lovtolaff

He starts calling...then when I don't answer he comes by. He wants me to give "us" another chance. If I take him back he swears "I won't drink another drop". Whatever.

This is hard. I love him but I know in my heart that we can never work. He is manipulating me again. Saying all the right things.

He waited almost 2 months to contact me - and I can't for the life of me just not care about what has went on during those 2 months. I've heard stories and of course he denies everything. I never once contacted him during that time - and now here he is...wanting me back.

I've told him that he can NOT stop drinking for anyone other than himself...but he insists on doing it for "us". However, I'm pretty sure he is still drinking as we speak. God forbid he work on himself if I don't take him back. Sheesh.

I'm going to be honest here - I really, really thought that I wanted him to call and beg me to come back - just so I could say no. But now - I wish he wouldn't have even started. It just brings back the hurt.

I'm standing strong but it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Send all of your "GO GIRL" vibes my way. I need them.

LaTeeDa

He's had two months to "not drink another drop." It sounds to me like he's running out of options. I hate to say it, but it seems like they always come back whenever it's not working out as well as they thought it would.

Here's a "YOU GO GIRL!' for ya. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

L

mizztake33

Go Girl!!!! This is such a hard thing to do. You are right - no one can be the cause of anyone drinking and no one can stop someone from drinking. The only thing that we can control is ourselves - our emotions, our actions and our reactions to others.

No one can tell you what course to take with this - I recommend thinking about this and talking this over with your higher power. If you go to Al-Anon, maybe go and share for support.

My AH has told me so many times that he won't drink, it will be different, etc. I am waiting for this day . . . I know how you feel.

Good luck -- Go Girl!!

Lizziesd

I am afraid that the same thing will happen to me in 2 mos! I been reading these posts and its very common for them to come back after an absence. Feel free to read over my thread on dating an alcoholic. I got great feedback there pertaining to what you are going through. The main thing is that an alcoholic will not give us the future that we want. They are not capable of forming a healthy, strong relationship with anyone, until they get clean. Please read these posts. You are in a crucial time to alter the course of your life. If you marry him and he doesnt change, you will have bigger heart aches down the line because you will have kids involved with his illness, etc. Good luck

lovtolaff

I guess living in the hotel isn't as fun as it was when he first moved out huh? I have a nice house, a great job and a nice life and he wants back in - but I know from experience that eventually he gets "bored" with the "normalcy" of my life and my friends. It happened last time.

My life has been SO different since I broke up with him. At first, yes I was devastated to lose him. But as time goes on I've been getting out and doing things that I couldn't do with him for fear of him getting drunk and ruining everything. I got so tired of making excuses for his behavior. Well guess what? I don't have to excuse anyone's behavior these days and it feels great.

I just have to be strong and the next time he just "stops by" tell him that the answer is a FIRM, UNCHANGEABLE NO. He had his chance - actually he had tons of chances over the 2 years we were together. I'm done.

Barbara52

Just keep remembering this! Stay strong and don't fall for the manipulative crap.

Don't forget that if he shows up at your door, you can close that door in his face. Or call the police if necessary. You do not have to have contact with anyone you do not want to.

kelly381

Is 2 months the magic number or something!?! My xabf has been contacting me about once a week for 2 months then all of a sudden he has to SEE me. I actually agreed to go to lunch with him. Fortunately there was a couple days in between the convo and the 'date' and I called it off. I was making my self crazy with the 'what if's' So, here I sit, talking to you fine people, instead of making a BIG mistake.
I have tried the no contact...he has initiated all contact since he left. Yes, he left. For another woman he met in his sober living house (?) He now says he's rethinking that...but he's still very much with her.

My xh (with whom I'm friendly) said that my xbf will be back 'after 2 months and he realizes I am the most stable of his 'friends' and I have to be ready for that and deal with it accordingly.
My xabf is not drinking at the moment. He's been clean since Jan 1. He's been to rehab and is now in a sober living house. He seems to be doing very well...even considering his new 'forbidden love'. I'm actually surprised they didn't get kicked out yet. But that's not my concern. This is his 4th round in rehab...the 3rd was a year ago. He seems to be escilating.

I was just wondering what it is about 2 months?

nancydal

Hi - I just broke up with a guy who is a supposedly recovered gambler and alcoholic. We only dated for about two months - problem was, I haven't dated in a long time, am very rusty with dating, and a little naive...

All I know is, the guy I was seeing claimed that he was recovered for 8 years from alcoholism and gambling, but that he was doing the ARC Salvation Army program in the Southside of Pittsburgh because he knew someone there who would let him stay there...Does that make sense? He claims that he fell off of a roof last year, fell into some financial hard times, and opted for this. I just don't buy it.

He never had money, I always had to go and see him, and when I started to confront him, he pretty much said he had to talk to his sponsor and he needed time - even though we maybe saw each other once a week. I am so confused, mad at myself for not being smarter, and just not feeling so good about any of this. He threw the words 'I love you' around so loosley and quickly too. Any feedback?

Reality

Hi Nancy....why dont you post your info into a new thread, so this thread doesnt get focuesed elsewhere, and others will be better able to see your thread and reply.

Good luck!!

nancydal

Um, how do I post a new thread? I've never done it before. I'll see if there's a help guide on here - thanks for the tip....

JustMeInWI

lovtolaff: Keep this at the front of your mind! You are finding PEACE and HAPPINESS!

You know, if you think future visits or calls would be too hard on you emotionally/mentally you could always have a restraining order put on him. Then you have others who are not emotionally involved able to help you out.

Keep loving you and taking care of you!!! (((lovtolaff)))

LaTeeDa

There is a "New Thread" button in the upper left of the page.