scott28

Hi. I have to get something off my chest so please bear with me. I'm a very severe alcoholic and I'm only 28. Every single male on my dad's side of my family is/was an acoholic, going back many genertions. Father, grandfather, cousins, uncles. Some have drunk themselves to liver failure.

My alcohol abuse has been steadily getting worse for 5 years. This last year has been really horrible. My tolerance is so high that I can't even get drunk anymore. I drink atleast a 5th of hard liquor a day. I've gained weight very rapidly. I'm developing a heart problem. My resting pulse is 100 and now I can't climb a flight of stairs without getting winded. My circulation is very poor. I get sweaty just with the effort of getting dressed in the morning. I know these are the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. Thankfully, it's still at a reversible stage. I used to be a martial arts enthusiast. I was so good at it that I could even pass black belt tests while drunk. Today there's no way I could make it through a class.

I'm messing up at work now. I'm a biologist. We normally work very hard, but I 'm starting to go weeks without doing any real work. Absenteeism is now a problem for me as well. I'm actually supposed to be working right now. I took the day off to drink. I haven't touched my purchase though, because I feel very sick after last night's 5th plus one pint of vodka.

I drink in secret, hiding it from my wife. She gets extremely upset when she catches me. She doesn't deserve that. She knows I have a problem, but has no idea how bad it really is. I've completely lost my sex drive and we almost never do it anymore. I'm ashamed to have her see me naked now.

I want to quit drinking before, not after I destroy my health, my career, and my love life.

I do not like the AA at all. I've been to many meetings as a teen to support my father. One, I'm not religious. Two, I don't feel they address my own reason for drinking.

My first concern is detox. I'm not going to quit cold turkey because I'm afraid of violent withdrawl symptoms. I don't want to go to a doctor because I work at the hospital. I know I don't get symptoms if all I have is a couple glasses of wine.

I'm telling my ife this when she gets home.

feeling pretty low right now.

parentrecovers

glad you found us, scott. sounds like you are making a wise decision to quit.

doing it without medical attn is really risky, though.

most hr depts understand the importance of guarding an employee's privacy, so maybe you should pursue someone in that dept to see what your medical options are? just a thought.

keep reaching out! hugs, k

Jomey

Thanks for sharing your story, Scott. In a way, you are lucky to realize what a serious problem you have at a young age- you have plenty of time to recover and enjoy a new sober life.

Detox would be a great place to start. If you absolutely feel you can not go the hospital where you work (despite the fact that I would think that all confidentiality/HIPA rules would apply if you are in the US), go to the next nearest one. Even if you were to lose your job over a visit to the hospital where you work, it sure beats losing your life. At least call a doctor - they will be able to help you no matter where you choose to detox.

There are plenty of other recovery programs besides AA - check into all of them and see if you find a better fit for yourself.

Good luck and keep us posted - you took a giant first step by coming here and admitting that you have a problem! Congratulations on that - just keep going!

Jomey

tommyk

Scott, welcome.

Make a promise to yourself that if your way of quitting drinking doesn't work you'll be open to suggestions, okay?

HideorSeek

Welcome, Scott. I agree with everyone who posted. Take Care of yourself, first and foremost. This disease, as you know, is a killer. Please keep us posted on what you decide your next course of action will be.

Toomutch

Scott, I am glad you found SR and were brave enough to share with us. We are here for you so keep posting.

HeavyJ

Welcome Scott. There is hope, I was similar to you, and told my wife and quit drinking. She was very supportive, now 60+ days later, I'm feeling and doing great, there are hard times and temptations, but with the help of my Sober Recovery friends, I have made it and it seems to be getting easier.. I'm also finding out that in social drinking situations, some people actually thinks it's cool when i tell them I don't drink..

Hang in there, we are here for you,

Heavy

Skyburst

Scot, I agree with others here ...you really need to do this with medical help. The weening approach usually doesn't work (believe me I know). It's too easy to keep relapsing if you don't just leave it alone.

I worked for a large corporation for 25 years with security clearances and all. They were always encouraging employees to take advantage of company sponsored recovery programs. They WANT you to get well. As a supervisor I never saw anyone who got help get canned for doing so. In fact they have legal issues if they do.

But you do need to be under medical supervision. Alcohol detox can be deadly, more so than heroin actually for serious cases.

You can do this...besides you're probably not hiding this condition as well as you might think. People want you well and we're all here for you (24/7 I've found really). Good luck and please keep us posted

scoob

I know I don't get symptoms if all I have is a couple glasses of wine.

You're also not quitting if all you have is a couple glasses of wine. My advice is to check yourself into a detox facility. I took my dad almost 4 years ago and he did a 7 day program. It saved his life. He only went to a few AA meetings after that and realized they weren't for him, but at least he was in a safe place while he went through the worst of it.

My family has a history of alcoholism too. I'm 31, and why I continued to drink after what I went through with my dad is beyond me, but here I am.

Take care.

bostonluv

I don't know....maybe he should taper. I drank some hard lemonades on my 2nd day withdrawals (7/21) because I thought I was dying. I know, I know, NO MEDICAL ADVISE.

I was really really sick when I quit last time after my ridiculous 10 day bender. I couldn't believe my alcoholism had progressed that far. Used to read about it in books and think Wow. That person is really out of control. Hmm..

Welcome Scott. Please do whatever you feel is best for your body and watch for the signs if something goes really wrong. Tell your wife. It feels shameful now but she'll be so proud if you face it and do something about it. I think you'll really be surprised at how much better you'll feel in just a week. My heart goes out to you because I have a good idea of how you're feeling right now and how big this thing feels. I'm 32 by the way.

Toomutch

The tapering method never worked for me, it had to be all or nothing, because once a took one drink there were plenty more to follow.

Scott, It is in my opinion as well that you need to seek medical attention in order to detox safely.

scott28

Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

I'm looking into outpatient detox services in my area. I can't miss that much work right now, but I know the drugs and frequent medical supervision will do me good.

bostonluv

Good decision.

mxchaos

glad to here you are going to get medical attention. they are lots of doctors and nurses in the rooms of AA no shame in getting the right help.
good luck

tommyk

Keep coming back, Scott.

Dee74

If you think withdrawal looks like being rough, best to see a doctor Scott - the whole tapering thing is pretty self defeating in my experience lol

Welcome
D

dave47

Welcome to SR Scott. I tried cutting back in every way possible and none of it worked,
best wishes to you.

SlvrMag

Can you go to a Dr. in a different area?

I know you said you tried AA but maybe give it another shot-what have you got to lose by trying again?

You sound like you have so much going for you. I really wish the best for you.

LogCabin

Scott,

You haven't posted enough for me to send you a Private Message. But I have some suggestions for you regarding your work situation and getting help.

PS - I'm so happy to read your post, and that you know that you need help. Welcome to SoberRecovery!

PSII - I think you just have to post one more time for the PMs to work.

CarolD

Good to know you are planning to break the family chain.

Here is a list of various recovery programs
to explore when you are ready for one.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Blessings to you and your wife
...Welcome to our recovery community