funkzter

Dear friends,

This week i'm bit struggling with my emotions. So far, i've been handling the whole situation okay, concentrating on my baby and travelling with her. But, now that i'm back in my routine (my maternity leave ended 3 weeks ago), it is really hitting me hard. I feel Rain's absence very strongly and it's just very very difficult, especially when i go home after work. Worst is i don't have any news from him. If i regularly received some letters from him it'll be easier on me, but i have nothing except those monthly visits and it's just not enough
I feel really frustrated and sad and angry.
And now i feel worst cos i thought we can go visit him this Sunday but apparently they cannot accompany us that day so they will contact me later to arrange the visit another day! Don't they realize one week is a very looooonnnngggg time for me???? One month is long enough as it is
Anyway, i know that rehab is a good thing, i know it's for the best, but it doesn't change the fact that it's painful to be apart from the man i love and to be alone with our newborn baby (though i'm lucky that she is so sweet). And it's also annoying to always have to lie to people when they ask me "where is Rain, how is Rain, what is Rain doing blablablllaaa". What am i going to answer for one year????? (of course my closest friends and family know about it)
Ok la, enough complaints...
And, of course, meanwhile i'm taking care of myself: i do yoga every saturday and i have planned a "me night" on Fridays. Tomorrow i definitely need to go out with friends!

thanks for listening
Carine

IPT

Wow, kudos for you! Congrats on the new baby. I imagine that would be difficult under any circumstances. Yes, it must be really hard to not have him there. Seems like you know that in the end this is for the better though. For both you and the little one. An investment for your future. Hang tough, any thing worth having is worth working (waiting) for

marle

Carine, I am sorry for your struggle. Even when our addicts are clean and working on themselves it is still so hard for us. And with the new baby it must be even harder for you right now. But I can promise you the time will go by, some days faster and easier than others. You just keep taking care of yourself and your precious daughter. And know that Rain is doing what he needs to do so that someday he can be part of both of your lives again. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Marle

lightseeker

Carine -

I'm sorry that things are like this for you. Having a newborn is tough under the best of circumstances. I'm glad that you are taking care of yourself as best as you can. I have long said that sobriety can be just as difficult as active addiction - just in different ways. It sounds like a particularly lonely time for you right now. I'm sure that more communication from Rain would be something that you would appreciate greatly....hoping that as he recovers he will become more available. That first year is an extremely selfish time and this is demonstrating.

Take good care

baxter

Just looked back at the pics of the baby and she is just beautiful! A year does seem like an eternity but the end result will be worth it. Doesn't make it any easier but your strong. Maybe trying to take note of which times of the day affect you the most - like when you say coming home from work - and try maybe going for a walk or stopping off somewhere first to make it easier when you get home.

My step-daughter-in-law got into scrapbooking when her husband was gone for months at a time in the Navy and the kids were just babies. When you look through them there just like story books, New Year's right through to Christmas, and her husband just loved them when he got home. Now she's hooked and has one day a week she devotes to it, 15 years worth, and we all love them.

Hugs,

rahsue

I know you realize everything will eventually be good. hearing all you do for yourself and Mia sounds like your doing a perfect job. I hope this time passes quickly for you, but not too quick, watching Mia do her growing up things is so much fun. My prayers will be with you for your lonliness to be short lived.

Better days ahead!!

WENDYLOST101

Funkzter, all I can really say is that I am sorry for your pain, and just try to remember the good times you will have when Rain does get to come home.

As for what to tell people, I have recently just started telling anyone who wants to know, the whole truth. I was so tired of keepin AH's secret for him, so I just stopped.

And one more thing, Right after my son was born was when I really started to know something was not right with AH. Soon my focus was all on him and between AH's addiction, my post pregnancy problems and post pardom depression, I barely remember certain parts of my babys first year. Try your best to not worry yourself about Rain too much. Take in everything you can of that precious angel now.

All said with much love. I am so glad you have started coming back to SR. I really missed you!

Chino

When people ask what my daughter is doing these days, I say "getting her life together". If someone asks more questions, I tell them "it's her business, you'll have to ask her."

Serenity Bound

Sounds like even though you're hurting, you have a good plan. Keep in mind that wonderful "bundle of love" such a blessing. I know that my two grand-daughters (6 mos & 6yrs) are just the blessings I need to keep me centered. As my AD is in rehab right now, I'm taking care of the 6mo old (wow-it's a lot of work...lol)but it certainly helps me get through each day.

After 8 yrs in the program, I am pretty open to people, if they ask I will usually tell them how my AD is. However, like with anything else I chose what & who I tell.

Keep taking care of yourself & your baby, time will take care of everything else, before you know it the time will fly past.

Hugs to you.

stefanie

Carine, so sorry youre hurting, it must be very hard. As the others have said,
enjoy Mia...they grow up so fast, and have fun with her. Rain is right where
he needs to be now-so he can be a healthy dad!

hello-kitty

I have raised my son alone, pretty much since the day he was born. I can't believe he is three now. Yes they do grow up very fast. His father has been in and out of his life since the day he was born. He's either busy getting high, or he's in and out of prison/rehab. He just can't seem to stay clean for very long.

So I commend you for being strong. Being a single mom is hard work. I know how hard it is. It's also huge blessing to be able to raise a child on your own. A immense challenge but a blessing at the same time.

I try to stay in the now and not project what might happen or what people might say or anything. It helps me not too worry. And worry doesn't make things better.

You just can just say, Rain is taking care of some personal issues right now and cant' be with us.

People usually don't pry after that answer. They usually drop it. But if they don't you can say, "It's Rains personal business and I can't talk about it. But Mia and I are doing really well."

Then you don't have to tell lies that you may later regret.

And when your daughter gets a little older, you can just say, your daddy loves you very much. he is far away and he will see you when he can.

Then you don't set up any false expectations. You don't say anything negative. And you put responsibility for his behavior exactly where it needs to be - on his shoulders.

funkzter

Thanks all for your answers & support, it really warms my heart
Thanks also for your advise on what to answer to people...It's just that people expect us to be such a happy family and of course they always ask "rain must be so happy, how is he with the baby blablaaa and how is his job etc etc..." so it's bit hard to reply " oh he is fine, happy to be a daddy but currently out of our life for "personal matters" ;P
poiuhhhh...Anyway, that's not what concerns me the most (what people think) but that just makes me even more realize how "unusual" our family situation is...

hugs to all
Carine