lostgirl89

so, today is day 40...and I dont feel anybetter....infact today sucks...Im freaking depressed....I dont feel like wasting the air to breath...im tired....tired of the fight...tired of everything...business is bad....I have to make some decisions very soon,.... close the doors??? get a real job????? win the lotto??? the "roommate" and I need to figure out what we are going to do....cause It aint working for either one of us....I cant make the panic attacks go away...ughhhhhhh
Im saving up the money to pay my fee to start my diversion for my duii...then I can have my little " evaluation" too see what kind of treatment I need....
sorry to vent...I just dont know what to do with myself right now...so if you wasted your time reading this Im sorry....You guys are just all I have right now...I probably need to go to a meeting...but wednesdays and thursdays are hard for me to get to...
Im going to go wallow in my self pity now...
xoxoxo Rach

adore79

Just do whatever you need to do, and let things fall into place on their own. I'm sorry that it is not getting better, but at least you are sober, and that is huge! Maybe that camper by the river would be a good idea Rach? It does sound fun really. Thinking of you. :ghug3

tommyk

"I probably need to go to a meeting...but wednesdays and thursdays are hard for me to get to..."

Probably(?).

Were Wednesdays & Thursdays 'hard for you to get to' when you were drinking?

No joke: protect your sobriety or your problems will REALLY escalate.

You can manage your problems now, you want trouble that you cannot handle, just add alcohol.

(Make a gratitude list. Realize how well off you are right now.)

Aysha

Never be sorry for getting things off your mind. Better that than using.

At least you are sober to be able to deal wth these things.
You already know it would be even more of a mess if you used.

I dont really have any words of wisdom.
Just know you can rant..vent..whatever anytime.

Hope you feel better.
40 days is great.
Keep it up.

deezaldog

Day 40 is great. Things may seem bad for now but if you were drinking would it be better/worse? I was told any excuse is a bad excuse for missing a meeting. I went to mtgs like I drank, every day. Nothing stopped me from drinking so nothing should keep me from a mtg. I know it feels bad now, I have been there. But hang in there cause it really does get better. Rant/vent all you want, just don't drink!

Dee74

hey lost girl...I know it sucks, but I don't think we can't change our life in a week, or a month, not even 40 days.

I've said this before, but one of the things I had to learn in recovery was patience - we have to learn, and to accept, that the days of immediate self gratification are over. That takes a while.

Our bodies and minds are still healing at 40 days as well.

This recovery thing takes focus, effort, and some time. All the best things do

D

XanaKat

I'm sorry Rachel - sometimes life really sucks, believe me, we have ALLLL been there. You should be really proud of what you have accomplished in these 40 days, that is HUGE. I have been feeling really depressed, tired, negative as well, just BLAH, but then I think well it would be that MUCH more worse if I drank. Vent away girl - scream yell WHATEVER you need to do Loves to you Rach

Rowan

Good advice above. Don't drink, no matter what. And stay in today as best you can. That's all that any of us has got.