TryingSoHard

Please, pray for me.

nogard

Sure Tying will do.

Tell us whats going on?

Kevin

1963comet

Will do.

TryingSoHard

I actually was trying when I made my original post but for some reason it cut off

I don't know how to explain it. I drank some vodka and diet coke before everyone got home tonight. I can usually control my behavior when I do that... but apparently tonight I couldn't. My husband got suspicious. He confronted me. (I've never told him about my drinking problem)

He wanted to know what was wrong with me. He thought I was on drugs. I told him I wasn't... I don't think he believed me. I finally told him it was alcohol. He asked what, I said vodka.

I'm afraid of what is to come next. The kids are still up so it will be a couple of hours still before we hash it all out. I want to just die.

I want to just not deal with it.

He won't understand.

I don't know what to do.

TryingSoHard

I am so scared.

nogard

I try to keep it to talking rather than arguing.

Keep posting here and talk to other friends if you can, particulary any in recovery.

Kevin

TryingSoHard

Please help me. I'm so very scared.

TryingSoHard

Tonight is going to be the night that my husband and best friend find out about my problem. I know no one else in recovery. I am so very alone, and I feel that no one will understand my problem. I am so afraid that they will both reject me.

colagirl

Hey trying,
One question... do you feel like you are safe?
Praying for you...

nogard

your not alone, we understand. Maybe pick the time and place you want to talk about it.

Kevin

TryingSoHard

Safe how?

He won't physically abuse me, if that's what you mean. But emotionally safe?? I have no idea. I honestly don't. That's why I haven't told him before now.

I dread the rest of tonight.

TryingSoHard

Thank you, Kevin. I will probably take you up on this once tonight is over.

Anna

Hi Trying,

I am so sorry that you're really scared right now.

I think it's really hard for others to understand what we go through and how hard we try. I desparately wanted my husband and kids to understand how I had gotten the way that I had. And, they didn't want to hear it. They wanted me to get better. That's all.

I hope your husband and you can calmly discuss things tonight. Try to breathe and relax and keep posting.

nobingealready

Hi TSH,
I am thinking of you, and I hope that everything works out ok. I am sure it's terrifying, but just speak your truth in a calm manner. Revealing something like this for the first time is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. But, once you do, I wouldn't be surprised if some part of you feels relieved, because hiding it puts such a strain on a person. You may also end up surprised by their reaction, maybe it won't be as bad as you think. Sometimes our minds want to rush to imagine the worst possible outcome. in any case be strong and know that you are doing right by you (and in turn, your family too). Sending you good thoughts and let us know what happens--noba

angie9

Hi trying so hard Ive being there but my hsuband did get physical because he got so angry with me. Hopefully even tho hes angry he will talk theres not much you can do at the moment maybe suggest that you both talk about it tomorrow. All the best

least

I hope you are safe, no matter what. I will pray for you!

:ghug3

Ananda

I think I get it....sorta feels like the world just fell out from under you?

For me, the world was teetering for a long time before it fell. As scarry as it was it was almost a relief to have the cave in over and begin to pick up the peices that were left and move on.

Not feeling safe is the one thing I truley cant stand.

Just remember we are all here and I'm sorry you don't have someone with you to hold you and help you through this. I sure wish I could be with you!

Daddio

Hey Trying. How are you doing? You are not alone on this site. Least, ColaGirl and I so far have your six with the prayers. If you need to talk, let it out - or PM.

ForeverDecember

Trying - I'm sorry you are feeling scared.

I agree with what other people have said - keep it a talk, not a fight. Maybe once the kids are in bed you should instigate the conversation. Tell him you need to talk to him, and explain that you are an alcoholic and that you want to stop. Tell him that you are trying to get support (from SR for example) and maybe see if he is interested in going to meetings with you (if you are in a program that holds meetings, or if you are planning to join one). Tell him how much you really want to stop drinking.

I hope he is supportive of you, and that tomorrow is "day one" for you.

Hugs and good thoughts your way.

colagirl

Yes, that's what I meant. I agree that it might be a good idea to wait a little bit until everything calms down, if possible. Will it help if you tell him you're already making an effort to get better? What if you tell him you really need his support?

I know it's scary... I've never told anyone I'm an alcoholic either so I know where you're coming from. But since it's out now, maybe it will turn out for the best. Like Ananda said, sometimes the waiting for all hell to break loose is worse than when it actually happens. I wish you the best, come back and let us know how it goes.