My Acceptance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
My Acceptance
I know that nothing I say or do will ever change him. No matter how much I try to explain how irrational and manipulative he is behaving, he will never “get it”. I will never be able to illustrate to him how far in denial he is, even though he’ll freely admit he’s an alcoholic. This is a discovery he has to make on his own, if and when he is ready.
I will stop trying. I will not engage in arguments about who did what to whom, whose actions caused who to do what, or who said what to whom. They are futile and attempts only to control the other person through guilt, shame, and intimidation.
I refuse to accept his anger, his attempts at guilt, his attempts to minimize, criticize, manipulate, or intimidate. The silent treatment, the passive aggressive comments, the flat out rudeness and insults will go in one ear and out the other. I will no longer feel the need to justify myself or my actions, to him or anyone else. I will, out of consideration and respect, explain my motivations if I feel it’s deserved, but will not look for acceptance or approval of my decisions from anyone but me. If I make a mistake, I will apologize, forgive myself, and move on.
And, who am I to say that any of this is true? Maybe my perception of the situation is off. But you know what? It really doesn’t matter. What matters is what I feel; that I do not deserve any of it, and I refuse to let it affect me, and by doing so I am making it clear that it is not ok to treat me this way. The only thing I can do is live my life and treat all people the way I want to be treated. If someone wants to treat me poorly, they will not experience the love, compassion, and kindness I have to offer.
I will continue to seek my own recovery, and rely on my new friends here and in Al-Anon to keep me strong when the going gets tough. They will remind me when my willpower gets low, when my resolve is shrinking, and give me the strength I need to carry on.
I feel like a door is opening. The door to awareness, self-respect, and self-love. It scares me, but I’m going to walk through it. I may stumble along the way, but I will continue to move forward.
juju
I will stop trying. I will not engage in arguments about who did what to whom, whose actions caused who to do what, or who said what to whom. They are futile and attempts only to control the other person through guilt, shame, and intimidation.
I refuse to accept his anger, his attempts at guilt, his attempts to minimize, criticize, manipulate, or intimidate. The silent treatment, the passive aggressive comments, the flat out rudeness and insults will go in one ear and out the other. I will no longer feel the need to justify myself or my actions, to him or anyone else. I will, out of consideration and respect, explain my motivations if I feel it’s deserved, but will not look for acceptance or approval of my decisions from anyone but me. If I make a mistake, I will apologize, forgive myself, and move on.
And, who am I to say that any of this is true? Maybe my perception of the situation is off. But you know what? It really doesn’t matter. What matters is what I feel; that I do not deserve any of it, and I refuse to let it affect me, and by doing so I am making it clear that it is not ok to treat me this way. The only thing I can do is live my life and treat all people the way I want to be treated. If someone wants to treat me poorly, they will not experience the love, compassion, and kindness I have to offer.
I will continue to seek my own recovery, and rely on my new friends here and in Al-Anon to keep me strong when the going gets tough. They will remind me when my willpower gets low, when my resolve is shrinking, and give me the strength I need to carry on.
I feel like a door is opening. The door to awareness, self-respect, and self-love. It scares me, but I’m going to walk through it. I may stumble along the way, but I will continue to move forward.
juju
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Juju--
Thank YOU! What a great and inspiring poet!
This is just beautiful:
The only thing I can do is live my life and treat all people the way I want to be treated. If someone wants to treat me poorly, they will not experience the love, compassion, and kindness I have to offer.
Peace,
B.
Thank YOU! What a great and inspiring poet!
This is just beautiful:
The only thing I can do is live my life and treat all people the way I want to be treated. If someone wants to treat me poorly, they will not experience the love, compassion, and kindness I have to offer.
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sunny Fla
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by juju 
I feel like a door is opening. The door to awareness, self-respect, and self-love. It scares me, but I’m going to walk through it. I may stumble along the way, but I will continue to move forward.
juju
Hooray for you! What an inspiring post.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
You're on your way to what you want and how you want to live your life.
You understand that change can begin with you and you don't have to wait for someone else to change because that is not something you have control over.
Way to reclaim your life and move to a more joyful way to live.
You understand that change can begin with you and you don't have to wait for someone else to change because that is not something you have control over.
Way to reclaim your life and move to a more joyful way to live.
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