Taking the drugs out of it.........
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Taking the drugs out of it.........
Purely on relationship dealings ..... here is what I have come to in the early stage of my recovery.
ME: WOW - I'm SO overwhelmed in MY life - just in general - basically everything is just wild ~ crazy and out of control.
HIM: You are doing great.... look at what you have and have done. I've also got a ton of things going on...... perhaps I will be able to learn from you and your wisdom?
ME: REALLY? Okay! I can tell you ALL and EVERYTHING about what you are doing wrong! What you should be doing!
HIM: UGH..... COOL! (Oh crap..... now she is really going to see all of my deepest and darkest secrets and fears) (I better hold some back for me because she is going to run scared if she KNOWS all)
ME: I feel so close to you - like I KNOW YOU - I can feel you pulling away from me....... don't lie to me - I love you for who you are! Just be real!
HIM: It sounds good in theory - but I don't even like who I am..... or love who I am..... how can you?
It goes round and round like this for how long???????
I end up forgetting about all of my problems and they just snow ball into bigger and larger problems. And his problems aren't getting fixed because he has the soft cushion to land on via me because I have all of his problems sorted out! But who is working on mine? NO ONE!!!! And his aren't going to be worked out unless he does it himself! I am scared too - to look at what it is that I have to work on. It's so much easier to run away and hide. In my case, it's into someone else's life. For him - drugs.
TOGETHER: Let's work on our own problems individually!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is WHY I'm in recovery - to face my own demons!!!!
ME: WOW - I'm SO overwhelmed in MY life - just in general - basically everything is just wild ~ crazy and out of control.
HIM: You are doing great.... look at what you have and have done. I've also got a ton of things going on...... perhaps I will be able to learn from you and your wisdom?
ME: REALLY? Okay! I can tell you ALL and EVERYTHING about what you are doing wrong! What you should be doing!
HIM: UGH..... COOL! (Oh crap..... now she is really going to see all of my deepest and darkest secrets and fears) (I better hold some back for me because she is going to run scared if she KNOWS all)
ME: I feel so close to you - like I KNOW YOU - I can feel you pulling away from me....... don't lie to me - I love you for who you are! Just be real!
HIM: It sounds good in theory - but I don't even like who I am..... or love who I am..... how can you?
It goes round and round like this for how long???????
I end up forgetting about all of my problems and they just snow ball into bigger and larger problems. And his problems aren't getting fixed because he has the soft cushion to land on via me because I have all of his problems sorted out! But who is working on mine? NO ONE!!!! And his aren't going to be worked out unless he does it himself! I am scared too - to look at what it is that I have to work on. It's so much easier to run away and hide. In my case, it's into someone else's life. For him - drugs.
TOGETHER: Let's work on our own problems individually!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is WHY I'm in recovery - to face my own demons!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 494
One step forward and how many back? I think I took more than 2 
Great post Ab. Yes we do have to focus on ourselves. For the longest time I could not see my issues. This disasterous relationship has allowed me to see some of them. Though I wonder sometimes too if I was in a healthy relationship would these issues even exist (the need for cotrol specifically in my case)? Don't know. My life in general is pretty together, except relationship wise. Guess what I really need to figure out is why I allowed this relationship to endure. Why I lose interest in the gals who got it all together.
It is a journey for sure. Recovery, for me I guess it is. I can see my addicition and the actions that come with it toward my girl. Withdrawal is tough.
How do you handle it though when you step up and focus on you, only to watch the one you care about flounder and fall behind because they haven't really entered the game?
Great post Ab. Yes we do have to focus on ourselves. For the longest time I could not see my issues. This disasterous relationship has allowed me to see some of them. Though I wonder sometimes too if I was in a healthy relationship would these issues even exist (the need for cotrol specifically in my case)? Don't know. My life in general is pretty together, except relationship wise. Guess what I really need to figure out is why I allowed this relationship to endure. Why I lose interest in the gals who got it all together.
It is a journey for sure. Recovery, for me I guess it is. I can see my addicition and the actions that come with it toward my girl. Withdrawal is tough.
How do you handle it though when you step up and focus on you, only to watch the one you care about flounder and fall behind because they haven't really entered the game?
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