Had the urge to drink today - but I DIDN'T!
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
Had the urge to drink today - but I DIDN'T!
I didn't really have an urge to drink, I had an urge to get plastered! I just wanted to "not feel anything" for a while. But since I was in a car and on a college campus and in a car again I didn't have the chance to give in. And when the urge hit me again, on the way home, I talked myself out of it!
I know just what caused it: taking kid to college and LEAVING HER THERE!! I missed her before we were even on the road home! I'll be bawling my eyes out tonight, I'm sure, but one thing I WON'T be doing is drinking. I care too much about my sobriety to ruin it. I just didn't know I'd feel her absence so strongly. I pride myself on being logical and sensible (most of the time) and I know logically that she's where she should be, where she WANTS to be, but my heart is missing her already!
But when the loneliness hits me again I will not drink over it. Besides which, my college kid is very proud of me for staying sober and I don't want to let her down. So yes, I had the urge a few times today to get numb, but even if I'd been at home I wouldn't have given in. I'm too pleased to be 43 days sober and won't wreck it.
The thought also hit me that if I'd given in I would have had to come on here and tell you all, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone here. I'm going to miss her terribly but am very proud of her for her dream of college finally being realized! She's worked very hard for the last four years to get to where she is today. I don't want to do anything to get in her way of achieving her dreams, and if I were to drink again, if I were to fall into that hole again, that would interfere with her peace of mind.
Thanks for listening to me. It's so hard to raise kids knowing that you're bringing them up to leave you one day... but that's how it's supposed to be.
:ghug
I know just what caused it: taking kid to college and LEAVING HER THERE!! I missed her before we were even on the road home! I'll be bawling my eyes out tonight, I'm sure, but one thing I WON'T be doing is drinking. I care too much about my sobriety to ruin it. I just didn't know I'd feel her absence so strongly. I pride myself on being logical and sensible (most of the time) and I know logically that she's where she should be, where she WANTS to be, but my heart is missing her already!
But when the loneliness hits me again I will not drink over it. Besides which, my college kid is very proud of me for staying sober and I don't want to let her down. So yes, I had the urge a few times today to get numb, but even if I'd been at home I wouldn't have given in. I'm too pleased to be 43 days sober and won't wreck it.
The thought also hit me that if I'd given in I would have had to come on here and tell you all, and I didn't want to disappoint anyone here. I'm going to miss her terribly but am very proud of her for her dream of college finally being realized! She's worked very hard for the last four years to get to where she is today. I don't want to do anything to get in her way of achieving her dreams, and if I were to drink again, if I were to fall into that hole again, that would interfere with her peace of mind.
Thanks for listening to me. It's so hard to raise kids knowing that you're bringing them up to leave you one day... but that's how it's supposed to be.
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 2,591
Least, your posts lately have been so full of strenght and determination, you have really inspired me.
You obviously did a wonderful job raising your daughter that she can do what she is doing now, you should be proud of yourself.
You obviously did a wonderful job raising your daughter that she can do what she is doing now, you should be proud of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
Congratulations to you and to your daughter! I'm so glad you didn't drink. I get a lot out of reading your posts. 43 days is fantastic! I wanted to drink today too, and didn't. But I'm on day three, I guess it's to be expected that I'll want to drink. I did splurge on a big order of fish and chips from down the road. Had it with a huge glass of milk. I feel so much better now that I know I'm not going to drink and the terrible urge has passed.
I also can relate to you missing your daughter. I have grown children that I miss a lot, too. You can talk on the phone and it will be so good to hear all the interesting things she's doing and watch her grow into a woman. And she'll come home to visit and find her mom sober and getting stronger every day. Hooray for both of you!!
I also can relate to you missing your daughter. I have grown children that I miss a lot, too. You can talk on the phone and it will be so good to hear all the interesting things she's doing and watch her grow into a woman. And she'll come home to visit and find her mom sober and getting stronger every day. Hooray for both of you!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Good job not drinking. Start working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous with a sponsor asap or trust me, sooner or later you will drink! I am 100% certain.
I just have to share my own experience because I would rather you learn from my mistakes than make your own painful ones!
I just have to share my own experience because I would rather you learn from my mistakes than make your own painful ones!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
(((((least))))) I am so happy for you! It's been amazing to read your story over the weeks and watch the progress you've made. Congrats, honey!
"Never give up, never surrender!" your sobriety! You've worked so hard for it!
Much love,
Lenina
"Never give up, never surrender!" your sobriety! You've worked so hard for it!
Much love,
Lenina
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Originally Posted by Jen042208 
Good job not drinking. Start working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous with a sponsor asap or trust me, sooner or later you will drink! I am 100% certain.
I just have to share my own experience because I would rather you learn from my mistakes than make your own painful ones!
I just have to share my own experience because I would rather you learn from my mistakes than make your own painful ones!
bona fido dog-lover
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
I"m not depending as much on AA as I was at first, but am doing my own 'inventory' and trying to keep a good balance in my life. I do appreciate your input, and realize it was given out of love and a desire not to see me fail later on down the road. I give careful thought to everyone's opinion and thoughts and really love you all for caring for me so much!
:ghug
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 128
well done for resisting the urge. I am so teary reading your post, because I have 3 little ones under 7 and I dread the day that they "fly the coup" or leave home to achieve their dreams because I know I will be a mess. I will be proud like you are that they are achieving what they want to but sad too that our little ones are so grown up. Its very bittersweet.
If I am stressed about something, I want to drink to calm me down, but I know I need to channel this into something else. Best wishes to you.
If I am stressed about something, I want to drink to calm me down, but I know I need to channel this into something else. Best wishes to you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Isn't it the darndest thing, Least - we spend years teaching our children what we can, so that they grow into healthy adults - and then we are lost when they actually leave! One thing I found though, is that your grown-up kids still want and need their Mom. And, your daughter is lucky to have a strong and sober Mom.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
I am very proud of you, Least! 
You have many reasons to be proud of yourself tonight. One, for being sober and able to send your daughter off to college with your sobriety under your belt. That is a gift that you have given yourself and your daughter. I know she is proud of you too!
And you got through this situation sober and this makes you stronger for the next thing you face in life.
I have a huge smile on my face right now! Way to go my friend!
You have many reasons to be proud of yourself tonight. One, for being sober and able to send your daughter off to college with your sobriety under your belt. That is a gift that you have given yourself and your daughter. I know she is proud of you too!
And you got through this situation sober and this makes you stronger for the next thing you face in life.
I have a huge smile on my face right now! Way to go my friend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 281
Congrats for being so strong 
I am going through the same thing. My eldest leaves this coming Monday and I have been a wreck, but I have also been drinking. Got drunk on Saturday and woke up Sunday thinking that was the last time and am now on day 3. Come Thursday is when my cravings will start. I will be sure to be on this site a lot and think of you and your strength.
((hugs to you)) I understand what you are going through, it is so hard to let go.
I am going through the same thing. My eldest leaves this coming Monday and I have been a wreck, but I have also been drinking. Got drunk on Saturday and woke up Sunday thinking that was the last time and am now on day 3. Come Thursday is when my cravings will start. I will be sure to be on this site a lot and think of you and your strength.((hugs to you)) I understand what you are going through, it is so hard to let go.
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