maddie82

it has been so long since I've been on this board...for the first time in months I just feel so devastated and sick. My recovering heroin addict boyfriend has been clean for over 6 mos. and tonight he is out getting high.

About a month ago, after living together for 2 years out of state, we moved back to the city we are both from so that I could begin law school. He got a job in a restaurant and everything still seemed good. Then tonight I heard him on the phone in the bathroom and for some reason I just had the feeling that I needed to listen (a habit I thought I had broken myself of). Sure enough, I heard him making plans to use heroin with someone he works with. I felt like I was going to throw up. Of course he got upset and denied it, but by the end of the argument he just seemed defeated and said he loved me but he had to leave-would call me later. And he left. I feel so thrown off and I don't know what to do with myself. Part of me wants to hop in my car and go trolling around the city to find him, but I know I can't do that. I'm not even going to call him. I am only in my 1st week of school and have work I need to to but I feel too upset to concentrate.

I feel so stupid...how could I let myself think that this wouldn't happen again? why did I think that 6 mos. was so great? Now I am living in apartment that I can't afford without his help that I counted on. it is a year lease. I really believed that he was going to work, and not get high, and contribute. It has been such a great 6 months that I let myself be duped into thinking this was just how it was going to be from now on. I can't pay for this place alone and my parents have given all the help they can give-I also can't bear the thought of telling them what is going on. we lived so far away that I have thus far been able to keep it from them. I have taken out so many loans to pay for law school that I cannot bear the thought of trying to take out more. I want to do well in school and so don't want to try and pick up a job that would take time away from my studying. I am so unbelievably angry at him and myself. I don't know what the hell to do now. I know this is long and I don't expect any answers-I just feel so alone right now. thanks for listening.

Abundance

Maddie...... first of all...... I'm giving you a golf clap...... because you are focusing on yourself ~ you are focusing on your school work.

Tonight.... you do that! This is HIS relapse. This is something he will have to face the consequences about.

I know from experience about relapse now..... and I was most stuck with the fact that I didn't have a plan. Much like you don't. So, with that being said..... do not react to this. This is something you can't control. Let go emotionally and stand outside of yourself and look at it objectively. You know what your life is going to be like if he gets back into active addiction. But really - that is not something to be thinking about right now. Don't assume anything. Remember - all dark comes to light.

Keep focusing on what you need to do! You are powerless over what he does - what the "other guy" is doing.

Tonight... pray .... release ..... think about what you have to do tomorrow.

You are NOT stupid. You are a wonderful person who believed that it would not happen again. You sound knowledgeable about this disease. So ~ please do not beat yourself up.

I'll pray for you tonight .... be proud of who you are ~ all that you have done and are doing!

I know you want to go out after him ~ but I'm SO proud of you for not.

IPT

I understand your frustration....and my g/f barely has any clean time. 6 months is a good start, I would believe in that too. Don't beat yourself up for that. Like Abd said you are doing the right thing for you. He needs to look at himself after this all settles down.

Don't jump ahead of yourself. You are projecting the worst case senario (like a lot of us do) and that just may not even happen! I know it's hard, but focus on now. You do not know what tomorrow will bring. He hasn't lost his job, you are not responsible for the rent on your own. So far it is one slip for him.

Focus on you, and what is hapening now. Not what might happen. I'll pray for you both.

Done_With_It

Is there any other apartments in your building that are less expensive?
Sometimes you can move to a different one, and there are other things,
that sometimes landlords will work out with you if it comes to that.

I'm not one to think about what if's but I would do what I could to protect
myself as well. Law school is tough enough as it is, I would not allow
someones relapses to interfere with that. Your doing so well....
Your not stupid at all. Try not to beat up on yourself.
Believing in someone is not a crime, you had no way of knowing what his
choices would be.

Hang Tough.... We're here for ya...

imallright

Stay strong. You need to take care of you. Start thinking about ways to make it happen for you... your family might be able to help short term, you might want to start looking for a new roommate, you might want to look for a new place to live that will cost less... not mention will remove yourself from this situation if that is what you want. You didn't get into law school by being "dopey"... you are a very bright, young woman. You will figure it out, hon. I am thinking of you, stay strong!

funkzter

Hi Maddie,

Oh can i relate... My boyfriend is also an heroin addict and i have also been through the same happiness of him being clean and disappointment of him relapsing. Far too many times actually...Sometimes he managed to be clean for one year and then BAM..the latest relapse was after 6 months clean - and i was pregnant by this time...
So, you see, i guess i was a fool too. But when you're in love it's difficult not to believe in "happy forever after" because, afterall, love is about that, isn't it?
For now, my advise is focus on yourself & don't take decision too quicky...

You're strong xox
Carine

rozied

Oh Maddie, First of all you are not a stupid woman, stupid women don't get into Law School. You are in love with an addict, that is why you find yourself in this predicament.
Tonight focus on your work, he is out doing whatever it is he is doing, you cannot control that.
My 1st hubby was a Compulsive Gambler & I was so in love with him I even divorced him & remarried him before I ended it for good. You know you cannot change anyone but yourself ( and sometimes thats hard enough ) .
Know we are here for you. Keep coming back.
Love,
Diane

rahsue

I feel for you. My RAS is 7 months clean and doing well but I sometimes get very anxious worrying about relapse. I try to do what everyone is telling you to do,, think of yourself and what you need todo.


his problem
his recovery
his life