For those with less than 2 weeks sober...Part 3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
For those with less than 2 weeks sober...Part 3
Glad to see newly sober members...
Here is the link to the last thread...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
Yes! you too can recover
Here is the link to the last thread...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
Yes! you too can recover
Last edited by CarolD; 08-22-2008 at 12:52 AM. Reason: Added Link
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Well here I am. Ignore everything I said before.
I am officially on day zero. I had a terrible day yesterday. Most people wont understand this but oh well. I love my pets. They aren't even pets to me, just furry roommates. I took in three rescue kids - three ferrets who came from a bad home. I looked after them, got bitten more than once, and eventually earned their love. Yesterday they were taken away. They never got along with my girl Pixel, who I have had since a kid. She has turned into a different ferret, screaming at anyone who gets near her. I though that I should re-home the rescues because it's unfair to Pixel. One of my boys, Arbie, needed to get desexed and so I took the girls to the vet as well to see if they might be candidates for rehoming. The vet said they were, and took them. I was bawling like a child in the clinic. There was a vet student there doing her on the job training and she was crying too, because of how upset I was. I asked the vet if I could take them home again and bring them back later - I didn't think they were going, I didn't think that I would never see them again. He told the vet nurse to set up a cage and wouldn't let me take them home for just one more week. These are my babies, I nursed them back from starvation. I didn't know this would be the last time I saw them. I didn't think he would take them. I asked him over and over "can I drop them off next week" and he ignored me and said "yes, but we'll put them on display tomorrow". I know it's "just animals" but I feel so shattered. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to spend goo one-on-one time with them. I was so upset I was hyperventalating on the drive home. And when the drive homeis 45 minutes on a country road that's not good. I know this is no excuse. I just don't want t feel this. I thought I was ok beccause yesterday I didn't pick up.
I miss them, I don't think I did the right thing. I know most people who read this will say "it's just an animal" but they are my babies. I feel like such a failure. I wanted to tell them sorry! Sorry I couldn't give you the home you deserve after being treated like crap. The change in them from when I got them to now was amazing. From scared, skinny animals to out going little babies. I just can't handle thinking of them sitting in a pet store waiting for some idiot who knows nothing about ferrets to pick them up and stick them in a cage. I think I did bad. I shouldn't have given them away, I wasn't ready to.
I am officially on day zero. I had a terrible day yesterday. Most people wont understand this but oh well. I love my pets. They aren't even pets to me, just furry roommates. I took in three rescue kids - three ferrets who came from a bad home. I looked after them, got bitten more than once, and eventually earned their love. Yesterday they were taken away. They never got along with my girl Pixel, who I have had since a kid. She has turned into a different ferret, screaming at anyone who gets near her. I though that I should re-home the rescues because it's unfair to Pixel. One of my boys, Arbie, needed to get desexed and so I took the girls to the vet as well to see if they might be candidates for rehoming. The vet said they were, and took them. I was bawling like a child in the clinic. There was a vet student there doing her on the job training and she was crying too, because of how upset I was. I asked the vet if I could take them home again and bring them back later - I didn't think they were going, I didn't think that I would never see them again. He told the vet nurse to set up a cage and wouldn't let me take them home for just one more week. These are my babies, I nursed them back from starvation. I didn't know this would be the last time I saw them. I didn't think he would take them. I asked him over and over "can I drop them off next week" and he ignored me and said "yes, but we'll put them on display tomorrow". I know it's "just animals" but I feel so shattered. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to spend goo one-on-one time with them. I was so upset I was hyperventalating on the drive home. And when the drive homeis 45 minutes on a country road that's not good. I know this is no excuse. I just don't want t feel this. I thought I was ok beccause yesterday I didn't pick up.
I miss them, I don't think I did the right thing. I know most people who read this will say "it's just an animal" but they are my babies. I feel like such a failure. I wanted to tell them sorry! Sorry I couldn't give you the home you deserve after being treated like crap. The change in them from when I got them to now was amazing. From scared, skinny animals to out going little babies. I just can't handle thinking of them sitting in a pet store waiting for some idiot who knows nothing about ferrets to pick them up and stick them in a cage. I think I did bad. I shouldn't have given them away, I wasn't ready to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I'm sorry FD I really am, but I'm not sure it was such a bad idea to try rehoming. Doesn't sound like you could keep them, and the vet will see they go to good homes - there must be an animal version of the Hippocratic oath He probably thought it was best for both you and the babies to to do that right away.
As for drinking...well - I debated whether to say this or not, but it needs to be said here - in fact you said it yourself You're right. There is simply not a good enough reason for us to try and deal with crap by doing something that is harmful to us. It makes no sense.
Bawl your eyes out, scream into your pillow, run until you drop, come here to SR and read, post, call a friend....do anything but drink.
I do understand - I have been there - I had a guinea pig die - she was more than a pet, she was a friend - she died in my arms - and...I just wanted not to feel that day.
I got horrendously drunk, but I didn't feel better. Nothing makes you feel better. That's why we feel sad, why we grieve for heaven's sake. I drank, but I still grieved for a long time after anyway.
Sometimes we face really really tough things and the reasons and excuses we have to drink seem like really good ones- but that doesn't make drinking right.
We all have to learn to face life and it's troubles without drinking, and sadly, there just is no good time to start that. It's always gonna be hard, it's always gonna suck for a while - there'll always be something, big or small.
Start again FD - I know you want to - tomorrows a new day and I hope you feel a little better by the time you read this
D
He probably thought it was best for both you and the babies to to do that right away.As for drinking...well - I debated whether to say this or not, but it needs to be said here - in fact you said it yourself
I know this is no excuse.
Bawl your eyes out, scream into your pillow, run until you drop, come here to SR and read, post, call a friend....do anything but drink.
I do understand - I have been there - I had a guinea pig die - she was more than a pet, she was a friend - she died in my arms - and...I just wanted not to feel that day.
I got horrendously drunk, but I didn't feel better. Nothing makes you feel better. That's why we feel sad, why we grieve for heaven's sake. I drank, but I still grieved for a long time after anyway.
Sometimes we face really really tough things and the reasons and excuses we have to drink seem like really good ones- but that doesn't make drinking right.
We all have to learn to face life and it's troubles without drinking, and sadly, there just is no good time to start that. It's always gonna be hard, it's always gonna suck for a while - there'll always be something, big or small.
Start again FD - I know you want to - tomorrows a new day and I hope you feel a little better by the time you read this
D
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
Forever - If most people reading this say "they were just animals," then they've never loved and lost a pet/family members. They add so much to our lives and to me the joy they give is worth the heartbreak we endure when we no longer have their company. I have ALWAYS had a pet of some kind in my life and can't imagine life without them. I am so SORRY for what you had to endure. Next time you will find another way of working through those emotions. That's part of our growth in sobriety is dealing with life without a glass in hand. We face the emotions head on.
Again, I am very sorry. Hugs and nothing but love for you Forever!! Thank God they had time with such a tender soul.
Again, I am very sorry. Hugs and nothing but love for you Forever!! Thank God they had time with such a tender soul.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Thank you.
Thank you all so much. Tomorrow is anew day. I learnt a lot tonight. I;m going to start a thread about it - but I spoke to my dad tonight. I told him. And he's an alcoholic too. I never knew. I'm going to try that much harder from now on. If my dad - my hero - can be an alcoholic and become sober - I can too.
Thank you all so much. Tomorrow is anew day. I learnt a lot tonight. I;m going to start a thread about it - but I spoke to my dad tonight. I told him. And he's an alcoholic too. I never knew. I'm going to try that much harder from now on. If my dad - my hero - can be an alcoholic and become sober - I can too.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Just posting agan because I'm reading these posts again and I ned to say thank you again. Thank you all.
Somehow you're posts make me feel good about being upset, but at the same time not feel bad about feeling bad. I need to practice that. I know I want to be sober and the fact that you guys know it too - it just feels great. Like I have a friend in this battle for the first time. I'm ready. I'm suited up. Sober life - here I come!
Somehow you're posts make me feel good about being upset, but at the same time not feel bad about feeling bad. I need to practice that. I know I want to be sober and the fact that you guys know it too - it just feels great. Like I have a friend in this battle for the first time. I'm ready. I'm suited up. Sober life - here I come!
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
((FOREVER)) My wonderful kindred spirit of the furbabies. It's tough. I've been where you are so many times doing rescue work for many years. The ones that stick closest to the heart are the ones you have to work the hardest at to get them well again. Those are the tough ones to let go for whatever reason, but especially when you had hoped to make them an always part of your family. My last two fert-babies...my little girls...Roo and Chibi. I couldn't watch another two die. I've done that with 7 already and couldn't do it again. Roo was showing signs of adrenal disease. It broke my heart into a million peices, but the woman who took them, she was able to treat her disease better than I since surgery was not an option for that old little girl and the melatonin injections were not available to me.
I wish we could have talked yesterday. We could have done so for hours...and I would hope you would not have felt the need to make it numb.
I had a bad day, too. My brakes had gone out in rush hour traffic. Only by the grace of something higher did no one get hurt...and no one died. We could have talked, hon.
I'm also less than two weeks clean...so I'm so glad I checked this thread. Since one week ago today was the last day I used...and I know you can do it again, too.
P.S...that's Roo in my av...
I wish we could have talked yesterday. We could have done so for hours...and I would hope you would not have felt the need to make it numb.
I had a bad day, too. My brakes had gone out in rush hour traffic. Only by the grace of something higher did no one get hurt...and no one died. We could have talked, hon.
I'm also less than two weeks clean...so I'm so glad I checked this thread. Since one week ago today was the last day I used...and I know you can do it again, too.
P.S...that's Roo in my av...
Last edited by whiskerkissed; 08-22-2008 at 07:13 AM.
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Originally Posted by ForeverDecember 
I'm a bit too emotional to reply at the moment.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 482
Originally Posted by whiskerkissed
JUST DON'T PICK UP!! Enjoy the emotions those sweet babies can invoke on you and let it fill you up!! There's nothing like that knd of love...(((HUGS)))
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Oooo..how funny! I call it the "weasel war dance"!! I also had a couple of waggers! I had a clear tube they would chase each other into and a newcomer I too kin happened to be a wagger who would thump his tail so hard in there. Only two others caught onto the wagging and it was so cute when they were nose to nose with each one wagging from the arse!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,733
I don't know anything about ferrets. I know they are cute but I do know a love for animals and I don't think it's silly. I've cried, hicupped and bawled over losing some of my pets. They add so much to our lives, give us unconditional love and cheer us and to lose that is so sad. Big hugs Forever December. You still have Pixel to cheer you on as you retackle sobriety. Try try again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
i saw a picture of some ferrets once and they look so cool. maybe it was the right thing to get rid of your ferrets, but it just doesn't feel good because it hurts to have to let them go. I pray they will have a new loving and caring owner soon
AS for me.
I read all the ending posts of the last chronic relapsers under 2 weeks and could really relate to the difficulties of TRYINGTOOHARD. because that is right where i am at....before i read her post this morning i was thinking of writing about the very same thing. every time i've come here for the last week i'm reporting that it's another day 1 for me. kind've frustrating and embarassing to be doing this...........but
on the positive side i've experience the unlimited compassion and empathy in this thread and the whole SR site for "relapse". it would be a great example for AA to have this kind of understanding. who else should understand the difficulties of addiction better than an alcholic/addict? who else should have more empathy? Who else should not feel as if they are better than someone who is down and in the midst of addiction?
well maybe a priest or something but that's about all I can think of!!
thanks to everyone, those enjoying clean time and those struggling just like me. I feel welcome here and I welcom anyone who is in the midst of their pain but still has that small hope of seeing that tiny light at the end of the tunnel.
AS for me.
I read all the ending posts of the last chronic relapsers under 2 weeks and could really relate to the difficulties of TRYINGTOOHARD. because that is right where i am at....before i read her post this morning i was thinking of writing about the very same thing. every time i've come here for the last week i'm reporting that it's another day 1 for me. kind've frustrating and embarassing to be doing this...........but
on the positive side i've experience the unlimited compassion and empathy in this thread and the whole SR site for "relapse". it would be a great example for AA to have this kind of understanding. who else should understand the difficulties of addiction better than an alcholic/addict? who else should have more empathy? Who else should not feel as if they are better than someone who is down and in the midst of addiction?
well maybe a priest or something but that's about all I can think of!!
thanks to everyone, those enjoying clean time and those struggling just like me. I feel welcome here and I welcom anyone who is in the midst of their pain but still has that small hope of seeing that tiny light at the end of the tunnel.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 23
11:54 almost the end of day two.
Friday night almost killed me, i'm just so accustomed to drinking myself to death on fridays and saturdays. Still, my last attempt was only 6 days so I don't have much more to go to beat that!
Friday night almost killed me, i'm just so accustomed to drinking myself to death on fridays and saturdays. Still, my last attempt was only 6 days so I don't have much more to go to beat that!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
To anyone struggling... I've finally decided to stay sober after so many many false starts and relapses. But if a chronic relapser like me can make it this far, so can anyone. You just 'gotta wanna', that's all.
I am finding that with each sober day I'm getting stronger and more determined to stick to it. So never give up! Never!! Keep trying til you get it right!
:ghug
I am finding that with each sober day I'm getting stronger and more determined to stick to it. So never give up! Never!! Keep trying til you get it right!
:ghug
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,340
Carol, thank you for taking "chronically" out of the thread title
As it gets later I'm feeling the urge to drink more. My palms are sweaty. This sucks! I have the house to myself tonight. I could just get drunk. But just a few days ago SO poured out a nearly full bottle of bombay saphire gin and 5 bottles of beer AND a big bottle of wine to make the house alcohol free. If I crack I will have betrayed his trust. AND my mom AND SR. I should have just kept my mouth shut, that way I would only be betraying myself!
As it gets later I'm feeling the urge to drink more. My palms are sweaty. This sucks! I have the house to myself tonight. I could just get drunk. But just a few days ago SO poured out a nearly full bottle of bombay saphire gin and 5 bottles of beer AND a big bottle of wine to make the house alcohol free. If I crack I will have betrayed his trust. AND my mom AND SR. I should have just kept my mouth shut, that way I would only be betraying myself!
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