Courage to Change ~ August 23 ~ Making Mistakes
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Courage to Change ~ August 23 ~ Making Mistakes
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 8/23
I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from the alcoholic—and eventually from myself. My self-esteem diminished because the slightest error felt huge and I couldn’t let it go. So I began to cover up and rationalize my mistakes, all the while desperately trying to maintain an appearance of perfect self-control.
In Al-Anon I learned to take down that rigid wall of seeming perfection, to honestly admit mistakes, and to open myself for growth. Step Ten, in which I continue taking my inventory and promptly admit when I am wrong, has been liberating because it challenges me daily to be honest. Sometimes it makes me squirm, but I know that when I tell the truth, I am free of the lies that held me back. As Mark Twain put it, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
Today’s Reminder
I will probably make a mistake of some sort every day of my life. If I view this as a personal failing or pretend that no mistakes have occurred, I make my life unmanageable. When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of guilt and shame. That is cause for rejoicing.
“Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start.”
Book of Common Prayer
I developed a tremendous fear of making mistakes. It seemed crucial to cover every possible outcome, because mistakes often led to an avalanche of accusations and abuse from the alcoholic—and eventually from myself. My self-esteem diminished because the slightest error felt huge and I couldn’t let it go. So I began to cover up and rationalize my mistakes, all the while desperately trying to maintain an appearance of perfect self-control.
In Al-Anon I learned to take down that rigid wall of seeming perfection, to honestly admit mistakes, and to open myself for growth. Step Ten, in which I continue taking my inventory and promptly admit when I am wrong, has been liberating because it challenges me daily to be honest. Sometimes it makes me squirm, but I know that when I tell the truth, I am free of the lies that held me back. As Mark Twain put it, “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.”
Today’s Reminder
I will probably make a mistake of some sort every day of my life. If I view this as a personal failing or pretend that no mistakes have occurred, I make my life unmanageable. When I stop struggling to be perfect and admit when I am wrong, I can let go of guilt and shame. That is cause for rejoicing.
“Help them to take failure, not as a measure of their worth, but as a chance for a new start.”
Book of Common Prayer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
In the alcoholic home, the mood swings were incredibly difficult to deal with. Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde switched roles with ease. One day a mistake might be laughed off or dealt with gently, the next day it would be the catalyst for raging anger and verbal (and maybe physical) assaults.
Covering up the mistakes seemed like a smart and safe thing to do... unless of course the A found out that there had been "a coverup". Then there was truly H*LL to pay. The children were always walking on egg shells - hoping and praying that today was one of Daddy's Happy Days.
Al Anon taught me to be gentle and forgiving of myself. I learned that I was going to make mistakes, so were my kids, and so was my A. Al Anon taught me that failure is an EVENT and not a person.
It took awhile, but we learned to become solution oriented people. Mistakes happen,and we can look at them, figure out what happened, and then figure out what to do differently in order to go forward. It's nice to get out of the blame game and into the solutions.
Covering up the mistakes seemed like a smart and safe thing to do... unless of course the A found out that there had been "a coverup". Then there was truly H*LL to pay. The children were always walking on egg shells - hoping and praying that today was one of Daddy's Happy Days.
Al Anon taught me to be gentle and forgiving of myself. I learned that I was going to make mistakes, so were my kids, and so was my A. Al Anon taught me that failure is an EVENT and not a person.
It took awhile, but we learned to become solution oriented people. Mistakes happen,and we can look at them, figure out what happened, and then figure out what to do differently in order to go forward. It's nice to get out of the blame game and into the solutions.
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