kingston

Good morning all - I thought I would post an update and let you all know how I'm doing. First of all thank you so much for all your kind words, wisdom and sharing, it's made the last few months so much easier.

So, I left AH two weeks ago after giving him a very clear boundary, get a job or I'm leaving. He hasn't been working for almost 4 years and was a "dry drunk". The deadline came and of course no job. I told him I was leaving, picked up a few clothes and told him I would pick up my other things later. Within a hour he was plastered and has stayed that way.

It's hard to see that he threw away nearly 4 years of sobriety. Upon reflection though I believe he was looking for an excuse/someone to blame so that in his mind he could start drinking. Now he can say to himself/anyone, I relapsed, I started drinking because K left me. He won't accept responsiblity for his actions. I fully accept that I did not cause this, I can't control it and I can't cure it. He's on his own. I pray he finds true recovery/sobriety.

I picked up my other things furniture etc and am storing them at a friends. I've been able to rent a cute little house 10 minutes away from work. It was in terrible condition, filthy and full of mold and garbage. My wonderful friends have spent days helping me fix it. We all had to wear masks because it was so foul inside. It has had a total face lift now as we have gutted it right to the walls - lucky for me I'm in design/construction! The landlord has given me free rent for 4 months and reduced rent for 18 months in exchange for this work and material.

I had a few rough days at the beginning. Being alone (I'm housesitting right now) gave me ample opportunity to reflect on my life, the relationship, letting go. All kinds of emotions both positive and negative. Reading SR daily (well 3 times plus a day) helped enormously. I've done a lot of walking here on the property with my dog Kingston, he's a great listener!

I now have a clear idea of where I am and where I am going. I'm putting my needs first. I'm looking for a sponsor to help with the steps and am looking forward to it.

I'm still in shock at how calm I feel - I don't miss the insanity at all and in fact I didn't know I had that much until it was gone.

Thank you all again - K

juju

You go girl!

Thanks for the hope that there is life out there!



juju

GiveLove

You're my new hero, Kingston!

Keep up the great growth. The world's wide open for you - use your walks to dream your dreams. (hugs to Kingston too)

Pajarito

I'm impressed. I am going to be moving out of a house I put a lot of sweat into for 7 years- much of it w/o STBXAH's help. It's always inspirational to me to know that some of us are capable of moving on and literally constructing/making our lives into what we want them to be. I am scared of all that goes with moving- especially in the horrible housing market- but, I know some day I'll have my own little, sweet place, and I'll put some sweat into it too. For me it's very therapeutic. I hope you'll keep posting on your progress. Take care.

peaceteach

I am so impressed with how you are EMBRACING change instead of letting fear of it keep you in an intolerable, self-defeating situation. It's as if I can "feel" your spirit soaring in the new house, and in the new life you are allowing yourself to create. Very inspiring!!!

kingston

Thanks everyone - for the most part I'm feeling very positive and excited - when the down feelings come, I let them come, feel them and let them go. Well for the most part they are gone and for the rest of the time, I fake it till I make it!

It's not easier but it sure is easier than living with the insanity. I'll keep on reading here and I've even started posting here and there!

Thanks again, K

PS Kingston says hi!

lilac

Good for you! You go girl:atv

Silverberry1331

YOU RULE!

TTOSBT

kingston,
Wow girl!!!
I can not tell you how happy your post made me. You are a beautiful example of taking care of yourself.
Good for you! It sounds like you and kingston are going to be just fine