Relationships and Codie recovery?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bend OR
Posts: 197
Relationships and Codie recovery?
I know that AA and other recovery help says you should abstain from relationships during a specified amount of time during your recovery.
Do you think the same goes for us codies?
Yes I know you are thinking "NeedHelp?! What the heck?!" But there is someone who is trying to take me out and I like him and he is a wonderful person......
I just don't know if it's too soon.....like way too soon??
Anyway, just a question.
Do you think the same goes for us codies?
Yes I know you are thinking "NeedHelp?! What the heck?!" But there is someone who is trying to take me out and I like him and he is a wonderful person......
I just don't know if it's too soon.....like way too soon??
Anyway, just a question.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
For me, yes, it would be way too soon. And I've left xAH more than a year ago.
I knew when my marriage broke up and I started understanding I am codependent that I had to take the time necessary to understand me before I could get involved with someone else because otherwise I would repeat my past relationship mistakes. IMO its a mistake to go from one relationship to another without self examination. Without that self examination, I do not get the chance to understand why I chose badly, what are my own issues. If I would jump right into dating, I would be very likely to choose badly again and end up right back in misery yet again.
Now that I am beginning to understand why I was attracted to an alcoholic, why I thought it was no big deal and I could handle it, why I thought I had to be in a committed relationship before I hit 50, why my childhood and alcoholic parents are still effecting me in my 50s, and all the rest, maybe, someday in the future I may get into another relationship. It will have a better chance of lasting because I have taken a time out to look inside me and correct or deal with my own issues. I will not repeat the same errors, ignore the same red flags, settle for less than I deserve. I have come to love myself and know in my gut that I am a person worthy of love and acceptance as I am. I know I deserve so much more than what I had settle for before.
I knew when my marriage broke up and I started understanding I am codependent that I had to take the time necessary to understand me before I could get involved with someone else because otherwise I would repeat my past relationship mistakes. IMO its a mistake to go from one relationship to another without self examination. Without that self examination, I do not get the chance to understand why I chose badly, what are my own issues. If I would jump right into dating, I would be very likely to choose badly again and end up right back in misery yet again.
Now that I am beginning to understand why I was attracted to an alcoholic, why I thought it was no big deal and I could handle it, why I thought I had to be in a committed relationship before I hit 50, why my childhood and alcoholic parents are still effecting me in my 50s, and all the rest, maybe, someday in the future I may get into another relationship. It will have a better chance of lasting because I have taken a time out to look inside me and correct or deal with my own issues. I will not repeat the same errors, ignore the same red flags, settle for less than I deserve. I have come to love myself and know in my gut that I am a person worthy of love and acceptance as I am. I know I deserve so much more than what I had settle for before.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bend OR
Posts: 197
Damn.
Hahahaha. I will say though that he is very nice and he recommended reading Co-Dependant No More. Apparently his mom just got done reading the book and I was asking him the same questions she was - so he recommended it! Weird....
Fine. We'll be friends.
Ha.
Hahahaha. I will say though that he is very nice and he recommended reading Co-Dependant No More. Apparently his mom just got done reading the book and I was asking him the same questions she was - so he recommended it! Weird....
Fine. We'll be friends.
Ha.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by NeedHelp81 
Fine. We'll be friends.
Ha.
Ha.
L
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Posts: 284
Great idea. The great thing is you thought and asked for advice before jumping in. Any progress is great. I must agree with the previous posts. Understanding and knowing yourself is the best way to procede. I would ask myself "he sounds great now, but what about later?" You can't change others, only yourself. Take care and keep up the great work. LOL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Uh Oh -- Why is his mom reading Co-dependent No More?? Is he an alcoholic/addict??
;-)
Y'know NeedHelp it's not like you work and work on yourself and then there's some kind of graduation ceremony and you're ready to face all the attractions and perils of life as a recovered healthy person.
Recovery is more like a life-long commitment to improving yourself and your life - to discovering who you are, what you really want in life, why you do what you do, how to be the best person you can be, how to handle difficulty and success-- how to be in the moment and still make good decisions -- it is not easy but it is totally worth it!!!
The thing that people are cautioned against in the first year or so of recovery is that an intense relationship will often be an unhealthy distraction and even a barrier to getting healthy.
Based on your posts here, you're probably going to be looking for a healthier partner somewhere down the line--and unless we work on ourselves - REALLY work on changing, we will attract the same person over and over - just different names and shapes....
Peace-
B.
;-)
Y'know NeedHelp it's not like you work and work on yourself and then there's some kind of graduation ceremony and you're ready to face all the attractions and perils of life as a recovered healthy person.
Recovery is more like a life-long commitment to improving yourself and your life - to discovering who you are, what you really want in life, why you do what you do, how to be the best person you can be, how to handle difficulty and success-- how to be in the moment and still make good decisions -- it is not easy but it is totally worth it!!!
The thing that people are cautioned against in the first year or so of recovery is that an intense relationship will often be an unhealthy distraction and even a barrier to getting healthy.
Based on your posts here, you're probably going to be looking for a healthier partner somewhere down the line--and unless we work on ourselves - REALLY work on changing, we will attract the same person over and over - just different names and shapes....
Peace-
B.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Bend OR
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by Bernadette
Uh Oh -- Why is his mom reading Co-dependent No More?? Is he an alcoholic/addict??
;-)
Y'know NeedHelp it's not like you work and work on yourself and then there's some kind of graduation ceremony and you're ready to face all the attractions and perils of life as a recovered healthy person.
Recovery is more like a life-long commitment to improving yourself and your life - to discovering who you are, what you really want in life, why you do what you do, how to be the best person you can be, how to handle difficulty and success-- how to be in the moment and still make good decisions -- it is not easy but it is totally worth it!!!
The thing that people are cautioned against in the first year or so of recovery is that an intense relationship will often be an unhealthy distraction and even a barrier to getting healthy.
Based on your posts here, you're probably going to be looking for a healthier partner somewhere down the line--and unless we work on ourselves - REALLY work on changing, we will attract the same person over and over - just different names and shapes....
Peace-
B.
;-)
Y'know NeedHelp it's not like you work and work on yourself and then there's some kind of graduation ceremony and you're ready to face all the attractions and perils of life as a recovered healthy person.
Recovery is more like a life-long commitment to improving yourself and your life - to discovering who you are, what you really want in life, why you do what you do, how to be the best person you can be, how to handle difficulty and success-- how to be in the moment and still make good decisions -- it is not easy but it is totally worth it!!!
The thing that people are cautioned against in the first year or so of recovery is that an intense relationship will often be an unhealthy distraction and even a barrier to getting healthy.
Based on your posts here, you're probably going to be looking for a healthier partner somewhere down the line--and unless we work on ourselves - REALLY work on changing, we will attract the same person over and over - just different names and shapes....
Peace-
B.
Ummm.......Uh Oh -- Why is his mom reading Co-dependent No More?? Is he an alcoholic/addict??.....
He is a recovering pill popper. I know - I already got over it!
Hehehe. I am SMARTER than this darnet!
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