Cassey

I am feeling very angry, frustrated and no matter how valid my anger may be, I know it will do me no good to express how I am feeling to my husband.

I couldnt control my husband from staying up lastnight and drinking beer and coming to bed at 5:00 am.

I couldnt control that my son needed to be at hockey practice this morning at 8:00 am and didnt arrange a ride for himself and my husband didnt take him.

My husband or my son could care less, that he had practice or that he missed practice (this is for the highschool team)

It is so hard for me to see the choices that my son is making, and I try to detour this myself, but he is old enough to know this and I cant do anything about it.

I have to let it go, and just express guidance and love.

What are some ways if there are anyways to help yourself to deal with the anger you have inside yourself. I want to feel better inside myself, it is doing me no good to hold in the anger, it just makes me ache inside.

EXERCISE, WORK OUT, SWEAT THE BAD STUFF OUT. hmmmmmmmmmmm

I will go to the gym today and see if that helps me.

LaTeeDa

Excercise is an excellent release.

Another one is journaling. I wrote out all my anger privately. After a few weeks of doing that, I no longer felt the knot in the pit of my stomach. And, the bonus, I learned a lot about myself, too.

L

FormerDoormat

Looking back on things now, I can see that the majority of anger and frustration I thought I felt towards others was really directed at myself--for allowing others to mistreat me and take advantage of me.

When I stopped allowing others to treat me poorly, the anger and frustration stopped.

Cassey

I am angry for letting myself get treated badly. I am angry at myself for continuing to let it happen.

Not only do I get treated badly from my husband, I am letting my kids take advantage of me like my husband does.

I am really feeling sorry for myself today and I need to step it up and stop self destroying me.

I know that I am letting it happen, I am also for some reason letting it bother me today.

Pajarito

A 21 years recovered alcoholic (and absolutely the most joyous/happy and free man you will ever meet) told me last week that alcoholics take their poison in the form of alcohol. We codies take our poison in the form of emotions. I'm still trying to figure that out, but on some level I do get it. I held a lot of anger inside. I took on a lot of emotions my STBXAH would not. I find myself worrying about how others will feel- and I'm starting to identify when I do that.

I've been journaling, trying to open up more with friends and family when it seems appropriate. I go to al-anon when I can, and come here to read and support if I'm able. All help, but I know what you mean about feeling it physically. I think going to the gym helps, going for a walk. . .

What I am finding is that I am slowly accepting my STBXAH for who he is. Once I can truly feel that acceptance- not just intellectually, but truly feel it, I will no longer get angry when he does and says the annoying things he does. If I don't have expectations of him- or if I don't expect him to act healthy, I can't be angry when he behaves in his unhealthy ways. I spent years reacting and I'm just now beginning to shake my head/chuckle (?) over his ridiculous antics. That does not mean I find him amusing. I just find him to be behaving like he always has- only now I "get it." I'm still a long way away from not caring, but I will get there. And I don't live with him like you live with yours. Take care. . .

londonvanpelt

I stopped doing for others what they could be doing for themselves and the anger stopped. I also stopped thinking that my way was the right way. When I was able to tap into my HP within in me I understood that not everything was black/white. I remember leaving my ex A with nothing. I got a temp job in the city and didn't have enough money for parking or the train. There was a little voice inside me that said to just get on the train. I thought, "That's stealing!", but that voice kept telling me to trust and get on the train. I got on the train and a man said to me--"I have a message for you. God wants you to know that everything is going to be alright." I started crying. I thought I was losing my mind, but that was God at work. I will never forget it. It also gave me an awareness that everyone has that HP inside, so I have no right to tell anyone what is right or wrong. Letting go is difficult, but it is really unfair to others to do for them when they can do for themselves. Your job is to take care of YOU. Let go Let God. Hugs to you.

cagefree

I , too, was angry at myself and who I had become and what I could have been doing had I not been a codependent all of my life...Granted, at first I was angry at everyone around me, everyone who had hurt me. Then I saw how I had put myself into those situations without concern for my well-being. I put that on the back burner until I forgot it even existed.

Eventually, that is what I became most angry with - myself.

I think the journey of figuring out why I was truly angry and where it came from was when I began to start letting it go.

respektingme

Your husband has the right to choose to drink. You have the right to disengage from his drinking.

As for your son, he's one of your dependents. He's relying on his folks to guide him. While your AH may not be setting a good example for responsibility and independence, we still have that responsibility.

I don't think getting wrapped around the axle is the answer. But, like most kids, he probably has privileges which he enjoys which cost you in one way or the other. If he needs to be at practice, he should probably go to practice.

I know we have to disengage from our AH's behavior. I don't necessarily think we can do that with our own kids while they are still minors. I can't imagine having a house full of people who treat me as my AH does when he's active.