GreenEyedGirl39

Well, I had a better night last night with AH. We went to my son's "meet the teacher night for his kindergarten. Then we went and got a bite to eat at somewhere cheap (really cool chinese buffet, cheap for adults and kids eat for only a few bucks and the food is awesome. One of my great little finds.) Then, since we have been having so much rain here in TX lately, I forgot that I hadn't gotten my little boy a raincoat. I was looking for one of those little yellow kind with the boots. Looked everywhere and couldn't find it. Plenty of them for little girls (Hannah Montana, etc.) but not little boys. Whats up with that? Anyway, I ended up getting him an all weather jacket, kinda wind breaker/rain wear with a hood. Very cute and much more than I had anticipated on spending. But AH's check was coming today. So, I went to pay some bills, you know the ones with the turn off notices pending and we are wiped out. Now I am trying to figure out how to make a small amount of money stretch through until next Friday when I get paid.

So, here we go again, the proverbial anxiety attack. The knot in my stomach again. I feel like I am living in the depression era or something. AH and I watched TV together last night and there is still a strain. I did speak to him calmly last night and told him that I loved him and always will, but I would be a liar if I didn't tell him that I have been actively looking into a divorce. That I am weighing my options and that I was looking into roomates from the local paper to see what was being charged and/or offered to share expenses. I told him that even though I loved him, our family was way to dysfunctional and that if it didn't improve I would have to remove him from the home for the sake of our son. I know Dr.Phil is a schmuck about a lot of things, but I have heard him say this saying, "A child would rather be from a broken home than be living in one". And though it would rip the heart out of me to do it, I have to think what is best for my son.

So, sadness still lingers as the unknown still lingers. The finances suck and are as bad as ever. However, I do get to go to my therapist in a little bit. First session with her and I am looking forward to it. I really don't have the $20 to spare for the co-pay, but then again I don't think I have the sanity to spare either. I need healing. Also, I am looking forward to my Al-anon meeting on Saturday.

Well, that's my update for today. But the day is still early. Oh, by the way, AH was suppose to look into that Ju-Jitsu payment and getting out of it. He hasn't yet. Also, he was suppose to check into his expense report payment (before he went into rehab he paid his expense report and was suppose to be reimbursed $150 (which I desperately need). He hasn't. Just pisses me off. But I am not suprised. Like I have told him, I have lowered my expectations, that way you don't get let down. However, I think I am going to give him about a week to either fix that jujitsu thing or I am just going to stop the payment in my account through the bank.

IPT

I understand your struggles. It isn't easy. I think it is wise of you to look out for yourself and family by looking at your options. I also think he should know you are considering the divorce. It may or may not be the wake up call he needs, but either way you are looking out for you and being open and honest. Good luck and hang in there

greeteachday

This recovery thing isn't an overnight process for us either, but you should be very proud of the steps you are taking to protect yourself and your child. The inability to move forward and take responsibility is often a part of addict behavior. It always helped me to try to separate the loved one from the addiction. ...that way I was not taking it so personally. I wish it was as easy as addicts finding recoveyr just because they love someone, but sadly it isn't.

I'm glad you are working on your own recovery and leaving his to him. As far as the finances, trust that you will be provided for, but at the same time protect yourself in the event your husband relapses...whether with drugs or gambling or a spending spree.
i found in terms of expectations, that I had to drop them...they only hurt me. But that didn't mean that my addict was left to do whatever, whenever. If there were responsibiliites, I indicated, in order to ___(fill in the blank...live here, use my car, whatever) you will do your fair share by ___. If you do not, then I will be unable to...(allow you to live here, use my car, etc.) It took a while to learn to say it in a nonconfrontational manner and say it without sounding mean, but it helped. I just had to know that my role was to follow through since I had established the boundary.

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way

hello-kitty

Greeneyed girl, it really helped me to write down my boundaries so that I had something to focus on besides what my ex was doing. Have you done that? I found it therapeautic to have them written down so I could refer back to them when I started to feel anxious. It helped to know that I wasn't treading water in the same place. It helped me see that changes were happening in my life little by little - that I wasn't just stuck.