Heart Still Broken :(

Old 08-22-2008, 10:16 AM
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Heart Still Broken :(

Why do I feel this way still? WHY WHY WHY? I broke it off with my EXALBF months ago, going on a yr and even though he calls me, every month of so telling me that he loves me etc…… I stand my ground and do not go back to him. I do not even talk to him….. I do not understand why my heart still feels for him. He did me sooooooooo wrong, wronger then any other person I ever met. I used to in the beginning excuse his actions (well sort of) because he told me that he was sick and an alcoholic and that he really love me. However, all the years we spent together he would still lie, cheat etc…. Moreover, he never would marry me. He never would marry anyone he dated and he is 36 yrs old. I do not get it, so many other treads that I read all of them did marry their AL so, why does this one refuse to commit? Maybe he like the freedom and the cheating but at the same time, he will not let me fully go. (calls, emails etc) why? I know I should be so happy he is gone but I just wish he got sober instead……
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:22 AM
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Perhaps one reason you haven't healed yet is because your focus is still so strongly on him?
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:25 AM
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You have to let him go, hes not gunna get sober because you want him to, hes only gunna do it if HE wants to. Hes being selfish and only caring about himself if he is lying and cheating and then toying with your mind. There are many others out there for you, this one sounds like he would bring you down. You have to ignore his attempts to contact you and move on, eventually he'll stop, and eventually you'll find someone else. Its been done many times. Good luck
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:05 AM
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What constructive actions do you practice to be relieved of the pain?

For me, I:

Go to alanon meetings 4-6 times per week
Work with sponsor/sponsees
Pamper myself thru loving behaviors (nails, hair etc)
Reach out to others
Use God box
prayer/meditation

These work miracles for me.....

Have you tried al-anon? Youre not alone!
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Old 08-22-2008, 11:29 AM
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hbb
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I've been where you are at now. My exbf (non-alcoholic) cheated on me, left me for the girl he ultimately married. BUT he called me almost everyday and would say he loved me but wanted to be with her...WHAT??? Anyways, i allowed this to continue because i kept taking his calls in hopes that he would miss and want to be back with me after 5 years.

My suggestion would be to stop responding to his calls or emails. He's keeping you in the wings so you don't move on with your own life and get happy. Do what's best for you, cut the ties.
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Old 08-22-2008, 12:52 PM
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It took me a LONG time to get over my ex. Every time I felt lonely or bad about myself I would think about him. It was part of my need to feel loved and valued and I had given that power/responsibility to him. He was obviously not able to do that for me. It has taken me another year to realize that NO ONE can do that for me.

I never understood what "focus on me" meant. I think it means love yourself. Do you think of him all them time or only when you are feeling lonely or bad about yourself like I did? If so are there other things you can do to make yourself feel better? Yoga? friends? some people tried meetings, I never did, but others seem to really like them.

I guess I would start by asking myself - when do I start "missing him?"
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Old 08-22-2008, 01:10 PM
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Phone numbers can be changed and email can be set to send certain recipients to the trash bin

I'm currently in no contact mode with my toxic parents.

The email addresses are blocked, and I have no voice mail thankfully, so when I see the number on the caller ID, I just don't answer.

You can either wait for him to completely let go, or you can take action yourself.
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Old 08-22-2008, 01:32 PM
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Unhappy

I am not sure if I think about him when I feel bad or sad because it feels like I think about him a lot. Or things will remind me of him, like if I see the same car on the road or a song come's on. Or all the bad memories I have over his cheating.... Or like right now knowing it is Friday night, which I do have plans but I can remember when I would be with him tonight and all weekend. I do go out with friends and I read all the time, pray etc... I even talk to other men and go on a few dates but I can't let myself get close to them..... I have done a lot over these past months but the tie has not been fully broken. I do not take his calls, so he leaves a message. But I get so mad that he thinks he can still call me that I reply with a nasty email and then he replies back but then it ends until the next month when he will calls again sober or drunk and the same things happens I send an email. I need to stop that....Every time something bads happens to him he calls me sober and says he is done with drinking for good. Why does he call me and not the other women in his life? He keeps reminding me of him and I know that he is with other women, always has been. So to me if he has these other women why still bother me. If he did love me the way he claims then why does he not do anything to fix it all?

I am so mad right now that I still feel for this ass and talk about him. He told me he could not marry me because part of him said no. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN!!! Maybe it is the rejection that I can't get over. Or the fact that a messed up a** is doing the rejection.....But if he rejects me then why does he still want me?
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