Nino

Well where do i start. Hi everyone my name is Nino as you could see by my username. I have been on methadone for 4 years and 10 days. I have finally detoxed all the way down to about 5 of 6 mg's. I say that because the clinic i go to does not let you know what your dose is and as of last week my couselor won't tell me anymore either. All she would say last week was i am under 7. She i reluctant to tell me anymore because I caught the nurse lieing to me about how much she brought me down and i caught her once lieing about how much she raised me so anyway that is another story in itself.

OK back to what I am getting at. Sorry to ramble but I'm sure some of you know how it is when you are trying to KICK. OK well i so badly just want to stop right here and now becuase I have been told by my counslor that I am low enough to walk away but the last time she told me that wich was about 3weeks to a month ago i did stop for close to 48 hours and then I crumbled and couldn't sleep and all that good stuff. Now i am back to about the same mg's that i was when i did stop and I'm not sure if i should just stop now or come down a few more mg's.

Ok let me fill you in on how i feel. Mentally during the day when I am with people and haven't taken any methadone for the day I feel like a Billion Bucks in other words I feel fine. Night time comes and when it comes time to go to sleep is when the anxiety sets in for me. I lay down try and sleep and then the crazy legs start. I want nothing more than to sleep but i fight it and fight it and then comes the time in any methadone addicts time of withdrawl that you just saya **** IT and take some just to go to sleep. That would be my major problem. When i withdrawl now I can honestly say I am not in severe pain. Hell i can even say i really don't feel much pain at all. The only symptoms i have is diariah and anxiety at times. Oh and of course the sleep thing as you already know. Oh and the lack of appetite wich doesn't bother me because I have a few extra pound I don't mind see going. Let me mention also that back when i tried to come off at 5 mg's i lost about 10 pounds in less that a week. I know that can't be healthy but like i said it doesn't bother me to much i am not weak or anything.

Well i guess what i am looking for is a little advice on what i should do and how i should do it. Should i be taking something to help the sleep or anxiety? Should i be taking some vitamins or suplements like that B-12 stuff. Just to mention i have no idea what B-12 is so if someone can tell me that would be good to because i don't have the will to go read about it right now. People have told me i should take some xanax or valium or something to help at night with the crazy legs and anxiety but I know there are mixed opinions on that. One thing that does helps is taking hot hot hot showers sometimes up to 4 a night usually between the hourse of 12 and 5. Should I come down a few more mg's over the next week or 2? I don;t know if doing that will make it much easier at all. Let me remind you that I think that I am at 5 mg's hell i may even be under that but doubt it. I took some methadone last night at probably 3 or 4 am and I am thinking on stopping right here and now. Today was the day i was supposed to go back to the clinic but i didn't because i still have a little meth left that would last be a day or two due to me not taking my whole dose this week. There was one day this week i went 24 hours not taking anything but like i said before when it comes to my sleep I am weak. Oh and i am going to quite my sucky ass job just to do this. No big deal though the pay sucks and my sobriety is number 1.

Ok sorry to go on and on about bs but whatever you all could tell me would be great. Thanks so much

Anna

Hi,

Of course we are not doctors and can't give any medical advice here. The best thing for you to do is to talk to your dr about your situation.

It sounds like you're doing well and I hope you keep posting.

Nino

Sure I would love to go to a doctor and get some advice. But I don't have any kind of insurance nor the $150 bucks to go see a doctor plus medication. I am not looking for direct medical advice from a professional but just some advice on what may have worked well for others. Thank you for the comment though, you were the only one alll day.

Just a little update. It is about 3:30 AM and of coure I am not sleeping. Tonight has not been bad at all for me. I took some methdadone last night or might i say yesterday early moring around 3-4:30. I then took another little sip at about 8:30 or so. I probably only took a quarter of my bottle at 8:30 am and that would be about 1 to 2 mg's. And might i add I feel fine right now. I do have a little restlessness in the legs but no real pain. Oh and the diariah is starting to set in a little. Also the constant sneezing but thats no big deal i love how sneezing feels. I am getting really sleepy now so it's about time for my HOT HOT HOT shower and then directly to the couch to try and sleep so i don;t wake the wonderfull wife up. Oh and yesterday all together i may have taken about 5 mg's total.

I want this more than anything at this point. I am going to finally do it and move on with my life. I have always felt I am destined to do great things but ever since I have been on methadone all those dreams and wants have gone away. I can feel myself becoming something again. I love to have a drive back ever since i have been on such a low dose. This is the year for me.

God bless and thank you all for your support. I will try and stay as positive as i can but you may see a change of spirit when i am really really sick. But I don't think that is going to happen because I am not going to get really really sick right...right. Ok goodnight Never Never Land

Nino

bruce24

Hi Nino,

Thanks for sharing your story. As someone who doesn't fully understand what a meth addiction is like and only hearing stories its hard for me to comment on how for you to proceed.

All I can tell you is for my recovery I have found that you gotta believe in yourself and keep fighting and want better for your life. If you can even make one positive change away from addiction a day thats all it takes. Keep giving yourself reminders of why you want to recover and keep reaching out for support. What you must be going through is alot worse of withdrawals than I have had so my thoughts are with you and hope you keep battling you addiction until you get down to 0mg!!

Bruce

Nino

OK everyone I am going to give you another update on how it's been for me to get off methadone. It has officially been 26 hours since i last took a very very small amount if you have read what I wrote above you should know.

I feel 100% fine well maybe 90% lets not get carried away. I don't know what to expect though because last night i had some discomfort in my legs for about 1 hours while i was trying to go to sleep, ( when i say discomfort i meen the crazy legs or aka restless legs.) Surpriseingly i was able to sleep for 5 hours wich is GREAT.

I hope i am not getting to excited about not being totally sick right because I don't know what the next 24 holds for me. I know methadone has a long half life and it's said that you go into withdrawl after 24 to 48 hours so who knows how it will be for me. I am just going to stay as positive as I can belive in my heart that I am not going to get sick.

I said some prayers to Saint Maximillian Kobe last night and also said some prayers for addicts and It really raised my spirit and made me feel good before i laid down to go to sleep last night. I belive in my higher power and If you have that in your life then I belive you have one up on someone who doesn't. I have never prayed or belived like this before in my life while trying to get off drugs. ( I have been on opiates for 7 years now and have never got clean. only tried once or twice with no avail.) I am 25 years old and should never have started taking drugs and now try to preach to the younger generation that drugs are not the way.

Well I hope i can give you an update later on but I have to give this guys wireless card back because I fixed his computer and I don't have internet access at home for the moment. So it may be a day or two before i can get back on here and repost.....hope not though because this is also helping me.

Thanks a lot everyone who reads this and stay strong, stay positive, stay ready for a new wonderfull life ahead. God Bless

Nino

Nino

OK everyone I am back again. Just to give you an update. All day today has been fine just a little anxitey but nothing big at all. I have been managing ok untill it got late and i really wanted to go to sleep. I took .1 or .01 mg of clonodine hopng that would help me sleep and get throug the second night with no methadone. Well all it did was make me drowsy in the head and tired but my legs still won't let me sleep. It is times like these when my mind is sooo tired out that I just want to take a sip and go to sleep. I just took a hot shower about an hour ago and tried to sleep but couldn't so my legs are getting pretty restess and i think it's time for another shower. Well i really don't have much to say. Trying to stay strong. God bless and pray for me please. Thank you

sunnigirl

Nino
keep up with your commitment to yourself. It is really inspiring!

Nino

Hello people, yes all 3 of you and whoever else sees this LOL. It is 9:00 am and it is officially 48 hours since the last time i took methdadone......YAY. I tried not to expect last night to be bad but every addict knows that in the back of your head there is a little clock that ticks down to the point where you go into full withdrawal. I smashed the f-ing clock and told myself I was NOT going to get sick. The last time I posted I had already tried to go to sleep but couldn't so I got out of bed and wrote that little post. I have to admit to you all that I was down, down, down thinkin oh great this is it I am going to get sick. Then after i posted I sat here on the computer for another 20 min and the restless legs went away. I was still really sleepy due to the clonodien so i took another hot hot hot shower and said some hail mary's and a few differant prayers for addicts. I then got out of the shower and starait to the couch where i went to sleep.........yes you read that right I went to sleep for about 3 hours or so without waking up. I then woke up around 4 am or so give or take 30 min and my legs were at it agian and the clonodien tiredness was gone ( My head was clear ) Instead of laying there thinking I am sick I am sick poor me poor me I got up and went to the computer for another 10 min or so and then turned on my xxbox and tried to get into a video game. I'll have to tell you that getting up and walking around a bit really got rid of my restless legs all together. So I play x box for a few hours not feeling sick at all nor tired. Surpriseingly i started to get really hungry because really i only ate once the morning before. So i get up and go to Taco Bell LOL YUM YUM......Got some food came home ate and played xbox untill the sun came up. I then took one more hot hot hot shower and said my prayers and again went to sleep on the couch for probably 1 1/2 before the wife woke me up when she got up for work. She told me to go lay in the bed and i did and went to sleep for maybe another hour.

So here i am 48 in and not one bit sick......Just some diariah but that never bothered me. Kinda feels good after being constipated for 4 years on the methadone.. Yes i said it....I have to apologize for not writing in correct paragraphs above sometimes i just type and type and run on.

OK prob my last post for a while. I have to finally give this guy his wireless internet card back. Will try to keep you all updated. Oh and please feel free to tell some people who may be going through this.....I would like as many people to read this as possible. To show them that a sudden strong will can do wonders. Before this I have to say I was a ***** when it came to getting sick and I always did it to myself. No more.....thanks all and god bless. Starting Day 3

sickgirl2

stay focused you will make it!! Keep up with the prayers!

kj0975

Sounds like things are going fairly well for you. For the RLS maybe your Dr can give u something? There are meds for that. If not I used bengay or something along those lines and the hot showers helped too. The bengay would help the muscles relax enough so I could fall asleep. Or bike riding helped too or even a walk. Do what feels best for you and I understand the not sleeping but it does end takes some time. How about a cup of tea before bed or meditating? That helped too. Your doing a great job and keep up the good work. If you have to taper a bit more then do it I understand wanting to be off completly but whats a couple more weeks if it helps make it easier for you. Keep up the great work!!!

Nino

Day 3 10:06 PM
Today was fairly good. I went and did some catering work for someone just to keep my mind off things for a bit. This morning when i wrote that post i was just about to leave. I did well durig the few hours that i had to work. After that I took the little money I had and bought some supplements. Just some multi vitamins, B-12, and some Royal Jelly (Drink Kind). I took them today and I have to say I did have more energy but I always doubt those kind of things because I believe a lot of it is in your head.

Anyway I am about to go to sleep or try to go to sleep because I have to be there again tomorrow at 9 am and it's a good 45 min drive. I am going to say my prayers and jump in the hot hot hot shower and try and crash. I just took a melatonin to maybe help with the sleep. Who knows if it will work or not I don't ever remember if that stuff worked the last time i took it some 6-7 years ago. My sis just had a few so she gave them to me.

My spirits are up even though i don't feel quite right yet. Who knows how long it will be before i start feeling good physically and emotionally. I have had some spells of iratability and got short with my wife for a sec but I pulled it back together. I have no right treating someone bad just because I feel like ****. God this really does help writing this....I know it's more of a story or would you say play by play than an informative piece.

OK OK i have to go to bed now or should i say get in my shower......my hot hot hot shower LOL (Only funny to me) Thanks for the comments everyone I really hope that you come back and see how this ends up. May God bless you and give you the power and strength to get through hard times.

Nino

Anna

Nino,

It sounds like you're doing great and you're working hard to keep your spirits up. That's great. I have to deal with the RLS sometimes too and it's really tough, but you've gotten some good advice here and of course, the hot showers help.

Keep posting when you are able.

Nino

Day 3 12:00 midnight

I really could scream right now. I don't know why but my legs are the worse they have been yet. I don't know why but they just are. It may be because i have extra pressure from knowing that i have to be somewhere early in the morning. Or the fact that I got pissed about something so now i am not in the best of moods. Anyway I am just typing away to try and set my mind to a differant place. Bye

Nino

Day 4 6:45 am

Well as you can see it is 6:45 and I have been up since 2:30 am or so maybe 3 am and I have to go to work here in about a hour and half. I am kinda tired due to the lack of real sleep. I can get through it though I only have to work till about 1 or so maybe 2. I just hope that I don't crash hard half way through the job. I don't like the way coffee makes me feel expecially when I am some what kicking. I really belive the worst is over with....what do you all think?

I ended up taking about 5 showers all together last night and they helped for a very short time only. Not long enough for me to fall asleep. Well I am going to take one more shower and maybe i can get a short 30 min nap. Take care god bless

Nino
(Tired)

Gertiegirl

Hiya Nino,

Just wanted to possibly life your spirits a bit - Im an alcoholic, I have no idea about drug use, opiate withdrawals or methadone. That is why I havn't replied to your thread before now. I feel there is very little i can offer by way of support or advice when I don't understand the condition. Heck Im terrified of opiates, yet I pickle my brain with booze - Go figure.

I did want to reach out and let you know though - I am following your thread, I am praying for you and Im on the otherside of the world. Think about it - Im just one person - your story is reaching people and touching people, whether or not they take the time to reply - and there is always a myriad of reasons why people don't.

You're doing great, I hope your wife is proud and supportive of you. Keep up the great work, and thank you for sharing as you go. Its inspiriational.

Blessings....

Anna

Hi Nino,

It's my experience that restless legs do get worse when there is pressure or stress. I know for me, the more that I have to deal with, the more likely my legs will act up.

You're doing great!

Skyburst

Hang in there

citychick

Hi Nino

I’ve just read thru all your posts Nino. Sounds to me like your committed to this decision, good for you!

I can understand your frustration with the restless legs thing happening…I used to fill up the bath tub with hot water and lie in that. Went a bit pruney but it wasn’t permanent and it helps. lol

Staying busy during the day is a good idea too. The sleeplessness is something that we just have to do. It won’t take long for your body to adjust and you’ll have a better quality of sleep when it does.

I really can’t add anything except I’ve been thru methadone withdrawals too. It can be done and you’ll feel so much better. Energized, clear headed and not tied to a clinic or a chemical. Freedom!

I’m so glad you are doing this at 25. You have a brilliant life ahead of you without the liquid handcuffs.

SR has substance abuse and NA threads too, you'll find plenty of support there, people who have done it and gone on to live happy and productive lives.

Nino

Day 4 3:40 PM

I just got home from work but first let me say THANK YOU for the posts today people. It really really really was a nice suprise to see 4 new posts. I loved all of your comments and it really lifeted my spirits. I can see now that you are right GertieGirl my thread is reaching people. Dont know how much good it is doing but I just like that fact that someone is reading what I am going through because I have read countless stories like mine. ( Sort of like mine )

So work today was long I still can't believe that after 4 days i am actually working. Well i was working after 2 days i think....hell i don't know im toooo tired. I am just in shock that i am able to function enough to work without falling apart. It's a good thing though beacause it does get my mind off it and during the day while i'm working I can sit back and think this is how it feels to be clean. It feels good thats for sure but knowing that it is only going to get better is even a greater joy.

So on my drive home I decided to break my crutch that I have. I'm sure a lot of methadone addicts while detoxing had a stash of some meth pills or liquid just in case they got tooo sick. Well I am no differant I have both pills and liquid sitting in my nightstand. I finally came to the realization that I am not going to get any sicker than I am now and having that sitting there is not helping me one bit. Sure it helped in the begining because I felt safe knowing it was there. I thought i throwing it out before I stoped but I knew myself to well. I would have threw it out and then FREAKED THE F out and gone and got some more and relasped. I guess what I am telling myself is that it is FINALLY really over. I know it in my heart that I don't have to take sip of some methadone just to function, I proved that these past few days.

Well this is it I am going to take a hot hot hot shower and take a nap. I am beat, i figure i only got 2 hours of sleep last night and it was the weirdest thing I had a dream about this thread I am writing. It was kind of a nightmare, someone was after me or I was after someone who was responding to me. I don't really remember I just remember being stressed out about someone who was replying to my thread. Wich is totally rediculouse because there is nothing that anyone could type that would stress me out. Thats just not the type of person I am.

Give you an update before bed tonight. Thanks again everyone who posted.. You are all great!!! God bless..


P.S.
I just wanted to tell you gertie that your post helped me to know that keeping some methadone around is not a good idea. Even though you haven't ever been addicted to opiates your post made me think me keeping that methadone around would be like you keeping a Fifth of Absolute around just in case you felt like having a drink. Thank you

Nino

P.S.S

The Vitamins, B-12, and Royal Jelly really gave me and energy boost during the day.