Brian

I have tried to quit so many times that I can't count. I wake up every morning telling myself that I am not going to drink today and by the time lunch gets there I have convinced myself to wait until tomorrow to start again. The longest I have ever made it is 11 days, I think. But this time I can't even get started on day one again. I tried rehab for a week and that gave me a head start and was also when I made it my 11 days.

I am a young guy, 27, and it's not the fear of losing all my friends, most of them aren't really there anymore any way, I just keep telling myself that I will do it later. The problem is I've been saying that for probably 5 years. I get drunk everynight, by myself 95% of the time, and don't really know anything else anymore. I've tried AA and I've never really felt a connection when I go to the meetings. Don't get me wrong the people are great, it just doesn't feel right for me.

I just don't want to drink anymore, but up to this point in my life it has been completely unattainable. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, I just want some help in making it through those first couple hours at home after work tomorrow and then I can bug you all again when that time comes.

TryingSoHard

Hi Brian,

First of all, welcome to SR! I think you'll find a lot of support and encouragement here, and you'll learn quickly that we understand how you feel and what you're going through.

I could have written those first few sentences. I can wake up SO DETERMINED to not drink, and then by 3:00 I'm already plotting and planning when I can start drinking - if I haven't started already. Nothing even has to HAPPEN... my willpower just deteriorates, and my mind starts wandering and suddenly drinking is a better idea than not drinking again.

Saying you want to quit is a great start. Coming here for help and support is another part of that great start.

We will be happy to help you get through as many hours as you need help getting through. I've only been a part of SR for a little over a week, and I can not believe how openly and lovingly everyone here has taken me in.

Keep reading and keep posting.

Horselover

What is your current routine? Change it. Do something other then what you did to get you to your first drink. If you normally drove to the store and bought the booze, go a different route home. If you normally came home and poured yourself a drink, get rid of all booze in the home and buy some fruit juice. My favorite is cranberry juice and lemon lime soda. It takes a lot of work, but recovery is worth it. If AA isn't your cup of tea, find something else that will teach you how others have what you want. SR is a great place to start. You can do it Bri, but it takes change. Good luck and glad you came here. Hope to hear from you each and every sober day. Remember its sometimes day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. The cravings will pass and you just have to find out what works for you during those times of cravings.

Anna

Hi Brian,

Welcome!

And, you CAN do it. You need to work hard at it and you need to really want it, but you can do it.

What worked for me in the early days, was to change my routines and my daily patterns. Drive home from work a different way, go out for a long walk after dinner, sign up for a course - anything that changes your normal routine should be a help to you.

Aysha

You CAN stop...How bad do you WANT to though?

Find a program. Something to occupy you during those few hours you need help with.
A week in rehab isnt really anything. Although it is a good start. You need to maintain your recovery.

Brian

I want it so bad. The problem is that when things start to go good again is when I really tell myself that I can wait till later. And then when bad things start to happen again my anxiety level gets so damn high that I tell myself to just get through this funk because there is no way I can quit with all this anxiety. I have watched myself go through these cycles so many times that it is sickening.

Two weeks ago I received my first DUI, which was well deserved. The problem is that besides that things are going really good right now. I understand that sounds really stupid, but my anxiety has been very good lately, my money is looking better than it has in a while, and I have confidence in myself about everything but my drinking.

There have been times where I have been extremely low, to the point where I have questioned my value. I realize that I need to quit now before things start downard spiraling again, mentally, emotionally, financially, etc. and I drink myself out of another funk.

Horselover

"Two weeks ago I received my first DUI, which was well deserved. The problem is that besides that things are going really good right now. I understand that sounds really stupid, but my anxiety has been very good lately, my money is looking better than it has in a while, and I have confidence in myself about everything but my drinking."

Those 2 things stuck out to me, but if they aren't reasons enough for you to stop then you won't Bri. It all comes from you. SR can help, changing your routine can help, but if you don't believe you are an alcoholic and that you can't drink alcohol then nothing will stop you. Its a progressive disease and believe me when I tell you it does progress. I started out with drinking on the weekends, and it gradually became after work a few nights a week and then every night. I was never a true daytime drinker. I never got a D.U.I. I would, however, someday reach that point if I continued on the same road. I took the fork. Keep posting Brian and keep reading. If you want it badly enough you can do it. As I tell my 5 year old, "You can do anything if you're determined enough."

Anna

Well, it's a fact that alcoholism is a progressive disease.

It will get worse, if it isn't stopped.

I hope that you decide to stop now and please know that you are not alone.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Brian! You will get as much support here as you want. I would suggest that you go to your doctor and be honest with him/her about your drinking and see if they can give you some medical help. There are meds out there designed to help with cravings and there's no need to go through it all on your own. Keep coming here and reading and posting. We're here for you!

SlvrMag

That sounds familiar to me! I would tell myself "I have way too much work to do this week to quit now, I'll have to wait til work slows down a bit". Then work slowed down and I would find ANOTHER reason why I "couldn't" quit then. It never ends-until YOU make it end!

Isaiah

How are you with writing? Does the idea of a journal make you cringe?

Something to think about, you say that each time you decide to quit you inevitably decide to put it off. Suppose you try to describe your frame of mind when you make the decision "today is not a good" day. Just write why it's wrong and why it'd be better to post-pone. Then I would suggest re-reading these regularly.

Think of it as sketching out the cycles so you can see them all at once.

Eclipse

Welcome, we all are going through the same thing. I keep saying, Next week...especially when it is toward the end of the week, cuz I know its summer and I'm gonna want to drink over the weekend. But as I have been told before...what if this is the time that something really goes wrong and there is no repairing it. I have slowed down and haven't been drunk in over a week, but I am still drinking and who knows what will trigger the next drunk and who knows what will happen...

nogard

Welcome to SR Brian, its hard but possible, using is just so natural for us. Try some programs and find one taht suits you, see a counsellor ... there are many ways to stay stopped.

Kevin

Pinkcuda

Your drinking sounds like mine. Every day and always alone. My life centered around drinking to the point that even going to check the mail was a drinking event. Everything had to change.
The thing that helped me is that I started to focus (and force myself to focus) on the things that I had been missing all along and disregarding the things I was missing by not drinking.
Make no mistake. I spent hours pacing the floor because I was totally lost without alcohol. Today my life is better because I stood up and said "My name is Karl and I'm an Alcoholic" and meant it.

spudida

Brian: I know that "today I will quit" that comes when you first open your eyes. and I know the "ok tomorrow" that comes when I'm driving home from work and almost pass "the store".

I'm on day 5 and counting. keep trying...you'll make it

bostonluv

Brian - Yes! Please "bug" us tomorrow night and post as much as you'd like. Please please bug away. WELCOME. We've all been in your shoes one way or another. There are also plenty of us that are your age, younger and older. It doesn't matter. A problem is a problem, it doesn't discriminate by age. You don't have to be alone.

Jig

Hi Brian and welcome,

Stick around mate and keep on posting.

CarolD

The key for me was
I had to want to quit
more than I wanted to drink

Welcome to our recovery community...

least

Brian, I'm using Carol's words as a mantra: I want to stay sober more than I want to drink. Until I realized that simple fact I couldn't stay sober very long. But I'm glad I finally reached my 'bottom' before something really awful happened.

You can stop drinking. Just take it one day at a time! You can do this!

:ghug3

Rella927

Welcome Brian! A lot of great things said above so I just want to say hello and glad that you joined us!

If you are here on this site you must want to stop and with that said please stick around and know that you are not alone-This is a very informative site with a wealth of information and support! Glad you joined us