Jwoge02

Okay well I am new on here and to give everyone a brief summary I am now 20 and my dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. He got really really bad in the last year and I was sick of it. My sister mainly just gave up and wanted him to die but he is my father and I still love him so I worked very hard to get a spot set up at a rehab and talked to many people to figure out how to get him into a center. Found out that all it took was a long talk with him about everything. He agreed and was there for 30 days I visited him as much as i could and went to group meetings he graduated and agreed not to drink and go to meetings and i lived with him it has now been about 6 months and he is very lonlely he is still doing the same things he used to just without the booze I mean he is really lazy doesnt leave the house. He also bought booze to keep at his house for his friends and he went on a date and he said that he had one beer. My sister is having a baby in one month and getting married next year and if he goes back to doing everything she will never speak to him again. I need some advice on how to talk to him about everything and how to say it as nice as possible without yelling. Because he has a temper and I don't think yelling helps at all but he needs to know that we both worked very hard and he can't just throw it all away. Some tips on what to say and maybe a good started conversation. Someone just help tell me what I can do or something please thank you sorry so long had to give a little info to know the situation a little bit

Barbara52

Welcome. You are taking on a lot that is not yours to own. By this I mean your father knows everything you think you need to tell him. He knows he is an alcoholic. He knows that if he drinks again he risks you, your siste, everything. He knows this already. Saying it to him again isn't likely to change what ever is going to happen. There are no magic words. Unfortunately.

What you can do is take care of yourself, understand alcoholism and learn how to deal with it in the way that is best for you. You cannot control what happens.

Your father may decide to drink again. He may never drink again. Either way only you father controls what he does.

Perhaps ask him to go to AA or some other continuing treatment/recovery program. But ask once. Nagging, pleading, begging don't help.

rudeawakening

Does he have a hobby, something he could get involved in. What does he like to do ?

I believe he is depressed, but more so lonely for companionship. I have a male friend that I have been trying to get to quit drinking, but refuses. I know he is lonely and has nothing to offer and has little chance of ever getting a desent woman, so he drinks.

Maybe you should get him involved with something to occupy his time..?

BohemiMamaof3

My Mom and I have had similar discussions about my abrother. And really it's a dilemma because no healthy woman would want to be with my abrother as he is now. My Mom thinks if he had a good woman to spur him on, or to spark some interest he would have more of a desire to snap out of it. I doubt that. He had some good girlfriends in the past and all he did was take advantage of them until they could no longer deal with his addiction. He is the only one who has the power to change himself, redirect his priorities and such. So, until he wants to get back into life and have good hobbies and healthy pursuits and friends, nothing can be done. I have tried to talk to him, I asked him if he missed surfing and wake-boarding and if he ever felt like doing it again(and any of the other hobbies he did before the alcohol and drugs overtook his life), and all he said was a gruff, grumpy, "No." He's a chef, and I ask him, to make small talk to try and engage him in conversation, "What's your favorite food to prepare?" "Nothing," he says grumpily. Now, he can turn on charm at times, but most of the time he acts and communicates in one syllable grunts. Only he can change that about himself, only he can get himself involved in good things.