical depression diagnosis and getting prescribed anti-depressants but your doctor would know better than me. Please, please go see your doctor. If you have depression, anti depressants can help lift the mind fog. Seeing a counsellor would also be a good idea (even if you don't have clinical depression).
You sound in so much pain. Be kind to yourself. Set smaller goals for yourself to get a sense of achievement - remember its all about baby steps! You've been through so much, of course its going to take you time to first recover and then move on to be the person you can love. You haven't failed at life. It isn't some test you pass! Its a journey and about finding what makes you happy rather than conforming to some standard of 'normal'. Oooh, I just want to reach out and give you a big ol' hug!
Please take care of you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Hey there Lillian.....I am three years after divorce and all that crap too....and I too am in debt up to my ears....sometimes I feel like I just want to let this house go into foreclosure and and be done with this po dunk little town and everyone in it. BUT....life has to go on and Rome was not built in a day hunny. We will rebuild our shattered lives but it will take alot of time. Post divorce is always hard because we all feel so abandoned and lost. I kinda have a boyfriend too and all I seem to do with him is compare him to my XAH. I know this is the wrong thing to do but its just human nature.
We will overcome these feelings in time. What we are experiencing is just the aftermath of what happened to us and we have to realize this for what it is. It will get better just try not to think about it and continue on with your life without the A in it okay. Try to stay busy....maybe work some extra hours if you can. I have been doing that and it seems to help me a little bit. Its only when I am home that I get to feeling blue and down in the dumps. It will pass - I promise.
Hugs to you girl,
Janitw
We will overcome these feelings in time. What we are experiencing is just the aftermath of what happened to us and we have to realize this for what it is. It will get better just try not to think about it and continue on with your life without the A in it okay. Try to stay busy....maybe work some extra hours if you can. I have been doing that and it seems to help me a little bit. Its only when I am home that I get to feeling blue and down in the dumps. It will pass - I promise.
Hugs to you girl,
Janitw
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
Stop...breathe...When I am having a day like this I regroup and stop the negative thinking. It's hard, but I think about all the good things and accomplishments and make a mental list. I know it helped me at one point to talk to a professional...they have a way of helping you identify the good and move forward.
I can tell from your post that you have been through alot and it sounds like you are a survivor, that in itself is a remarkable trait. I know if I sat down and really thought about it, there are things I may not be remembering at the "downer" moment that make me a wonderful and worthy person.
Hang in there and keep reading...this too shall pass!
I can tell from your post that you have been through alot and it sounds like you are a survivor, that in itself is a remarkable trait. I know if I sat down and really thought about it, there are things I may not be remembering at the "downer" moment that make me a wonderful and worthy person.
Hang in there and keep reading...this too shall pass!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 405
Yes I have felt unhappy and bitter and worthless. It is hard. But I think by healing those wounds we can feel really truly deeply better.
Yoga, walks help me, and therapy. I have heard meetings help to. Listen to your gut - what feels nourishing and healing to you?
Yoga, walks help me, and therapy. I have heard meetings help to. Listen to your gut - what feels nourishing and healing to you?
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
Hi lillian,
I felt that way for about 3 years recently. It turned out to be a low thyroid. My thyroid was borderline so the doctors didn't catch it and didn't want to treat it because it wasn't outside the normal range. I had to wait that whole time until it got outside the normal range. They still didn't treat it. It got lower and they still said it wasn't low enough so I threw a fit. I am on a low dose of thyroid medication and it made all the difference. It was like my mind wanted to do things, but I couldn't make my body get up out of the chair.
Menopause is another factor that caused me some real trouble several years ago.
There could be real physical problems causing the depression and lack of motivation you feel. Please see your doctor.
If you rule out the physical an anti-depressant for a short time can get you out of the slump enough to start some activities that will make you feel better. Exercise and nutrition are important.
Please start with the doctor and take it from there.
Hugs,
MG
I felt that way for about 3 years recently. It turned out to be a low thyroid. My thyroid was borderline so the doctors didn't catch it and didn't want to treat it because it wasn't outside the normal range. I had to wait that whole time until it got outside the normal range. They still didn't treat it. It got lower and they still said it wasn't low enough so I threw a fit. I am on a low dose of thyroid medication and it made all the difference. It was like my mind wanted to do things, but I couldn't make my body get up out of the chair.
Menopause is another factor that caused me some real trouble several years ago.
There could be real physical problems causing the depression and lack of motivation you feel. Please see your doctor.
If you rule out the physical an anti-depressant for a short time can get you out of the slump enough to start some activities that will make you feel better. Exercise and nutrition are important.
Please start with the doctor and take it from there.
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hey Lillian --
I agree w/ Bookwyrm, you sound really down and maybe consider getting a check-up?
After my father died my mom was in a funk (natch) for a couple of years. Then she did something she'd always wanted to do: she joined the Peace Corps! She made the 2 1/2 yr commitment and went and worked in Liberia and had an amazing experience. She was 65 years old and they accepted her into the program so don't let age stop you!
I think it can be a healthy channel for codies to offer "help" to people who want it and accept it and appreciate it! What better place to do that than as a volunteer? I also think it is an active way to build up self-confidence and self-esteem. To be a PC Volunteer makes you some life long friends too.
And I can relate--post-divorce really sux. Especially those first few years... don't be afraid to shake things up. The past is gone. You are free in this moment!
Peace,
B.
I agree w/ Bookwyrm, you sound really down and maybe consider getting a check-up?
After my father died my mom was in a funk (natch) for a couple of years. Then she did something she'd always wanted to do: she joined the Peace Corps! She made the 2 1/2 yr commitment and went and worked in Liberia and had an amazing experience. She was 65 years old and they accepted her into the program so don't let age stop you!
I think it can be a healthy channel for codies to offer "help" to people who want it and accept it and appreciate it! What better place to do that than as a volunteer? I also think it is an active way to build up self-confidence and self-esteem. To be a PC Volunteer makes you some life long friends too.
And I can relate--post-divorce really sux. Especially those first few years... don't be afraid to shake things up. The past is gone. You are free in this moment!
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Hey Lillian,
Yeah, I've felt what you've felt. I woke up one day and was up to my ears in debt, losing my house, my neighbors had called animal control on my barking dog, my car was making an expensive huffing sound, I hated my job, and pretty much couldn't see why I ought to continue.
Luckily my job forced me to go see a counselor. I sat down, all resentful and planning to completely stonewall his efforts to talk about my relationship with my mother, father, etc. But all he suggested was choosing one thing - out of extensive list of woes and crimes -- one thing to work on. Not even necessarily the biggest thing, but the one that I was mostly likely to be able to fix. And to come talk to him about it next week.
So I solved the dog thing. Apologized to my neighbor, gave them my work phone number in case he was barking, got him some toys (like a Kong) to keep him busy, blah blah.
Went back to the guy and said, "So? The rest of my life still sucks." And he made me start a Victory Board, a list of the things I'd been able to do right. This went at the top of it.
The next week some other small thing went on it, and the next, another. The point was to show me that it wasn't that I never did anything right, just that as soon as I did it, I'd forget about it. The good stuff I did I'd forget right away. So much more interesting to talk about how miserable I was, how awful I was. Having something concrete to show me I actually WAS a good person who was trying...that started me out of my hole.
Not saying it'll work for you. But I was pretty hopeless and it worked for me.
Think about what folks above have said too. Biochemical stuff can really make you feel like a loser, when in reality it's just some weird long-chain-hormonal-molecule thingie in your bloodstream that's decided to mess with your head.
Yeah, I've felt what you've felt. I woke up one day and was up to my ears in debt, losing my house, my neighbors had called animal control on my barking dog, my car was making an expensive huffing sound, I hated my job, and pretty much couldn't see why I ought to continue.
Luckily my job forced me to go see a counselor. I sat down, all resentful and planning to completely stonewall his efforts to talk about my relationship with my mother, father, etc. But all he suggested was choosing one thing - out of extensive list of woes and crimes -- one thing to work on. Not even necessarily the biggest thing, but the one that I was mostly likely to be able to fix. And to come talk to him about it next week.
So I solved the dog thing. Apologized to my neighbor, gave them my work phone number in case he was barking, got him some toys (like a Kong) to keep him busy, blah blah.
Went back to the guy and said, "So? The rest of my life still sucks." And he made me start a Victory Board, a list of the things I'd been able to do right. This went at the top of it.
The next week some other small thing went on it, and the next, another. The point was to show me that it wasn't that I never did anything right, just that as soon as I did it, I'd forget about it. The good stuff I did I'd forget right away. So much more interesting to talk about how miserable I was, how awful I was. Having something concrete to show me I actually WAS a good person who was trying...that started me out of my hole.
Not saying it'll work for you. But I was pretty hopeless and it worked for me.
Think about what folks above have said too. Biochemical stuff can really make you feel like a loser, when in reality it's just some weird long-chain-hormonal-molecule thingie in your bloodstream that's decided to mess with your head.
Rediscovering myself
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 231
But all he suggested was choosing one thing - out of extensive list of woes and crimes -- one thing to work on. Not even necessarily the biggest thing, but the one that I was mostly likely to be able to fix. And to come talk to him about it next week.
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