justsomegirl

So here I am telling myself not to get at him when he gets home tonight. I am tired of fighting. I always tell myself, don't let him know your upset, don't let him know he has that much power over you, act like you don't care that he has been out and not come home yet, that he will be driving home after drinking all evening, that i don't care that I have knowbody to talk to about my day. JUST DON"T CARE.
Why can't I do that?

Abundance

I wish I knew the answer to that. I tried for a very short time... I can say not very long at all and I had my fill. I can not do it..... I would let him see it and feel completely weak and stupid. So I would go to my room and cry or I would leave and go to an al-anon meeting. (or have plans for one the next day!).. OR I would play my music loud so that I could drown myself in tears and lyrics and music.

It sucks...... it TOTALLY sucks.

But don't take my advice that - that is the right thing to do , unless you are okay with him going without a fight. Cause that is what my guy did... he got up and went without a fight. He couldn't handle my emotional drunk!

Jack A$$

IPT

Because it's hard. REal hard. I've been getting better because I have read a lot here. I am starting to realize that she can do what she wants to (and will in fact) and if I don't like I need to move on. I also learned that my getting mad and giving her a hard time about it just became an excuse for her to not come home ("I was scared", or "you upset me and I wasn't ready to come home"). Free party time for her, and she didn't even have to admit it was because of her. It was my fault because I "made" her do it (not). The I felt guilty!! What a mess.

I am at the point now where I get sad, and even upset, but it is driving me closer and closer to just saying "this is not the life I want, nor a "relationship" and I can't do it anymore". I never realized how much of an enabler I really was.

MAybe the best thing for you to do is get out of there. Stay at a hotel even - or a friends. Then you are taking care of yourself. You'll also give him something to think about. Actions speak louder than words

Hang in there.

lizw

How about taking advantage of the fact they aren't coming home?

Have a long bubble bath. Cook your favourite food every night. Invite friends for dinner. Rent your fav movie. Go to bed with fantastic book and a bag of chips. Go see a film at the movies.

They either won't or can't be there for you BUT
YOU CAN BE THERE FOR YOU.

imallright

Because you do care and you want what is good for you. When that doesn't happen, it hurts. The disappointment. You want to fight and get made because you still believe that the relationship can get better... and maybe it can, maybe it can't. BUT, what can get better is you. Take care of you. Go easy on you. Do something for you. If you can't find someone to talk to, come here. That's what I did.

I know that I still want a life with people actually in my home that care about me, but in the meantime I have to get healthy and reach out. Keep coming here. It works. Smile

baxter

When I was still married to my AH I used to do the same thing. I found out the more I concentrated on not getting upset - not let it get to me - the more I worked myself into a frantic state and couldn't stop.

I worked hard at finding other things to pass my evenings with, it took awhile, but it got to the point of when my ex finally did show up I found it annoying and that he was ruining my pleasant evenings. I would resent his intrusion. It was like I was having such a nice time til you showed up.

After a time of me not getting upset when he came home it drove him crazy knowing that I could care less if he was there or not. He started coming home earlier and earlier just to see what I was doing and then that started to drive me crazy since he was now ruining my peace even earlier in the day. Guess that was one of my major steps in finding myself and I liked who I was.

Good luck. Stay cool if you can.

justsomegirl

Thank you for all your posts.