cem001

Well, as normal my weekend was just as it has been in the past. My RAH stayed in bed all weekend long, getting up long enough to only eat, and use the restroom. I stayed busy this weekend, doing the laundry that had piled up, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping. I finally had enough yesterday afternoon and went to our room and calmy asked him if he wanted to end this 21 years of marriage. I know you are asking me why the hell is she "asking". (I can hear it now) I told him that after doing MUCH soul searching I felt that the marriage was "dead". I am going through the routine of being married without a partner.


The realization of not wanting to be here scares me. He's all I have ever known. We were married when I was 17, had our first child when I was 21 and now that child is 17 and a senior is high school.

I love this man with all my heart, I just am not IN love with him anymore. I feel that I deserve more out of a relationship. WE have been through a lot as a couple, as most everyone else who lives or have lived with an alcoholic does. I truely believed that he was my soul mate, that my world would fall apart if we weren't together. I don't feel that way anymore.

I guess I am just growing up. Maybe thinking for myself for once.

Barbara52

{hugs} I am sorry you are going thru this. The realization that your marriage is dead must feel awful. It took me a long time to admit that to myself. But once I did I began to feel better. I no longer felt the obligation to fake it. And now that I am out of it and divorced, I am at peace with myself and enjoying life again. The pain does lessen. We can heal.

Pajarito

I had weekends like that cem001. I could run circles around stbxah- and wondered why I was expending so much energy- and not just physical energy. I spent a lot of emotional energy on him as well. I'm now working on why- and trying very hard to use all that energy for myself. It's hard to shift focus, but I am finding that life is getting better with each day.

blessed4x

I am having that same realization, and it's very painful. A couple weeks ago we were having dinner, all 6 of us there at the same time, which is rare. We laughing until we cried at the little one's (ages 4 and 5) "knock-knock" jokes. Afterward I realized I hadn't laughed like that in months, nor have I since. How sad that my children are being raised in a home where laughter and family times are not the norm. I am determined to change that for them, and for myself.

Saliena

I don't know what to say. I have been married two months.. but I have known my husband for 10 years. I realized this weekend that my drinking was going to destroy us and our marriage.. That is why I am here. All I can really say to you is "HUGS" and I hope it gets better for you. I really really do.

Saliena