Reddmax

This is soooo weird. So the W gets hammered last night, and as usual when hammered, if she's in a good mood, she wants physical attention.

As we're starting she says "Are you sure you're drug and disease free".

Now that knocks you for a loop. That's what people ask on personal ads.

<shakes head>

She's playing a very dangerous game and could kill me. I've got to get out.

Redd

miss communicat

Remember, it takes 2 to play that game Redd. She's not going to be able to play that game if you don't join her.

Its been time to get out now for a while. Do yuo have an immediate plan? Are you moving out? Or just removing yourself temporarily?

Good luck!

dolphingal1971

When I first read what she said, that sounds like what you would ask someone that you just met in a bar before getting busy. I'm sorry but that may have been said to hurt you into making you think that she has been promiscuous. I'm sorry that was said to you. :sorry

Barbara52

The biggest question remains just how long are you going to stay and put up with all this? What are you going to do?

LaTeeDa

It seems you are constantly trying to figure out why she does this or that, why she says this or that, why oh why?

I found my energy was better spent trying to figure out why I accepted abuse, why I was willing to settle for scraps of affection now and then, why I didn't believe I deserved more, why I was afraid of letting go...............etc, etc, etc.

When I was trying to figure him out, I didn't have to look at my own behavior. But, once I started to figure myself out, even though it was uncomfortable, I got unstuck.

L

Reddmax

I know, I know....

I'm building the foundation for escape. I'm planning for the worst, and listening to my therapist and atty. The AW will not have another trip until Sept. and here is my plan.

1. Get documents
2. Get storage unit
3. Take care of dog - this is happening this weekend
4. Get her on a plane
5. Move
6. File and let the atty handle things.

I just have to survive till then. As far as intimacy.... This may sound callous, but it gets her to pass out faster, so I can have some peace....

Now I'm not going to do that.....

And just get the hell out of the house when she rages.

Redd

dolphingal1971

I can so relate to the planning the escape, surviving until then, and then getting out of the house during a rage. I think that is the worst. To be told all kinds of horrible things and hear screaming and spittle in your face and then leave, and the beautiful sound of peace and quiet. I can't relate to the intimacy. AH falls asleep (passes out I guess) while eating and then goes to bed and falls straight to sleep. He is the only person I have ever seen that will eat with his eyes closed. Thats when I know he is lit up (drunk) like a christmas tree. Why he does this I don't know. :wtf2

FormerDoormat

"Are you drug and disease free?"

Seems to me that she's asked this question before, but in her drunken stupor she forgot that she wasn't talking to someone she just picked up in a bar--she was talking to you.

Pretty scary stuff. Perhaps it's time to get yourself checked for STDs and like Anvil suggested, stop playing Russian roulette.

And "it makes her go to sleep" is an excuse, but nice try....

Reddmax

Already been tested. So far I'm clean.

I'm not kidding about the going asleep. It puts her right out. If I refuse on the other hand, she wakes right up and its time to fight. Its abuse under the standards I've read, but dear god, silence is golden. Unless you just heard what I described. Then its spin your mind out of control

Jazzman

Dude, get checked for STDs (again) and get the heck out of there.

Reddmax

I am, and I'm working on it. I'm being real careful now. Like, making sure I'm asleep before she is.

Jazzman,

I know I need to get the hell out. I also know that she's an alcoholic. If you want to see some scary stories, go to bpdfamily.com and look at what people like her can do. I know its very similar to what some alcoholics do, I'm just trying to make my escape with the least amount of pain and drama for me (don't care about her feelings).

Redd

Barbara52

From what you describe, I would be out of there. Tonite. And not go back except to retrieve my stuff with a whole lot of other people present. Just why is it you cannot leave immediately? Grab the papers you need, take the things you cannot replace and get out. Let the rest of the story evolve with you out of the drama and potential danger.

LaTeeDa

Except when sex is involved?

You just said you used sex to "put her to sleep." Now you say you want to be asleep before her?

L

respektingme

What nerve. You just can't rationalize the insanity that spews from their mouths. She (drunk) wants to know if you are drug free? And she (still in contact with one of her exes) wants to know if you're disease free? I think she must have been asking herself that and not you.

Guys want sex. I won't argue with that one. For whatever reason you have it, you're probably considering that it could be a while before you have it again once you leave. A good friend of mine was separated from her husband and only living together while they tried to sell the house. One day, they just had sex. Who knows exactly why. They were comfortable with each other?

If your wife is as nutty and violent as you say, I agree you must be in danger. Danger for your life? Who knows. Guess you really won't know unless she tries to actually take your life.

I think you really hate arguments and confrontations, so you're looking for the most drama-free way out. Can't blame you there. At least you have a plan in place. I hope you plan on changing your number because when she finds out, she'll probably be looking to have a word or two with you...... after a bottle or two.

wendyarb

I agree with respektingme, if your wife is violent, who knows what she is capable of doing! What you are capable of doing is leaving, walking out and not looking back. Do it! I don't want to hear about your story on the show SNAPPED or something. You never know. Just be careful! An intoxicated person is capable of so many evil things, expecially if it's an intoxicated person full of anger....

Reddmax

LTD.

Posting can be somewhat imprecise. I should have said I used to do that to put her to sleep. I"m not doing that anymore. I'll make sure I'm asleep, or she's passed out, and nothing can or will happen. This incident has freaked me out to a certain extent.

Barbara52,

You're right as usual, things are not as important as one's self-respect. I will be discussing this with all of you, as well as the therapist and atty.

Respektingme,

Its not that I hate drama and confrontation.(I don't like it, but I can do it) I'm trying to craft the best plan to reduce the possible negative outcomes for me. I really don't want the police involved, false allegations, or anything like that. Those things could negatively affect my future employment. Personally, right now, sex is the last thing on my mind....

I would like to say that everyone has been really great in helping me think things through and showing me the holes in my thinking.

Redd

McKrazy

sounds like you might want to include in your plan: put a restraining order in place?

I know I'm somewhat new to this situation, but have read your posts and agree with all that an immediate escape is in order. Then you need to truly extricate her from your life, and THEN.......
You need to do the work on yourself to determine how you ended up in this crazy relationship and learn how to become the kind of person who won't settle for something like this again.

Redd, your self esteem has taken a beating and in several months, I would encourage you to come back and read through all of this and help it to be part of your recovery.
This is true crazyness and it feels like you are, if not flirting, remaing way too close to a dangerous situation.

Keep posting, but also, do the work of getting yourself out of the situation and make sure you have some flesh friends (we are cyber friends) to help and be aware of all that's' going on.

I'm kind of surprised that your therapist hasn't really pushed for you to GET OUT OF THERE! You are obvously in danger....

Reddmax

Both the atty and therapist have said you have to be very, very, careful about leaving. That's going to be the absolute hardest part of this pull off successfully. In general, false allegations made after the first 2 weeks don't stick in the area I'm in. So, the best thing to do is make sure you have everything, and get out when the AW is on a trip.

McKrazy

Well then, Redd, here's a shout out to God for this to be safe and successful. Please keep all of us posted. I guess reading through this and hearing your emotions so guarded and obviously frightened, make me feel very invested that you come out of this stronger and able to have the life you deserve!

Take care!