What if something happened to him?
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 39
What if something happened to him?
When the man I love got sober a few months ago, he called me everyday for a week (this was after a long period of time during which he was very elusive and we only spoke sporadically). And then he stopped calling again. Maybe he has just been focusing on his recovery, but it makes me wonder if he's started drinking again. About two months ago I called him late at night and he sounded very unhappy on the phone. I'm not even sure why he picked up that time, but he didn't really want to talk to me. He said it didn't have anything to do with me. I told him to call me back when it was a better time for him to talk and he agreed to do that, but I haven't heard from him since!! This from the man who told me that I was one of the few people he trusted (we are not in a relationship, btw)...I don't feel like that is the case, because I don't even feel like his friend. I feel invisible! Perhaps this is an irrational fear kicking in, but I feel like I want to call him just to see if he's alive. What if he started drinking again, and something happened to him? I just want to know if he is in recovery or not. If he is not ready to talk to me yet, that's fine.
Btw, thanks for all your helpful response on the last post.
Btw, thanks for all your helpful response on the last post.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Hey there eccentricmuse,
I never realised just how much I allowed my emotions to be caught up in the failure or sucess of the people around me until I began to learn that no one can make me feel anything, that all someone can do is encourage the feelings I already have in me to come out. My feelings were my own.
I would summise that he hasn't called you because the time is still not right for him. Whether that is because he is drinking, or because he is doing something else, he is stil deciding to not connect with you. I wouldn't sit about waiting for him to call you, if he is not thinking about you, try to get your thoughts off him and live your life instead.
At the end of the day, he is living is life, making his choices, doing what he wants to do, and as harsh as it may sound to you, he is not thinking of you right now.
Where as you are obviously thinking about him! Turn your focus back onto you! If he is drinking or not - that is not your concern, if he is in recovery or not - not your concern either.
If you are meant to know, you will find out eventually, but don't allow this to plaugue your thoughts. Let go and let live.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I never realised just how much I allowed my emotions to be caught up in the failure or sucess of the people around me until I began to learn that no one can make me feel anything, that all someone can do is encourage the feelings I already have in me to come out. My feelings were my own.
Originally Posted by eccentricmuse 
...I told him to call me back when it was a better time for him to talk and he agreed to do that, but I haven't heard from him since!! .
Originally Posted by eccentricmuse
...This from the man who told me that I was one of the few people he trusted (we are not in a relationship, btw)...I don't feel like that is the case, because I don't even feel like his friend. I feel invisible! Perhaps this is an irrational fear kicking in, but I feel like I want to call him just to see if he's alive. What if he started drinking again, and something happened to him? I just want to know if he is in recovery or not. If he is not ready to talk to me yet, that's fine..
Where as you are obviously thinking about him! Turn your focus back onto you! If he is drinking or not - that is not your concern, if he is in recovery or not - not your concern either.
If you are meant to know, you will find out eventually, but don't allow this to plaugue your thoughts. Let go and let live.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 39
Thanks for this response...it was very reassuring! I will try to do as you suggested. I think the hardest part is accepting that he doesn't want to connect with me right now even if he's not drinking, because then I can't blame it on the booze anymore!
Maybe the reason why I want to find out whether he's alive or not is that perhaps my abandonment issues are linked back to when my dad died, when I was ten. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I think the childish part of me believes that if the man I love is still somewhere out there alive, then I can still talk to him! Unfortunately the sad truth is that some people aren't open for talking regardless. But maybe honoring these feelings as ultimately my own will help me to address the core issues that are operating here.
Maybe the reason why I want to find out whether he's alive or not is that perhaps my abandonment issues are linked back to when my dad died, when I was ten. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I think the childish part of me believes that if the man I love is still somewhere out there alive, then I can still talk to him! Unfortunately the sad truth is that some people aren't open for talking regardless. But maybe honoring these feelings as ultimately my own will help me to address the core issues that are operating here.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Originally Posted by eccentricmuse
Thanks for this response...it was very reassuring! I will try to do as you suggested. I think the hardest part is accepting that he doesn't want to connect with me right now even if he's not drinking, because then I can't blame it on the booze anymore!
Maybe the reason why I want to find out whether he's alive or not is that perhaps my abandonment issues are linked back to when my dad died, when I was ten. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I think the childish part of me believes that if the man I love is still somewhere out there alive, then I can still talk to him! Unfortunately the sad truth is that some people aren't open for talking regardless. But maybe honoring these feelings as ultimately my own will help me to address the core issues that are operating here.
Maybe the reason why I want to find out whether he's alive or not is that perhaps my abandonment issues are linked back to when my dad died, when I was ten. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I think the childish part of me believes that if the man I love is still somewhere out there alive, then I can still talk to him! Unfortunately the sad truth is that some people aren't open for talking regardless. But maybe honoring these feelings as ultimately my own will help me to address the core issues that are operating here.
Good luck to you eccentricmuse, remember to enjoy your recovery!
Peace and serenity to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by eccentricmuse
Maybe the reason why I want to find out whether he's alive or not is that perhaps my abandonment issues are linked back to when my dad died, when I was ten. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to him. I think the childish part of me believes that if the man I love is still somewhere out there alive, then I can still talk to him! Unfortunately the sad truth is that some people aren't open for talking regardless. But maybe honoring these feelings as ultimately my own will help me to address the core issues that are operating here.
That sounds likie a very important realization. ONe you can work through and come to a better understanding of yourself and your life. Not easy but worth the effort.
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