Startingover2

Ah came by yesterday for his short visit with baby. It was really nice. Just like old times. Laughing, talking etc. We were talking about his upcoming DUI court date and what may happen. I actually felt myself start to feel sorry for him. It was nice sitting here watching him rock baby to sleep. I felt bad after he left knowing those papers are coming probably next week for custody and child support.

Right after AH left I had to go to my moms. I have to drive right by OW's parents home on my way. OW has been there alot lately as her dad is really ill and of course she was there. Guess who was also there? YEP! My AH!

The jackass left here and went right over there. It looked like he was looking for something in the back of his truck so maybe he was working on something for them, but who cares! He was there.

All the hurt feelings came flooding back. All the times I wanted to believe him that it was done. Lately, the times when I think AH is sorry for all the crap he has put us through and how lonely he is! BS! He is still the same man trying to burn both ends of the candle.

Last night he sent his usual text: You and my sweetheart sleep good. Love you.

Oh, he makes me sick!

Lizziesd

As much as it sounds bad to say this, you have to remember the negatives about them. You have to remember all the bad things that went on. If you do that, then you know its done and over with and that you and your family do deserve better. It's hard! I know. I am going through it, but when nostalgia sets in and I want to cry because I think I miss him....I change my thoughts and remember the standoffish, procrastinator, cant find things because I am drunk person. Good lucK

respektingme

Wow, so he thinks he's got it all figured out. Looks like he has written his own script for what he needs in life to make himself happy. Sorry to say, but I think his plan is going to bite him big time later.

On to you. So glad you are writing your own plan. A plan for serenity, renewed vision, sanity, happiness, less drama, etc. YOU will be in control of your own serenity. No more surpriseeeee honey, I'm drunk again moments. No more wondering about the OW. You'll have new relations and hopefully much healthier relationships down the road. And when you get to that point, you'll look back and remember why you did what you did, and you'll be glad that you did.

sailorjohn

The universe is taking care of you, you start to have those feelings and it shows you immediately that it's all an alcoholic fantasy. Whether or not you buy into it is up to you. :ghug3

Pajarito

Iiissshh- as we say up here in MN. That makes my skin crawl. It's so easy to get nostalgic- as Lizzie said. It's a huge mind f%$& if you ask me- not just your situation- just everything about dealing with addiction. I'm glad you got to see him there- it's hard- but it smacks you right back into reality. Take care- it sounds like you are doing what you need to for yourself and dd.

theotherone

...those are the real AHA moments!

Startingover2

It truly was an AHA moment.

I have been ignoring his ILY texts and he finally asked what was wrong. I wasn't going to reply but I just said I saw him at OW's parents and it brought back the pain and hurt. He said he was there doing something for her mom. Then went on to say I was going to be a lonely woman because I make things up in my head.

Hmmm....was it all in my head that you are a drunk? Was it all in my head that you have been having an affair for the past year when I was pregnant and kept telling me she was just your friend?

JustMeInWI

((((startingover2)))) Do you journal? I found that so many times my AH would tell me I made so many things up in my head, or made mountains out of mole-hills. Now that I journal things he does/says, I can always look back and see it clearly, in ink, exactly what happened, and then I know I'm not losing my mind. He's SUCH a manipulator!

Keep doing what you need and what's right for you. Stand strong - we're all standing here with you!!!

ToughChoices

Sounds like he always has an answer - it's just rarely (if ever) the truth.

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her ABF.
No contact on her part - he texted "I love you's" and "I'm sober's" everyday.

She went over to their old apartment while he was out of town on business to pick up some of her clothes and books and found empty liquor bottles, condom wrappers, and women's underwear all over the apartment.
She was livid.
She broke down and called him to tell him how hurt she was. Why would he say that he loved her and then behave this way? She wanted to tell him that he was a liar and a sleaze.

His response?
How dare she accuse him?! They weren't HIS condoms, bottles, thongs, etc... Someone must have broken in!

After months of strength she called me to see if I thought she was crazy - maybe someone DID break-in!

Trust your gut.
It's not worth my time to talk to people who can't tell me the truth.

-TC

Silverberry1331

I am sorry you are hurting. Don't buy into the garbage about you being a lonely woman. You are doing what you need to to strengthen yourself and give your child the life that the baby deserves. Divine guidance led you past that house at the perfect time. Just imagine what you could have gotten sucked back into if you let your heart run wild! We are surrounding you and the baby with love and prayers

bookwyrm

The one liner that I've read on the forum many times - 'play the tape all the way through'. It helps to remember the bad times as well as the good - throw away those rose tinted glasses! Though it does sound as if you're being strong.