So bitter

Old 08-13-2008, 05:30 PM
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gns
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So bitter

I am so angry that nothing in my life seems to be going well.

Work is tough because I feel like I don't belong. The house I bought with my ex and lived in for 4 months has not sold for almost 2 years now!! I am barely making it paycheck to paycheck (trying to save some for closing costs) and working very hard in the process. My sister is not so available for me because of baby and family, my friends are around but not enough, and I haven't been able to lose the same 8 pounds (I have a small frame, 8 pounds means - clothes don't fit and I have a poncho belly!) for the last 3 months despite working out 3-4 days a week and eating better!!!!

I am so angry and bitter and sad and lonely and feel so abandoned by my higher power - who seems to have forgotten about me!!!!

I forgot to mention I haven't really had a relationship in 2 years, meanwhile ex is living with someone - so my personal life sucks eggs, too!

Last edited by gns; 08-13-2008 at 05:55 PM.
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Old 08-13-2008, 05:48 PM
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My personal experience is when I have had periods in my life like you describe, my higher power didn't move away from me, but rather I moved away from him.

When I am not right with self, and switch over to looking to outside sources to fill my 'needs', I end up being a bottomless pit, and an angry one at that.
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Old 08-13-2008, 06:57 PM
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In my experience, life truly does suck sometimes, but more often, it's my perception of it that sucks. I put my own personal spin on things and how I spin it determines how I feel about it.

You could be grateful that you ARE making it paycheck to paycheck and not bankrupt. You could be grateful that you ONLY have 8 lbs. to lose. You could be thrilled that your sister has a baby on the way, even though it means she is LESS available. And you could be grateful that you HAVEN'T gotten involved with an emotionally unavailable partner while you take the time to work on yourself.

When I am feeling angry, I sometimes don't know why. Many times I have posted here or written in my journal for days--even weeks--before I can identify the real source of my anger and then take action to work on it.

Keep up the good work you have been doing, gns. It will pay off when you least expect it.

L
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Old 08-13-2008, 06:58 PM
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Perhaps it time to try some new things. With the house, if you don't stand to lose much equity, there are a number of ways to step away and not be penalized. With the job dissatisfaction, start looking for something better. Change the work out routine since sometimes our bodies just get "stuck" when doing the same routine for a long time.

I know this rough patch feels like its endless. I know we can slip into feeling like God is not paying attention to our needs. But this too shall pass. And perhaps it's that you are listening to what God is offering. {hugs]
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:15 PM
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gns
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Thank you LaTeeDa, Freedom, and Barbara. I think you are right that I can and should be grateful and look for what my HP IS showing me and try to change my perception (workin' on it - not done)

Thank you for listening, and for making me step back and re-evaluate. You guys are awesome!

Thank you!
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:19 PM
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Everyone here has such great words of wisdom and advice.
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Old 08-13-2008, 08:57 PM
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Sorry to hear you're down in the dumps.

May happier times be just a day away !!
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Old 08-14-2008, 04:42 AM
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One day at a time. Nothing changes unless you change it. These are some frequent sayings we hear around here, and could probably apply to your situation as well. Plus I like the post about perception.

Here's a funny one. I had cancer a few years ago. I had my last annual CT scan in April of last year. It came back fine. It must have been paranoia, but I have been thinking about this ache in my right rib cage for the last 12 months. Was convinced my cancer was back and had moved to my liver. I've laid in bed worried and obsessed with it for many nights and mornings. I just got my ct results back from my most recent scan. I'm clean again. I was healthy all along. In my mind, I was not. Perception indeed has much to do with our happiness.

Also, I think about some of the people in my life who I'm drawn to the most and try to figure out what it is about them that draws people in. They don't talk much about themselves, but they ask me so many questions and want to talk about my stuff. They look me in the eye and it's as if nobody else is around. When I meet new people, I have to force myself to remember it's not about me. I love the line in Get Shorty when Uma Thurman asks John Travolta something like, "Does he listen to you or is he just waiting for his turn to talk again?".

Anyway, when I practice some of the tools I've learned (which seem to come naturally to others), I can make others feel at ease and smile. That creates a nice situation to come back to, say if you were to sign up for a yoga class, or a photography class, or join a book club or a new Sunday school class for singles. Also, there's a website, Use the Internet to get off the Internet! - Meetup.com where you can find out where people meet in your city for all different things they have in common, pets, food, hobbies, singles, etc.

Good luck. I know you feel like you are stuck, but you can unstick yourself!
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:42 AM
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Respeckting me, I am very glad that everything turned out well!!
My mom had breast cancer- it is a scary disease.
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:10 AM
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I had cancer on my appendix. Was really odd that my doctor even found it during a completely separate procedure. He just took one last look before closing me up and thought it look bigger and redder than it should be so he took it out.

Technically, my cancer was gone before I was even told I had it. But that set off another major surgery to see if it had spread to lymph nodes and to remove several inches of intestines that may have spread to (which it thankfully did not), lots of MRI's, CT scans, blood work, doctor visits. Lots of worry, worry and more worry. Countless tears, sleepless nights, knots in stomach, fear, etc.

My problem was gone from my body before it ever became a huge problem in my mind. I thought I was a goner. I'm such a scaredy cat. Perception is indeed a big issue for some, lol. Me especially.
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:17 AM
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Wow...Respektingme, no wonder you come across as such a survivor! You've had alot to deal with and have done remarkably well. I always think of the quote from Olympia Dukakis in Steel Magnolias "What doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger." I guess that pertains to all aspect of our lives. Glad to hear your latest positive results!

gns...this too shall pass. Just like Respekting me said "you can unstick yourself"...you've done it before!
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