LouLou629

I am on four days sober Feeling really positive..but one thing is still giving me anxiety, curious if anyone else has been through this: I will consciously think/remember something, but I can distinguish wether it was a dream I had even a long time ago possibly , or something that happened when I was drunk that I am remembering...These " memories" dont always consist of bad happenings but sometimes when I recal them , what I am remembering , if it really did happen , would be very embarassing and even almost outlandish and impossible to really have happened, yet the pure fact I am having the thought freaks me out - even if I logicaly know it couldnt have happened- It drives me crazy sometimes. My dreams ofetn play out like a typical day with a few weird twists and when clean and sober I wake up knowing it was just a dream..but when I am going throughout my day and some strange random fuzzy " memory/dream" comes to mind..I cant help but wonder where its coming from..I spent many a drunken stooper blacked out- I fear that I sometimes may be remembering a blackout..or is it just a dream...?? AAHHHHHH ..Anyone else ever go through this

Bamboozle

Well, there you go.

I can't say the same happens for me, but the mind is a strange thing. Perhaps this is a temporary effect due to abstaining? Your mind is going through change right now and maybe it's cleaning house. Any random garbage is probably getting thrown out. You mentioned that these daydreams (was it real dreams, too?...[I'm tired]...) were potentially embarrassing if they were actually true. Maybe it's just fear lurking in your mind...I don't know. I'm probably talking out of my a$$ right now. Sorry.

Maybe every time you find yourself having these thoughts (I know, nearly impossible to control while asleep) you can think of something that makes you feel good about yourself. You know, kind of training your brain to let go of the B.S. Take it easy.


P.S.--Oh yeah, by the way, if you are having actual hallucinations you probably should see someone who can help you and disregard everything I just said.

bostonluv

Yes! Try not to over analyze this. I too feel guilty for no reason. I wake up mornings with knots in my stomach for days at a time somedays. A feeling of dread almost. I know it's part of who I am. I don't have to do anything wrong to feel guilty.

I don't think it's tied to your blackouts personally. I think cognitive therapy would help you. Say outloud, that was dream. I didn't do that. I have nothing to feel badly about. I'm looking ahead and not behind me.

Anyway, it helps me to talk to myself even though you may feel a little ridiculous at first. Someone here gives herself hugs. You're probably searching for something to make yourself feel badly without realizing you're doing it.

Congrats on your 4 days btw LouLou!

IO Storm

I spent many a drunken stooper blacked out- I fear that I sometimes may be remembering a blackout..or is it just a dream...?? AAHHHHHH ..Anyone else ever go through this


Yep. Black out drinker....

You said the dreams you awaken with...are outlandish..impossible to

occur in real life. Okay. There you go.

But..during the day.."fuzzy memory/dream" images come into your mind.

The way I explained mine were like picking up pieces of a mirror and

being able to "see" just a tiny little splinter of something I had done,

felt, or had been done to me. It usually still brought me to incomprehensible

demoralization. Time after time after time..I can so relate!

So? At 4 days...yes..Boston is right..let it go for now...

Be good to yourself...be gentle...your mind is not. You take charge of it.

You must. These days are critical for you.

Rest. Take it easy...do not worry about anything except staying sober.

Things will resolve themselves...

Sobriety is the priority for now.



Blessings

Jig

My first couple of weeks without alcohol were very similar to what you are describing Loulou.

After years of blackout drinking I suppose that there has to be a period of transition before the brain and nervous system begin to adjust. In my case I found that time away from alcohol helped me to shake off the worst of it. I'm still not 100% but I've only stopped drinking just over a month ago myself.

Congratulations on four days and keep going mate.

LouLou629

Hello friends...working on day ten sober today! Havent been on in a few days but have been going to a few meetings...Thanks for the stories, and it makes me feel better to know I am not alone..as always i love you guys thanks for reading

Bamboozle

Hey LouLou, that's great! :bounce

TryingSoHard

Congrats LouLou!!!!

Toomutch

Glad you're feeling better

yorkshireman

Day 3 for me...

I've had a really strange experience today and I don't know if it's my body detoxing or my mind playing tricks on me.

I'll try and explain...

I had a lovely traditional Sunday dinner at home and was sitting on the sofa afterwards listening to Neil Young when my heart suddenly started going at what felt like 500bpm and I felt like I was dreaming while awake (if that makes sense), so I decided to take the dogs out on the field. I honestly can't remember where we went and who we met. I felt so detached from reality it was like I was dead and looking down on myself. I tried to explain to my partner how I felt and she must have thought I was insane. The truth is, I can't explain properly what was going on.

I have had this feeling of detachment once before about a year ago, again while trying to quit drinking. It's like I'm living a parallel life while still being aware of what's happening in reality. Really freaky. The nearest I can equate it to is tripping.

I think today I have discovered that I am an alcoholic and that I know I will beat this disease. Even if I do feel like I'm losing my mind along the way.

LouLou629

Okay, I know what you mean...I have that happen and its like I am having an out of body experience...then I freak out because I feel like I dont "return" to my body and normal sense of self for even days sometimes....I keep spacing out and have trouble staying focused..I fear that I am on the verge of some horrible blackout memory surfacing or something when it happens..like something I have been supressing is about to re surface..yet it never has...I go throught this as well when I am newly sober but not always..although it doesnt happen very often I have experienced it.....Best of luck to you on your third day...stay strong..I had to write on a peice of paper in big black marker : DO NOT DRINK: It makes you crazy, and you NEVER EVER feel good about yourself after...You want to feel good..SOBER IS GOOD! I am rooting for you ..I am only on day 12