blessed4x

Did anyone else see Dr. Phil yesterday? I don't normally watch, but my sister called and said it was about alcoholism, so I did. I kept saying to myself that my AH wasn't that bad because he never smashed his face in a steering wheel like the lady on the show.......then I had this horrific thought. He DID smash his head through the windshield when he ran into a cement wall over 15 years ago (because he was changing the radio station/couldn't have been because he blew twice the legal limit *eyes rolled*). He had so many "normal" years in between then and now that I had completely blocked that from my memory. I sat there watching and tried to justify every single thing he has done as "not as bad". Why is it that comparing like that makes it "better"? I guess the only good news is that this time I am aware of what I do.......maybe I am learning a thing or two.

BohemiMamaof3

Step 1. We admitted....

Alanon helps. The books, the stickies on this forum help. Honesty helps.
(((hugs to Blessedx4)))

cagefree

It was so easy for me to rationalize everything XABF did and put a "but..." after each horrible thing he would say to me...but he was tired, but he was hungry, but he hadn't had a smoke...

and I thought he was the only one in massive denial about a problem!

Lilyflower

Me too, I rationalised a lot. One time when I decided to tell him to get out and he attacked me for money, I rationalised the punch in the head he gave me because I had kicked out at him trying to get him off me. If I hadn't had kicked out, and hurt him, I wouldn't have gotten that punch.

Complete and utter madness. That is all I can think to describe it, complete MADNESS and very strong denial.

I was so blinded by my 'love' for him and my willingness to believe I was so in the wrong that I turned many occasions around in my head.

Thank goodness I hit my bottom and found SR!!!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx